Name:Harrison Location:United States

The Original Lovable Little Fuzzball

Here's the straight stuff.

The adventures of Harrison are true.
Try a few of his Crunchy Bites for a taste.
--Alpha Human Mom

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Kibbles 'n Bits®

There's nothin' a canine can't do—even calculus.

"In 2003, mathematician Tim Pennings of Hope College in Holland, Mich., revealed to the world that his Welsh corgi, Elvis, appears to be solving a calculus problem when finding the optimal path to fetch a ball. In this case, optimal path means minimizing travel time. Now, several other researchers have weighed in on the question of what sort of calculations dogs may do to reach their goals."

Not to mention Ballistic Missile Defense. You guys are slow catchin' up. Every canine knows how to figure a trajectory from launch point to fe-lyin' intercept.

[Thanks Cosmo]

Even fish celebrate Mardi Gras.

"State and local wildlife experts are trying to figure out what led more than a thousand flounder, spot and pin fish to beach themselves at the Marine Corps' New River air base and then swim away. They believe it may be related to a popular phenomenon known in coastal Alabama as "jubilee."

Introducing the newest K-9 recruit in Ohio.

No, not the big one—the little one.

Cat gets blessed by Dalai Lama, promptly goes cattin'.

"[W]hen the 14th incarnation of the Buddha of Compassion visited [Edinburgh, Scotland] last year, the Nobel Peace Prize winner happily blessed a furry namesake. Dalai the cat's brush with Buddhism, however, seems to have had an undesirable effect on his wellbeing—for he has now been missing from his Liberton home for almost two weeks."

Well, it's pretty clear what ole' Dalai was blessed with.

Speakin' of fe-lyings…here's a choice I wouldn't wanna' make. Pirates or Pussy? Get your mind outta' the litter pan—it's not what you think.

Finally, on the off-chance that last link didn't ruin your appetite, today is National Pancake Day. Yum. Syrup.

[Yum. Bath. ~ AHM]

Worth it. Top mine off with liver and bacon bits.

Little known fact: it's been scientifically proven Kansas is flatter than a pancake.

Read the rest

posted by Harrison at 6:44 AM


Sunday, February 26, 2006

Strange Afflications

…or why you humans can be just plain weird.

ALICE IN WONDERLAND SYNDROME: [T]his condition distorts visual perception so that objects that are close appear disproportionately tiny, as though viewed through the wrong end of a telescope.

Also known as Democrats' Tax the Rich Syndrome

PICA: This is a compulsive appetite for non-edible items, including clay, stones, cigarette ash, paint, glue, laundry starch, ice and even hair. Found among pregnant women and young children,…"

So you finally know why little Freddy Ferlinger was chowin' down on paste. Still no explanation for why people eat haggis.

FOREIGN ACCENT SYNDROME: Imagine suddenly putting on a convincing French accent. Or Scottish. Or Italian. It sounds like fun, but it's no joke for the victims of Foreign Accent Syndrome, which can set in after strokes or other brain trauma.

Happens to AHM after the first bottle of wine. Suddenly we go on a world tour. Memo to pups: Sitzen Sie does not mean "You are now free to pee on the rug." Likewise Fermer la bouche does not translate into "Chase the neighbor's cat up a tree so AHM has to climb up and get it."

ALIEN HAND SYNDROME: Another condition arising from brain trauma, this bizarre syndrome involves losing control of one hand, which can do anything from gesticulating to unbuttoning clothes its owner is trying to put on with his or her other hand. The condition is also called Dr Strangelove Syndrome, thanks to Peter Sellers' inspired performance as Dr Strangelove in Stanley Kubrick's 1964 film… While victims can still experience sensation in the affected hand, they say it seems to have a mind of its own.

Thus explainin' the posts on the Democrat Underground, Daily Kos, and Huffington sites.

CAPGRAS SYNDROME: This syndrome involves the delusion that a significant other…is being impersonated by an imposter… The delusion can also extend even to oneself, with the person convinced that the reflection in the mirror is that of an imposter

Such as Hillary seein' herself as President.

JERUSALEM SYNDROME: This…[is]…actually a religious psychosis triggered by a visit to Jerusalem. Observed since medieval times, its victims may believe that they are prophets and parade around the city proclaiming the Holy Writ or exhorting sinners to repent.

First recorded case was Muhammad.

Read the rest

posted by Harrison at 10:23 PM


R.I.P. Deputy Fife

"Don Knotts, the skinny, lovable nerd who kept generations of television audiences laughing as bumbling Deputy Barney Fife on "The Andy Griffith Show," has died. He was 81."

And Carl Kolchak

  "The husky, tough-talking performer [Darrin   McGavin] went on to become one of the busiest   actors in television and film, starring in five TV series,   including "Mike Hammer," and endearing holiday   audiences with his role as the grouchy dad in the 1983   comedy classic "A Christmas Story."

SciFi fans, however, will always remember him as Carl Kolchak in The Night Stalker which so influenced a young Chris Carter he grew up to create The X Files.

AHM says it's pretty much the last nail in the coffin of her young personhood.

Read the rest

posted by Harrison at 12:52 PM


Saturday, February 25, 2006

Move Along. No Muhammad to See Here

Accordin' to Michelle Malkin, now the Muslims are upset cartoonists are makin' fun of 'em. Wiley Miller's strip Non Sequitur, published in The New Straits Times, has that newspaper in dire straits. From the paper's editorial:

"...We should have been more sensitive — human error or not. So again, we apologise. And again, we will willingly accept any action deemed fit by the Government."

Since Wiley is one of my favorites, it naturally occurred to me one of his older strips could be combined with one of the Jyllands-Posten cartoons…

Read the rest

posted by Harrison at 11:27 AM


Friday, February 24, 2006

Yogi and Winnie Mourn Too

Actually I'm so pissed over this story I can't even think of an interestin' headline.

Maymont employees are mourning the death of the park's two black bears, destroyed yesterday after one of them bit a 4-year-old boy last weekend…

The article about Maymont park claims it's the "…envy of zoologists across the nation…" and the "…bear habitat alone is worth a visit." Well, no more, thanks to parents so stupid they shoulda' been spayed 'n neutered before they could have any kids.

  "Both bears, ages 12 and 9, were   euthanized because it was not known   which one bit the boy, Maymont   officials said. The child and at least one   parent were apparently at the rear of   the 2-acre bear exhibit Saturday when   the child climbed a 4-foot wooden fence   into a restricted area and approached   the 10-foot chain-link fence that   surrounds the bears."

Let's just examine that statement, huh? Kids I know—'specially the 4-year-old variety 'cause AHM has worked with a lot of 'em. First, they're not big enough to climb a 4-foot fence on their own. Second, they don't know the difference between Yogi, Winnie, and the real thing.

That's where parents come in. Or most parents. This particular parent, however, was a Human of Very Little Brain.

Like I said, kids I know—bears, not so much. In fact, I know almost nothin' 'bout bears 'cept little things like ya' don't stick your frickin' hand through the fence into their territory. You 'specially don't poke your hand in if it's holdin' FOOD!

"The child may have been eating an apple or had apple [scent] on his hands," said Julia Dixon, spokeswoman for Game and Inland Fisheries. The child put his hand through the fence and was bitten."

Had apple scent on his hands my ass. Little Johnny said "Ooooo, I wanna' feed Yogi!" and Dumb Parent gave the kid a boost over the fence.

So why do I blame the Dumb Parent and not the Vicious Wild Bear? Read on…

"Hours later, the child was treated and released from Bon Secours St. Mary's Hospital, where doctors administered antibiotics. No stitches were required. The hospital reported the incident to the city health department, which notified the Virginia Department of Health and then Game and Inland Fisheries. Maymont was not notified until Tuesday."

Got that? "Hours later…" Now who believes those same parents wouldn't have been screechin' LAWSUIT if their precious progeny had really been attacked and bitten by a bear. In fact, the parents said nothin', cause they knew they were in the wrong! The hospital reported it, as required by law.

Consider the size of a fully grown black bear's jaws versus a four-year-old boy's hand. One little nip would have taken a couple of fingers at least. As embarrassin' as it is to admit, there've been plenty of times AHM ended up with a cut or two 'cause one of us has been just a little too enthusiastic about grabbin' for a treat or the rope tug.

"This is the first incident involving an animal bite at Maymont since bears were introduced 25 year ago. The park…annually draws about 500,000 visitors…"

That's over TWELVE MILLION people. An incredible record destroyed by some still nameless fools.

Bottom line—two perfectly healthy black bears, the major attraction at Maymont, have been euthanized thanks to a bratty little kid and a dangerously indulgent, unbelievably clueless parent.

They should be made to pay.

(Photo by Sammye Newman.)

Read the rest

posted by Harrison at 11:19 PM


Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Peck, Puff, Poo, and Dogs of the Hare that Bit 'Em

Chicken Run!

"After seeing High Springs [FL] firefighters toting rifles through a neighborhood and shooting at chickens last week, residents said they are infuriated.

"Residents said they were not notified that the shooting would happen, that they worried about the safety of their children and pets, and that firefighters ran through private property without permission. When the shooting was over, residents said they were left to deal with injured chickens and a bloody mess…

So fry 'em up and feed the homeless. Hmmm… Guess that's not an option since most of you were feedin' the little terrors on the sly! But, as usual, when a tough job needs to be done—they bring in the dog.

"After hearing about the events last week, a man from Gilchrist County called officials to tell them that he has a Labrador Retriever rescued after Hurricane Katrina that can catch chickens without injuring them, [Police Chief Ray] Kaminskas said. Officials tested the dog out on Tuesday, Feb. 7, and had positive results, he said."

Diagonally north and west, a different sort of problem was dug up in Washington state.

"Law enforcement officers harvested a dubious record last year — enough marijuana plants to rank the illegal weed as Washington state's No. 8 agricultural commodity, edging out sweet cherries in value."

'Course Washingtonians don't think it's a problem. And you wonder why Starbucks is so popular…

Down the coast, a city deep in the crapper is lookin' at crap to energize things.

"[In dog-friendly San Francisco] animal feces make up nearly 4 percent of residential waste, or 6,500 tons a year… Within the next few months, Norcal Waste, a garbage hauling company that collects San Francisco's trash, will begin a pilot program under which it will use biodegradable bags and dog-waste carts to pick up droppings at a popular dog park.

"The droppings will be tossed into a contraption called a methane digester, which is basically a tank in which bacteria feed on feces for weeks to create methane gas. The methane could then be piped directly to a gas stove, heater, turbine or anything else powered by natural gas. It can also be used to generate electricity."

Now let's see… What can cat poo be used for? Oh yeah. Killin' things!

Good thing Jimmah wasn't drivin' this sled.

"A large and unusually bold hare was apparently so irritated when a dogsled team entered its territory that it went on the attack, in an otherwise peaceful forested area of northern Norway."

He was probably protestin' all those Bugs Bunny cartoons.

"[Wenche Offerdal] told [reporters] that she and her team of huskies met the hare while travelling between Saraelv and Seima Saturday evening… "It was sitting 10 meters from the trail and I figured it would run off, and even that the dogs would go after it," Offerdal said. "I was wrong." Instead, the hare came running towards the dogsled team, which came to a halt. Then the fearless hare jumped right into the middle of team."

Wascally wabbit

"That prompted the lead dog to turn around, which left the hare surrounded by the huskies. The hare's odds worsened when another dogsled came up behind Offerdal's. That left one hare facing 13 dogs. "It was an absurd situation," Offerdal [said]. "The dogs were completely perplexed. The hare stared at them and they stared back, like they were all frozen."

Hausenpfeffer on the hoof—er—paw.

"Suddenly the hare seemed to reconsider its position, and leaped out of the ring, hitting a few of the dogs over their noses with its paws on its way. "It was an enormous leap, the hare landed outside the ring of dogs and ran off into the woods."

Once again flummoxing Elmer, Daffy, Porky, Yosemite and, of course, Jimmy.

Read the rest

posted by Harrison at 9:29 PM


Pullin' Whiskers

Ya' know last Sunday was the 100th Carnival of the Cats. One-zero-zero. That's nearly two years…two friggin' years of fe-lyings! It's like seein' those Russian ice skaters standin' in the gold medal spot Olympics after Olympics after Olympics…

It's time they had a good wiskerin'.

KT Cat fresh from The Scratching Post shares an amusing consequence to a thieving feline's antics in Rain of Terror.

Fe-lyin' breakin' 'n enterin'. That's news?

Don't Mess With Taxes has a (non-vulgar) post on Dog Balls (and why she really is a cat lover).

Yeah, well, so there's dog balls lyin' around. Don't Mess has cat poop in the house. A whole pan of it. All the time. And canines might bark at the mailman in the daytime but there's nothin' like those yowlin' fe-lyin' street corner rumbles over Miss LoosePuss who's screechin' for love in all the wrong places—at midnight!

Matata is no fool. She's found a place to stay warm at Blog d'Ellison and says, "Heat me." She's also fond of checking her eyelids for pinholes.

Cat hoggin' heat. Cat hoggin' chair.

Pasha presents a beautiful pose at Just Between Strangers in her weekly kitten blogging photo shoot. But then there's this.

Kitty porn (scroll down), quickly followed by…

Bonnie Underfoot loves her boy! (You can't blame a cat for snuggling underwear.)

…kitty with underwear fetish. Apparently shared by lots of others if ya' read the comments. Ewwwwww…

Harley of Curiouser and Curiouser believes in the power of duplication (or at least the warmth that the power provides).

Cat provin' this story was no fluke. There's a reason for that warmth, ya' know.

The Secret Life of Shoes tells us How to Pill a Cat (don't try this at home).

Been there, done that. I'm still here. The cat ain't.

Continued in Read the Rest!

Nicky at Melange is one lazy cat! But he never begs. And Mr Rhett is one American Idle as well.

A dose of honesty for a change.

Pookie Cat at Baboon Pirates doesn't get a lot of blogging in due to her many moments of kitty zen. "I've GOT To Quit Babytalking To These Cats..."

D'uh. What was your first clue? Perhaps: "But tweet widdle puddy tat's so cyoote and adowuble!"

Cleo is feeling a draft at This Girl Remembers. Or maybe it's playing lump-under-the-covers.

Or why fe-lyings will never be secret agents.

Mister Gato at enrevanche has been doing some mountaineering lately. And has taken on a new role as administrator of the Gato Institute.

Doubt this one will ever make it up Everest, but one day he might cause an avalanche after which he will indeed be institutionalized.

Jinx & Ping took top honors in synchronized sleeping at Manx Mnews Catapalooza.

Boy oh boy—as if endless links of sleepin' fe-lyings isn't bad enough, now they've added two cats sleepin' at once! Heart be still.

Alex does laps at Texas Oasis. And it's not about lap dancing either. More like lap lounging.

"Cat-loving vegetarian Democrat secular humanist childfree boomer…" pretty much says it all.

How to Wash the Cat (Note: this was snuck into the carnival by a dog from i-pets!)

First decent post in the whole shebang.

Average Life has two great pics of two separate cats at two different times and complains, 'There's a hairball in my sink!'

Add water, scrub thoroughly, drain…

Allan Thinks that Tonks is aloof, unconcerned, insouciant.

Allen Thinks he's erudite and thanks God for Roget.

7610 caught Blur with a bottle of wine. Cheers!


Catymology shares a catted tale in which the definition of catted is expained.

Well, this is sorta' an excuse for humans—demon possession.

The Peach Pit has kitty in the bag and so deserves this highlighted pic.

If this was a white straight jacket it would be picture perfect.

The kitty at Scribblings wonders if food for thought tastes good. Bleh. No.

No surprise--a thinkin' fe-lyin' is an oxymoron.

CB Blog finally moved 'my bed to my favorite sleeping spot' under the computer desk.

Cat in general vicinity of computer. Wow.

Catnabbit is talking up the strange Puppykat, a new cat breed that barks like a dog. No kidding. Meoruff!

I always knew fe-lyings were down in the gutter, but now they're movin' into the BDSM community. (Note "Ethnicity: Other")

When Leslie's Omnibus cat blogs, we're talking major cats!

When these cats take up bloggin' I quit.

CoCoPuff travels a well-worn trail over at composite drawlings.

Cat in heat, well-worn trail, the eternal (tawdry) story.

The Common Room has a Caption Contest. I like: 'Step away from the catnip!'

More like "Resistance is futile—you will be assimilated."

Far Cartouche catches Sabaki and Tinker waiting for the ump-twiddly-teenth Friday Ark. But Tinker actually sleeps sometimes. See it to believe it at Middle-Fork.

Cats doin' nothin'. Who knew.

CathColl has a nice problem; they are a three-cat house now. Adoption is wonderful.

Decisions, decisions… Three Cat House or Three Dog Bakery; Three Cat House or Three Dog Bakery; Three Cat House or… Oh, hell. You figure it out.

'Come closer puppy.' Killer Carlos on the rampage at Maggies.

Actually the prequal to "Wall of the Livin' Cat."

Coyote Mercury is thinking perhaps something in marble on the National Mall.

Should look good covered in pigeon poop.

Dang Dog - great artwork by bigcatheads

Original title is more appropriate. Damn Dog. Oh yeah!

Gigolokitty concludes the story of Snowy White and the Seven Stalkers.

At least he ditched the sequined cape, but the headpiece is just dah-viiiine, dah-lin'. Kiss, kiss… Bleeeeaaaggh

Sasha will tilt for interesting sites at Music and Cats, which also has some beautiful old valentine cat cards to share.

They were more honest in the old days.

Daily Dose has the 1 month weigh-in ~ Ralph is down to 17 lbs. Good news. 4 to go.

Down to 17 lbs? What's his full name—Ralph Kramden?

Sisu's Babe is off the deep end; and also has a bad turban day.

Not deep enough, 'though they could be in the deep stuff with those Mohammad references.

Feline diabetes...not a happy thought. But Mycah at TacJammer is simply a sweet cat.

Good luck, Mycah, and stay well.

Sebastian at furry paws has a favorite mouse. Who doesn't?

I don't. I prefer to chew up lions—fe-lyings that is.

LadyGunn says Syd believes that sink = comfy bed.

Cat + hair + sink = plumber + $$. Does anyone out there know there's a whole website devoted to cat-in-sink photos?

Farmgirl Fare thought her plants would be safe indoors?!

When is a fe-lyin' is present nothing is safe anywhere at any time, up, down or sideways. Learn it, live it, love it.

Mind of Mog discovers how Meowza gets dirty. And how orangeboy thinks about himself (answer: handsome devil).

Piker. Try rollin' in the kitty pan next time. And…he wishes.

Sleeping Mommy catches the Boys, Willie and Mickey, overseeing the domain. When they sit around the house . . .

Ooooooo… Fe-lyings sheddin' hair all 'round the house.

Eli at Val's Bien was brave enough on Snow Day (but didn't like it).

'Course they totally ignored the dog who did.

Boo & Spike at Watermark suggest you stay indoors and visit catblogs.

Excellent suggestion. Fe-lyings should never be let out into polite society. In rude society, either, for that matter.

Slowly She Turned has a real post titled 'I love Lucy' (not just cute pics!)

This really is a nice story for cat lovers.

Piper of View from the Tower asks, Ain't I prettier than the computer? Answer: Yes.

Ask not for whom the computer crashes (from being clogged with fe-lyin' hair), it crashes 'cause of thee.

Striving for Average has some lazy days for us. Oh, that all days were that lazy.

Lazy fe-lyings. Surprised? Didn't think so.

Elms in the Yard shares some cat adventures both at home and away.

Suck-up cat, snotty cat, silly cat.

It's been cold in paradise! Seabrook has cat pics to prove it.

Demo-cats out in the cold. SOP.

Tigger and Blackjack like grapes. Yes, grapes - in the wee hours before lunchtime - at Life, Florida, Whatever. "After all how can you be mad at this face?"

If it's 4:00 am with cat spit and grape mush all over the kitchen floor I can be very, very, very very mad.

Great shot from pages turned with Ellie in the box. Now to get her out!

Leave her in and ship her to France.

EGO must check if there is sugar in the cat food.

Sleepin' fe-lyin'. Now where have I seen that before? Oh yeah… Everywhere!

A Shareware Life has a simply catblogging pic. Classic.

Cat is a cat is a cat is a cat. And still a fe-lyin'.

And finally, the guy who started it all, TBIFOC has a couple of cat cam shots comparing the orange boys. Who wins? You decide.

It's like tryin' to compare Bill Clinton and Michael Moore. Crap shoot.

Read the rest

posted by Harrison at 12:51 AM


Monday, February 20, 2006

Opinions Please


Since I was just writin' about all the silly rules 'n regulations California inflicts daily on its citizens, I have a question.

Ya'll recognize these little critters, right? Sea otters. I've seen a few hangin' around, 'specially when I was up in Monterey. I didn't meet 'em up close and personal—they liked to stay out in the water playin'. The sea lions were the real pushy ones, hoggin' all the good sittin' room on the wharf, makin' a mess, and barkin' up a storm. Believe me, a pack of dogs has nothin' on those guys when it comes to barkin'. But I digress.

See, there's a pollutant bein' indiscriminantly released into California's coastal waters that's killin' the little suckers. It's been known about for at least four years (if not longer) but no one seems interested in controllin' it! Amazin' when ya' consider how many people have been tryin' to save the otters forever!

My feelin' is this is somethin' that's gotta' be taken care of immediately! Taxes levied on the polluters, clean up required, and heavy fines for non compliance.

They've super-taxed, regulated, and banned most everythin' else in California. Why are they ignorin' this?

I'd really like your opinion on what you think should be done. Really. Honest.

Read the rest

posted by Harrison at 9:22 PM


Sunday, February 19, 2006

Where's Flash Gordon When You Really Need Him?

We loved livin' in California. The hardest decision we ever made was the one to pack up and move away, but the weirdness had gotten totally outta' hand. All the older (and old-fashioned) teachers were retirin' or leavin' to go into the business world, and we were stuck workin' with a bunch of greenie pups more interested in buildin' wigwams with their second-graders than teachin' 'em the times tables. (And you wonder why kids are like a bunch of little savages…)

'Course we might have stuck it out, except for Ming the Merciless and his cabal of anointed elites who were hell-bent on turnin' the state into their own private pleasure compound—and then expectin' us to pay for it. F'instance:

Beaches have to remain untrammeled by human (or canine) footprints so they can enjoy their private midnight strolls along the shore undisturbed.

Mountains have to be kept pristine so they can build their compounds on 'em and enjoy an unsullied view.

Forests cannot be invaded unless they want to build rustic, 50,000 sq. ft. six bedroom, six bath log cabins (with pool, Jacuzzi and tennis courts) in the middle of 'em to enjoy the wilderness.

Cars must be gas free, pollution free, and small enough to get shoved outta' the way (or run over) when they wanna' drive their Hummers on the freeways.

Toxic cigarette smoke must be banned outdoors so they can fully enjoy the high from their joints.

Undocumented workers must be given free access to the financial bounty of California, assigned to approved ghettos, and only come out when they want their fields harvested, their grass mowed, their gutters cleaned, their trash picked up, and their SUVs washed.

They demand equal rights for everyone except straight people and Christians.

That's just a sample, but it was enough to convince us to get the hell outta' Dodge (aka Rodeo Drive).

BUT… After all this time, I finally found the reason California is lookin' like somethin' that came from outer space.

Read the rest

posted by Harrison at 3:49 PM


Saturday, February 18, 2006

From the Litter Pan

Okay, who's hidin' the litter scoop? This pan really needs some cleanin'!

This bureau-cat is a big part of the stinky problem. Wonder why there are so many flea-bitten regulations? Too many fe-lyings at the EPA.

"[A]nimal-rights activist [Jabeen Akhtar] who painted tiger stripes on her nearly nude body and sat in a cage in downtown Charlotte, N.C., to protest circuses is employed by the U.S. government, working as a project point-person for the Environmental Protection Agency… Akhtar…clarified she is not a spokeswoman for the EPA. She [is] listed, however, as a contact person for the benefit of organizations, companies and agencies interested in projects…such as "Protection of Stratospheric Ozone: Phaseout of Chlorobromomethane Production and Consumption."

[FOR FURTHER INFORMATION CONTACT: …Jabeen Akhtar, U.S. Environmental Protection Agency, Global Programs Division (6205J), 1200 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW., Washington, DC, 20460, (202) 564-3514; akhtar.jabeen@epa.gov.]

A coupla' days ago I wrote about this woman who complained Southwest Airlines had done irrepairable harm to her psyche by sayin' she had to buy an extra seat 'cause she was…well…FAT!

She wasn't the first to run afoul of the Super-Size limit, but, accordin' to a recent rulin', she hasn't got a leg to stand on, no matter how large it happens to be.

"Nadine Thompson said she did not get a jury of her peers when an all-white jury on Friday ruled that Southwest Airlines did not discriminate against her for being black. Thompson…said…she would not appeal the verdict because she said has no desire to again be characterized in public "as a fat, black, foul-mouthed ghetto momma. It was the most humiliating thing I’ve ever gone through in my life."…

"Over the course of the four-day trial, [Lance Hellman of Portsmouth, a juror in the case] said it "became apparent to me that she didn’t have a case…" He said he was particularly swayed by the testimony of the employee who asked her to leave the plane and whom she subsequently called "a racist motherf*****."

Oops. If Nadine didn't like how she was characterized, maybe she should check her mouth along with her luggage. If there's room…

Hellman…said…"I am sympathetic for the underdog. And I can understand her not wanting to feel undervalued. But I think she has some growing to do."

Um…wasn't that the problem in the first place?

Another good reason why all tomcats should be neutered.

"Former President Bill Clinton today called for the conviction of European papers that published satirical cartoons of Muhammad, according to reports in the Islamic press and elsewhere. [He] condemned the publication of the caricatures by European newspapers and urged countries concerned to convict the publishers, according to the reports.

"He said religious convictions of the people should be respected at all costs and no media should be allowed to play with the religious sentiments of people of any faith.

So I guess Chris Ofili's The Holy Virgin Mary shouldn't have been displayed at the Brooklyn Museum in 1996, right?

"I strongly disagree with the creation and publication of cartoons that are considered blasphemous by the Muslims around the world," he said. "I thought it was a mistake." Talking to reporters after meeting Prime Minister Shaukat Aziz in Islamabad, Clinton said he disagreed with the caricatures and that the publication was against religious and ethical norms."

Well, Billy J.C., lyin' is against legal norms and ya' had no problem with that. Not to mention that little ethical lapse of doin' the ole' leg hump in the Oval Office.

Whatta' bunch of crap! Can we get a little Febreezetm in here?

Read the rest

posted by Harrison at 10:12 PM


Thursday, February 16, 2006


Just so ya' know I'm fair and balanced…

'Course last time I posted a link like this one, Meryl Yourish claims she nearly went into cuteness overload. Okay, consider this fair warnin'. Not that I think we should be encouragin' this kind of thing, but I report, you decide.

I'm told people actually watch American Idol too.

Read the rest

posted by Harrison at 7:04 PM


Pass the Ritalin

Eveone gets weird comments, but it's plain this guy's never actually read this blog.

"With all your macho pro-war overtones in this blog, you keep forgetting to mention which branch of the military YOU served in. Come on, don't be so modest. The Chairborne Division, right? The 101st Flying Chickenhawks? I know, the Keyboard Warriors. Come on, don't keep your readers guessing."

First, my Daddy's name was Macho Man, so I come by it naturally.

Still, I've always tried to be modest about my accomplishments—ya' know I’m not the type to brag. And since I wasn't alive durin' Vietnam I don't have any medals to toss around, so the ole' "grand, meaningless gesture" is out. Besides, I've always operated on the edges of things in, shall be say, more of a support capacity.

I've been "stationed" in various areas—Vandenberg AFB in CA, Fort Lee, VA—even did a bit of undercover work with a (retired) CIA black ops officer. Through it all I've tried to keep a low profile which, considerin' my size, isn't tough to do. But Two Dogs finally outted me…

Ever hear of the K-9 Corps, sucker?

Now go get a life—preferably somewhere in Iran.

Read the rest

posted by Harrison at 12:27 AM


Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Just a Little Reminder…

…in case ya' forgot what I told ya' last year


"The winner of the 130th annual Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show was a terrier with an egg-shaped head named Rufus."

We now return you to our regularly scheduled bloggin'.

Read the rest

posted by Harrison at 8:46 PM


Small Crunchy Bites

As usual, when there's work to be done, they draft the dogs.

"Dirt-diggers with four legs were the center of attention Thursday as ground was broken for a new animal shelter to be called Animal Village.

"Several dogs were brought to the site of the shelter on the city's south side to help break ground for the building to be erected by Little Rock Animal Services. Also present were several city officials."

And you could tell the two groups apart—how?

"The new $1.7 million facility will replace a city shelter built in 1960, City Manager Bruce Moore said, next to a dump."

Okay, pups, this is an example of how not to write a news story. Reread that last sentence and try to figure out what's bein' said. Is Little Rock next to a dump instead of just being a dump? Is the old shelter next to a dump? Is Bruce Moore next to a dump?

Or was the writer makin' an editorial comment about Bruce Moore's wife?

See the U.S.A…

…in your Bichon Frise.

How a dog is like a car. Hmmmm… We're certainly higher quality, even if the advertisers pushin' this Chevy ad All In One didn't think so.

"For thousands of years, dogs have offered protection, companionship and love to men their masters. More than friends, more than pets are the dogs who spend their lives bringing life into the darkness."

If you're lookin' for protection, companionship, and love from a car, you're probably still livin' in your parent's basement, and your idea of real excitement is a Star Trek convention and a 7 of 9 blow up doll.

"The engineer has done better with the automobile than nature did with the dog. For modern science has produced a car that satisfied all the demands of all drivers. Today's motor car is all in one."

Oh, yeah… In 1938 American manufacturers really thought they could outdo nature.

Ah-rf, Y'all

"Dogs have regional accents just like their owners, a study claims… "Dog owners were asked to phone and leave recorded messages of their voice as well as their dogs barking and growling. The sounds were then compared by a panel of experts… Tracey Gudgeon, of the Canine Behaviour Centre in Cumbria, said: "It seems dogs are more able to imitate stronger, more distinctive accents than softer ones. It's one of the ways they bond with their owner."… The study even found some dogs have "posh" accents…"

Wine list, please.

"A German restaurant has drawn protests and plaudits for refusing to give a dinner reservation to a mother who wanted to bring her two small children. Dogs would be welcome, it said, but "here, children are not allowed in the evening."

I think it's a great idea. It's a bitch havin' to fight those rug rats for the stuff that hits the floor.

Read the rest

posted by Harrison at 5:27 PM


Monday, February 13, 2006

What Women Want

…for Valentine's Day.


"It seems that Valentine’s Day is no longer only about romance and red roses. It’s also about doggie drool and furry affection, because some women appear to prefer hot dogs to cool guys.

"Doggy drool?" I want it known I do not drool! This was obviously written by a jealous fe-lyin'-type person. Everyone knows we canines set a great example for male humans, not to mention givin' 'em somethin' to shoot for...

On the other paw—there are cool guys out there?

According to a new national survey of 1,000 American adults — 500 dog owners and 500 non-dog owners — conducted by the American Kennel Club (AKC), 34 percent of the women dog owners endorsed the statement, “If my dog was a man, he’d be my boyfriend.”

And an overwhelming majority — nearly 90 percent — agreed that their dog had at least one endearing quality that they’d like to see in their significant other.

Like showin' up on time for dinner. I even tried bringin' a present or two, but that quality didn't turn out to be quite so endearin'.

"People are so in love with their dogs, it even affects their interpersonal relationships with other people, says Gail Miller, [AKC] spokes-
person. “Dogs are so important to their owners that they can...make or break a relationship.”

"So what are the doggy traits that make the women surveyed sigh? Pooches have a perennial good mood. They are always willing to spend time together, and always up for a cuddle on the couch. They're keen to exercise, and rarely complain about what is served for dinner.

"Other key qualities,…are that "dogs don’t talk back and you don’t have to worry about their emotions. In fact, you don’t have to worry about what they are thinking either," says [New York psychologist Joel] Gavriele-Gold, author of the best-selling book When Pets Come Between Partners: How to Keep Love — and Romance — in the Human/Animal Kingdom of Your Home."

Who's he tryin' to con! Obviously all those fools who bought that book. Ya' know, we may not speak Engish, but there's a reason your favorite chair's leg is decorated with tooth marks and the cushion feels a bit damp. In fact, some of us (you know who you are) might just eat the whole damn cushion to express our emotions.

"Dogs also shower their owners with total adoration, says Gavriele-Gold, who currently shares his home with a male and a female Bouvier des Flandres. “This has not always been the case in many of my human female relationships. Something gets lost when the significant other is capable of speech.”

'Specially with someone like him who's obviously enamoured with the sound of his own voice.

  "Robert Yau, founder of the San   Francisco-based Datemypet.com, the   online pet dating service that matches up
  people with pets [says] “We have found
  that a puppy really helps to break the

Unless said puppy tinkles on your tootsies, which has been known to happen. 'Course that does go a long way to separatin' the men from the boys.

"Someone with a cute puppy projects a nurturing, caring personality that attracts the opposite sex, says Yau. A person with a friendly dog comes across as friendly and responsible…"

Different dog breeds are also known for particular personality traits. Anyone trying to find the perfect mate by relating the type of dog they have in their lives should take note that German shepherds, Norwegian elkhounds, labrador retrievers and golden retrievers are considered to be very loyal. Boston terriers and French bulldogs have a good sense of humor. Border collies and dobermans are the athletes of the dog world. For intelligence, there’s nothing like a wire fox terrier, while bulldogs and pomeranians make perfect couch-potato companions.

And then there's me, who's got 'em all!

But, as they say, if ya' can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with.

Pucker up, sweetie!

Read the rest

posted by Harrison at 10:38 PM


Sunday, February 12, 2006

Olympic Moments

You think all the action is in Torino? Al contrario. We believe the Olympic experience should be an international, inter-species extravaganza. Therefore, in the spirit of peace, love, and my-medals-are-bigger-than-yours, we present an exclusive guide to the one, the only Canine Olympics*.

Short Track Speed Racin' 'n Squirrel Jumpin'

This sport involves chasin' a squirrel in tight circles around the yard until it jumps onto the garage roof where (if the weather cooperates) it will hit an ice patch and be launched off the roof like a catapault. Winner is the one who leaps highest, catchin' the squirrel. Bonus points for over the shoulder catches, 180 degree body twists, and actually hangin' on to the squirrel.

Variation is Short Track Racin' 'n Cat Jumpin' where athletes compete to see who can make a fe-lyin' jump highest onto a roof, fence or tree. Bonus points if ice is involved.

Brokeback Doubles Figure Skatin'

Points givin for length of clinch, jumps, spins, twirls, and footwork. Mandatory scorin' reductions for snarlin', snappin', and actual tooth to nose contact.

Kibble Curlin'

Speciality sport involving tossin' chunks of kibble into the air and seein' how far it will slide across a tile floor. Competitors race to see who's the first to retrieve it.

Variation is the Kibble Curlin' Combined where athletes vie to retrieve the kibble while avoidin' the jaws of fellow competitors and shots from AHM's squirt gun.

Step Ski Jumpin' (Weather permittin')

Official opens door, tosses out ball. Competitors race out, hit icy steps and are launched into a graceful arc (or not). Points for distance, style, and who lands on all fours. Disqualification for landin' in bushes or flowerpot. Bonus points for actually retrievin' the ball.

Cross-Country Varmint Pursuit was dropped from the schedule due to AHM repairin' the fence.

*Schedulin' note: there is no Fe-lyin' Olympics 'cause they're too lazy to get off their fat butts and do anything worthwhile.

Read the rest

posted by Harrison at 6:07 PM


Friday, February 10, 2006

Get a Room, Already

Sad to say, some canines have no class.

"Two passenger planes of Macedonia's national carrier MAT were stacked above Skopje airport until a pack of stray dogs could be cleared from the runway to let them land safely, officials said Thursday. A flight from Vienna and another from Zurich were ordered to circle the airfield Wednesday after security noticed the dogs "playing around" on the airfield's only runway… The two planes circled for 30 minutes around the capital until the dogs were driven off."

"Playing around" for 30 minutes, eh? Well, it's pret-ty clear what was goin' on there.

Supposedly you humans have somethin' called "The Mile High Club," 'tho havin' seen an airplane rest room up close and personal I can't figure out how you manage. I mean, there's not enough room in there to swing a cat much less swing anythin' else!

Maybe we canines should start "The Thirty Minute Runway Club." Yeah, you other guys might get a little jealous, but it'll give ya' something to shoot for, right?

Oh, and since I'm talkin' 'bout flyin' the mile high friendly skies—or playin' on the runway—ya' gotta' read this blog entry by a self described "[l]ife-loving fat lesbian separatist feminist," rather unfortunately titled "Screwed by Southwest." (I only made it through paragraph four but you might have a stronger stomach.)

Now my brain is on an endless loop of The Mile High Club plus this person.

Like I said—some dogs have no class.

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posted by Harrison at 10:57 PM


Breaking News

Michael Jackson kicked out of Bahrain. Here's the scoop.

Update. Um…wrong link. Ya' know, I coulda' sworn it was him with one of his little friends, but… Let's see… Ah ha! Try this one.

Update II. Still wrong? Oh, c'mon. That's gotta' be him. Just look at that outfit!

Oh, damn it! All right. It's here.

Other source material here and here.

Read the rest

posted by Harrison at 4:51 PM


Thursday, February 09, 2006

Takes One to Know One

"It's hard being loved by the stupid."

Cover of French satirical magazine Charlie Hebdo.

Dug up at The Corner.

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posted by Harrison at 10:31 PM


From the Litter Pan

Bell, Book, Candle, Cat. Which one should not be on that list?

"A burning candle knocked over by a house cat has been cited as the apparent cause of a blaze late Sunday afternoon that injured two women and did $500,000 damage to the River Place Condominiums near downtown Naperville."

I wanna' know how good Muslims found this.

"Yesterday, the erotic retailer Ann Summers unveiled [British Page 3 girl Emma] B as the "face" of its new range of products. Not 24 hours later, she finds herself on the front line of Islamic protest after Muslim leaders discovered that the range includes a new blow-up doll, called "Mustafa Shag". Unfortunately, Mustafa was one of the names given to the Prophet Mohamed."

Probably performs better than the original, too.

I'm gonna' rethink that pigeon business if we can train ours to do this.

A lion is a fe-lyin', ya' know.

“I was just doing the routine weekly maintenance on the (saltwater) tank,” Kevin recalls. “Apparently she didn't like what I did." The “she” Kevin is referring to, is his lion fish, named Lily. Lily charged Kevin's hand and jabbed six of her poisonous spines into him. "I was just screamin,” Kevin said. "I just remember her stinging and then I remember crawling around on the floor."

Yeah—that was pretty much my first experience with a stingin' fe-lyin', too.

Read the rest

posted by Harrison at 3:29 PM


Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Boo Boo, Moo Moo, and Letikuku Sidumbu

You think I'm makin' it up, don’t you?

Boo Boo,

"…had a "fowl" experience last week. She drowned, but thanks to "mouth-to-beak" resuscitation by a family member who is a retired nurse, she survived…"

There are actually two versions of this story. The tame Breitbart version:

"Marian Morris saved her brother's exotic chicken, Boo Boo, by administering "mouth-to-beak" resuscitation on the fowl after it was found floating face down in the family's pond."

And the Come to Jay-sus! version:

"Jackie Calhoun said…"I came home for lunch about 12:30 p.m. I heard some commotion in the chicken yard. I found Boo Boo face down, floating in the pond."…

"I picked her up and started giving her the Heimlich maneuver. I pushed on her belly and patted her on the back," he said. As a preacher, he also thought to say a few words over her. "I said, 'In the name of Jesus, you will live. You will not die.'"…"

But there's one quote both stories agree on:

[Marian Morris] began mouth-to-beak resuscitation, "I breathed into its beak, and its dad-gum eyes popped open."


…Moo Moo,

the wiener dog has helped save its owner from a hot situation. The little dachshund kicked up a big ruckus as smoke filled a home in Upper Marlboro, outside of Washington, D.C.

"…Moo Moo began barking and scratching at its owner's bedroom door. The woman awoke to find thick smoke filling the home. She called 911 and locked herself and Moo Moo in the bedroom. Firefighters rescued Moo Moo and the woman from a second-floor window."

Frankly, if some ditzy broad named me "Moo Moo" I'd be tempted to let 'er burn—or at least sauté a little.

…and Letikuku Sidumbu

"…was crossing a river [in Zimbabwe] when [a] crocodile seized his arm,… He escaped with injuries to his arm, leg, chest and stomach after local villagers linked hands to set him free.

Villagers had been hoping to retrieve a large enough part of his body for a burial should the crocodile win the contest, Mr Sidumbu told the newspaper. "One thing was clear—that they wanted to salvage at least a piece of my flesh," he said."

Even I couldn't make this stuff up.

Read the rest

posted by Harrison at 3:49 PM


Whine, Whine, Whine, Whine, Whine

Livin' in the South ya' get used to hearin' a lot of whinin' 'bout losin' wars along with endless woulda', shoulda', coulda'-s. Elderly southern ladies are the feistiest and frankly, if more of their great-grandma's had taken up arms, we'd probably be speakin' Southern right now.

Mike Holmgren seems to be channelin' a few.

"The officiating, though, has been a the major topic of discussion since Sunday night. Right after the game, Seahawks coach Mike Holmgren suggested that a first-quarter offensive interference call on the Seahawks' Darrell Jackson, negating what would have been the game's first touchdown, probably should have been "a no call."

"Holmgren…fueled the debate Monday during a rally for the Seahawks at Qwest Field when he said, "We knew it was going to be tough going up against the Pittsburgh Steelers. I didn't know we were going to have to play the guys in the striped shirts as well."

Mike Holmgren meet Troy Polamalu and Joey Porter.

"Replays on the offensive interference call showed that Jackson's arms made contact with Pittsburgh's Chris Hope and that they separated afterward. Under the rules, pass interference took place but sometimes the call isn't made."

Sometimes is the operative word there, Mikey. Besides, ya' might wanna' remember that was in the first quarter. Ya' don't think if ya' had played like champions sometime durin' the next three quarters you woulda' pulled out a win?

"The first TD of the game scored on a third-down rollout by Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger late in the first half. Roethlisberger appeared to come down short of the goal line, but it was unclear on replay whether he had gotten the ball to the line before going down…"

Those people who TiVoed the play, and viewed it frame by frame, pretty much agree the nose of the ball broke the plane of the goal line before Roethlisberger hit the ground. Maybe the refs needed TiVo?

'Course Holmgren & Co. had over a minute and a half after that play to move into scorin' range and at least make the score 7-6. Hasselbeck shoulda' worked the clock instead of actin' like he was bein' attacked by killer bees while tryin' to call an audible.

"One call that clearly appeared erroneous came after that penalty, when Hasselbeck threw an interception to Pittsburgh's Ike Taylor, then made the tackle but was called for a block below the waist, giving the Steelers an extra 15 yards. They scored soon afterward on a pass from Antwaan Randle El to Hines Ward. Replays showed Hasselbeck never made contact with the player he was supposed to have hit illegally, instead going straight to Taylor to make the tackle."

Considerin' Antwaan threw a 51 yard touchdown pass to Hines Ward—usin' the same play—durin' the Cleveland game just before Christmas, do ya' really think 15 yards coulda' made a difference?

You guys just plain lost. Deal with it and move on.

Read the rest

posted by Harrison at 7:31 AM


Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Apologies, Awards, and A Call to Arms

With all the excitement of the Super Bowl and my team (okay AHM's team) winnin', I forgot to post the results of the Best So Far Awards at Bloggin' Outloud. Sorry guys.

Thanks to everyone who pitched in to put us in the top three. We were only 101 votes behind the catboy who likes to dress up in sequined capes and rhinestone tiaras, and 107 votes behind the winner—a DINO (Dog in Name Only—a fe-lyin' claimin' to be a "Pooch"). I knew it would be a tough fight considerin' those fe-lyings have nothin' better to do than sit around makin' up new emails to stuff the ballot box. ('Course it does look like that last fake email I created made a difference.)

We definitely have 'em headin' up a tree, though, and here's big time proof they're runnin' scared of us dog bloggers. THOSE DEMO-CATS ARE TRYIN' TO DISENFRANCHISE US!

Lyn has been askin' everyone to vote for the next round of categories and guess what?—25% voted for "Pet Blogs – Cats Only." Who the friggin' hell do they think they are? Get your dirty fe-lyin' faces outta' the litter pan, fools. Geeze…it's an endless battle, isn't it? (Go vote 'em out.)

Thanks, Lyn, for all the work, in spite of the "controversy". It was fun, even if my carefully laid out campaign did get trashed with the early poll closings.

Oh, and if ya' wanna' be a part of the next round, go offer her some help. I'll be glad to referee the "Best Pet Blog-Cats Only" category…


…now if I can just find some dog blogger callin' 'emself The Pussycat…

Read the rest

posted by Harrison at 11:38 PM


Pigeons Poop On Pollution

File this story in the "Some People Never Learn" category.

"Pigeons with mobile phones to monitor pollution."

"A flock of pigeons wearing mobile phone backpacks are to be used to monitor air pollution in California. About 20 pigeons will each carry a mobile phone with a GPS tracking chip and air pollution sensors, reports New Scientist. Data will be sent back via text messages to a so called pigeon 'blog' on air quality."

Aka the Daily Kos.

"And miniature cameras tied around the birds' necks will post aerial pictures of trouble spots. Beatriz da Costa, a researcher from the University of California at Irvine, and two of her students came up with the idea…"

Now I've discussed the coast to coast pigeon pollution problem before, 'specially an article from the San Francisco Chronicle:

"Out at the Central Contra Costa Sanitary District's Pacheco plant they've got pigeons. Pigeons for days. Pigeons on the roof, in the I-beams, in the gutters and all over the machinery. And where there are pigeons, there is pigeon poop. Tons of it…

"So [Chuck Batts, plant general manager] reached what might seem a logical solution -- pigeon-cide. Most of us would agree that it has a certain blunt logic. And so workers…were sent with pellet rifles about six or eight months ago to thin the ranks, Batts said. It was not a pretty sight.

"There were dead birds falling from the sky, wounded birds flopping on the ground and blood everywhere. The workers complained."

And goin' beyond the poop problem (or not), those green eggheads and hambones forgot a basic law of the wild. Pigeons, along with any other small animal, are smorgasbord on the wing for hawks—as New York City discovered when they hired a bunch of 'em to police Central Park.

"Unfortunately, there have been some problems with the raptors. Last year, one of the New York hawks mistook a Chihuahua for lunch. The dog's owner, not expecting the pet to be attacked from above by a flesh-eating bird of prey…was not happy. That's the problem, says [Bill Quarles, executive director of Biointegral Resource Center]. "You're sitting at a bench, eating your lunch and Whap!" he says. "Blood and feathers everywhere."

That'll take animal picture bloggin' to a new level.

Read the rest

posted by Harrison at 9:17 PM


Monday, February 06, 2006

Consider the Hammer Dropped

Read the rest

posted by Harrison at 12:23 AM


Sunday, February 05, 2006

Kick Off!

Beer-swillin' union thugs versus latte-sippin' computer geeks.
Time to drop the hammer.

Picture by Steeler Fanatic.

Read the rest

posted by Harrison at 6:15 PM



Glenn Reynolds has a link to a site full of Mohammed images through history, includin' one where, on his way to heaven, Mo takes a mo to advertise German boullion.

Almost at the bottom of the gallery are the three additional images the Danish imans snuck unto the booklet they took to the Middle East. The link to the original web page source doesn't work—d'uh—so you'll have to scroll down. (One of 'em is my personal fav, but since this is a family site, I won't reproduce it here.) Midway down the page are illustrations by Auguste Rodin and Salvador Dalí from Dante's Inferno. AHM says the Dalí is a particular good likeness.

'Course I can't see 'em real well considerin' 1) I'm getting' old and 2) I'm a dog, but I always thought somethin' was missin' from the original 12 cartoons that started it all.

Ahhhhhhhhh… That's better…

*See You In The Funny Pages

Read the rest

posted by Harrison at 1:53 PM


Saturday, February 04, 2006

Super Bowl Predictions

Everybody's makin' 'em.

But only mine is the definitive analysis of who will win. I have researched both teams—focusin' on the quarterbacks as the field generals of this particular war—and discovered who's got the edge. Naturally I sought out the most important element—animal companions.

After an exhaustive hour Googlin' the Seahawks' "Matt Hasselbeck," I found nothin'. Zero, zip, zilch. Now that silence is veeeery revealin'. He's obviously hidin' somethin'—and that somethin' is probably…a fe-lyin'!

On top of that, the dirty birdies…er…Seahawks…are still messin' with Texas (A&M that is) by refusin' to give up their 12th Man flag and their fans are mockin' A&M's request:

"We would like to encourage all 12th Men and Women around the world to help Texas A&M's athletic department in its time of financial need. It is very important that sports fans help amateur athletics. We are asking and encouraging that all sports fans, big and small, please send 12 cents to the Texas A&M athletic department to help in their fund-raising campaign."

Hrumph! 12 cents is about all the Seahawks are worth anyway. The only reason they're in the Super Bowl is they got themselves moved to the NFC when they couldn't cut it in the AFC.

As for the Steelers' Ben Roethlisberger, right off the bat I discovered he's a blogger—with a DOG!


Next came this headline: Big Ben stands tall in Super Bowl pocket but misses his dog.

"And what does he miss about going on the road for a fourth consecutive game, even if the Super Bowl is officially a neutral-site game?

"My dog," he said, speaking fondly of the Rottweiler named Zeus that stayed back in Pittsburgh. "If I could have my dog here it would be perfect, but coach Cowher wouldn't let me bring him."

Double yoi!

Isn't the winner obvious?

Read the rest

posted by Harrison at 11:53 AM


Friday, February 03, 2006


Canines have been in the forefront of history and tradition, workin' side by side with humans for nearly 14,000 years.

"Often the dogs were buried with their owners, Morey notes. The oldest known dog, dating to about 14,000 years ago in Germany, was buried with two people. In Kentucky, at Indian Knoll, more than half of the dog burials from around 5,000 years ago were with people. And at Ashkelon, in Israel, about 1,000 dogs were buried next to a human cemetery more than 2,000 years ago.

"And these weren't casual burials, Morey notes. "At Ashkelon, each corpse was carefully placed in its own grave, with the dogs buried on their sides and their tails arranged to curl at the feet."

We've been your partners through thick and thin; hunted for your food and hauled your wagons; rescued the injured, comforted the sick, and listened to your problems for longer than your current shrink—all for nothin' more than the chance to be your companion.

We've been the stars of classic literature, stage, and screen, from A Dog of Flanders to Rin Tin Tin to Lassie to Old Yeller to Benji to Beethoven to Hubble.

Now it's time for you to help us step up to the forefront of the new media—the bloggers. For too long certain other animals have been allowed to spread their influence across the internet. Dog bloggers—not pussyfooters—should be leadin' the way through the 21st century; blazin' a trail for our pups and grandpups; showin' any youngster they can do it. It's time for you humans to cast your 3 votes for real equality and diversity; to vote for the future of canines on the internet.

Don't let her be left behind…

Check it out at Blogging Out Loud.

Read the rest

posted by Harrison at 6:16 PM


The Dogs Are Runnin'

Haven't voted for me yet? Ya' only got 'til Saturday to show those fe-lyings we canines mean business, so get those little paws movin'.

As I dig around the various pet blogs, I've noticed some pets are experts on Spam, others on haute couture, others on, well, themselves and their pleasures. But if you prefer a true Renaissance pet blog, look no further—than me.

From the relevant to the risqué; science to psychiatry; politics to quantum physics; dancin' to bull-doggin'; food to travelin' to gardenin'; humor to the human condition. You'll find 'em all here.

It's your choice. Substance…or somethin' else.

Read the rest

posted by Harrison at 7:41 AM


Thursday, February 02, 2006


I'm here to tell ya', whatever they say, Punxy Phil did not see his shadow this mornin'. That's just somethin' Halliburton made up so we'd accept higher heatin' oil prices.

"Punxsutawney Phil was pulled from his stump just after sunrise and held aloft by handler Bill Deeley. The groundhog was draped in a Steelers Terrible Towel and then lowered to look for his shadow. Despite overcast skies, Phil was declared to have seen it."

Now to the real story.

A bunch of fools wearin' top hats (yeah, really) hauled Phil outta' bed at some God-awful hour to face a crowd of 10,000 people all yellin' and flappin' towels. Bein' a self-respectin' animal, Phil took one look at all those towels and came to the obvious conclusion:

Run for your life! BAAAAAATH!!

And that's the truth…

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posted by Harrison at 3:21 PM


Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Sure Hope Mickey Doesn't Get Jealous

"Move over Neil Armstrong, Harrison has gone into space blogging history. Ten years from now your blog will be reaching the undiscovered, unchartered, never-before-touched-by-human-hands planet of Pluto! --The BlogInSpace Team"

That's one small step for a canine, one giant leap for bloggin' dogs everywhere.

Read the rest

posted by Harrison at 11:29 PM


From the Litter Pan

Isn't this why we fought a war—to rid ourselves of pussies like these?

British Parliament debates law givin' pets their own 'bill of rights.'

"Pets are to be given five "freedoms" under new legislation before Parliament that aims to raise the standards of welfare by fining or jailing owners who neglect their animals. The freedoms include appropriate diet, suitable living conditions, companionship or solitude as appropriate, monitoring for abnormal behaviour and protection from pain, suffering, injury and disease… Once the Bill becomes law, secondary legislation could be introduced creating codes of conduct for different types of pet. An 18-page cat code has been drawn up as an example."

Demo-cat encourages 24/7 spyin' on citizens.

"Mayor Daley on Monday embraced a radical plan to require every licensed Chicago business open more than 12 hours a day to install indoor and outdoor cameras."

How to Live with Multiple Cats.


Read the rest

posted by Harrison at 7:45 PM


Best So Far Awards

Votin' is enabled so go do it.

Now I read through the blogs of my distinguished opponents at the Pet Blogs nominations and discovered…they're all fe-lyings! (Well, except for a Demo-cat, a llama, a poet, and a dog blog that reviews dog stuff.)

So I'm callin' on all the canines of the web—Cal, Pluto, the Yorkies, Bogart, yes, even the Big Dogs. Take a stand and vote for me. 'Course I'm not askin' for myself. I've done a lot of winnin'. I'm used to winnin' where it counts—in the show ring. But the honor of canines is at stake here! We cannot allow fe-lyings free rein any longer. It's time to come out of the kennel. It's time to demand diversity. It's time to take on the blogosphere. It's time to think of future generations...

Do it!--for the puppies…

Rules on How to Vote
You have 3 votes to cast per category.
You may cast your votes in the following ways:
All 3 votes for one favorite nominee in that category;
2 votes for a favorite and 1 vote for a second favorite;
1 vote for three different favorite nominees.
(Note: You do not have to stick with one method for all categories.)
Send an email to BestSoFar@RightThinking.net with your votes.

Read the rest

posted by Harrison at 3:06 PM