Name:Harrison Location:United States

The Original Lovable Little Fuzzball

Here's the straight stuff.

The adventures of Harrison are true.
Try a few of his Crunchy Bites for a taste.
--Alpha Human Mom

Monday, March 31, 2008

Feel Good Story of the Day

‘Specially after all that PETA kitty litter yesterday.

”A dog [Rex, the German short-haired pointer cross] has rescued a tiny baby kangaroo, gently carrying it to safety in its mouth after the joey's mother was killed by car.


“The dog had found the four-month-old joey in the pouch of its dead mother and gently prised it out, carrying it back to his owner [Leonie Allan].

“The animals showed an instant fondness for each other, nuzzling and playing together, Mrs Allan said. "The joey was snuggling up to him, jumping up to him and Rex was sniffing and licking him. It was quite cute."

Full story here

Dug up at Mostly Dogs Blog

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posted by Harrison at 3:48 PM


Sunday, March 30, 2008

People Exterminating Thousands of Animals*

I was readin' through the Dolittler Vet Blog and dug up this story. Seems PETA is goin' after a west coast journalist/blogger Gina Spadafori 'cause she wrote they killed almost all the pets given into their care.

"Let’s start with what I am absolutely not wrong about, which is something most people do not seem to know about PETA: That the animal-rights group kills almost all the pets surrendered to it, almost 3,000 killed in 2006 alone. This information comes from PETA itself, as reported to the Commonwealth of Virginia in a report required of all the state's shelters.. More than nine of 10 pets who end up at PETA are killed there.

"PETA does not dispute this.

"The letter from the PETA Foundation attorney says I was wrong in assuming that an animal-rights group such as PETA would be trying to find new homes for the animals who were killed at PETA."

Silly humans. Why would ya' think an animal-rights group would want to save animals?

Most everyone I know already hates PETA for soooo many reasons and wouldn't think of donatin' a bag of used kitty litter to 'em, but just in case there's one or two fools out there, ya' might wanna' check out this site.*

Warning: it'll make ya' sick as a dog.

Read the rest

posted by Harrison at 11:51 PM


To Sleep, Perchance to Dream…

…of tear gas spray, robotic arms, and projectile weaponry?

It's not often ya' find a bed that could be grounds for a Second Amendment case.

AHM and me spent a long time pawin' through this website tryin' to figure out how paranoid ya'd have to be to spend (presumably) a gazillion dollars on one queen size bed.

"The basic Quantum Sleeper unit consists of an aluminum bed frame and […] bullet proof polycarbonate barrier…designed to stop bullet penetration, blows from impact, forced entry and provide a sealed temporary safe room and environment from burglars, terrorist or harmful gasses and also provide protection from the destructive forces of tornados, hurricanes, earthquakes and floods. The unit can also be fitted with defensive devices customized to the requests of the purchasers such as tear gas spray, robotic arms, or projectile weaponry."

Wow. Those guys thought of everythin'.

Well…not really.

The makers claim "The rebreather system is also useful as the ultimate protection (safe room) from weapons of mass destruction that may be used during biological warfare, chemical warfare, bio-chemical attack or other type gas attack that could release an unknown or new form of hazardous gas. […] This system will provide a breathable atmosphere for up to 3 days."

All well 'n good 'till ya' dig around the Installation instructions.

"Unit must have access to house outlet jack (110V) to supply power to the Quantum Sleeper Unit and may be run separately through the floor directly to the unit."

Oooookay. Now let's all think reeeeeal hard. What happens when a tornado, hurricane, earthquake, flood or wildfire occurs? Can you say power outage?

But, you say, they did consider that problem…sort of.

"There are doors on either side of the unit next to the headboard that have an emergency release button that when pressed will cause the doors to pop open in case of mechanical failure or loss of power to the operating systems."

Sounds great—unless, of course, you're tryin' to protect yourself from those pesky weapons of mass destruction which probably will have caused a power outage—among other things.

Oh, and there's one more little necessity we couldn't find, 'specially if you're gonna' do the the hide-for-3-days thingy. AHM even enlarged the diagram 400% and it was still missin'.

If you find it, let me know where they hid it, 'kay?

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posted by Harrison at 12:15 AM


Sunday, March 23, 2008

Size Matters Not

On Saturday there was a pro-Marine rally in Berkeley, CA. I never get a chance to join in on fun things like that. ('Round here there's not enough room to swing a Demo-cat without hittin' a miltary type, and they tend to get real militant when hit by a swingin' Demo-cat).

Anyway, I might not have made it, but it was nice to see one of our cousins mannin'—er—doggin' the barricades.

Michelle Malkin has more pics and links—without a fe-lyin' in sight!

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posted by Harrison at 11:50 PM


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posted by Harrison at 1:10 AM


Friday, March 21, 2008

Small Crunchy Bites

Wha'd'ya' get if ya' combine one greedy ole' terrier granddam with a box of marshmallow peeps?—peep diorama.

"The challenge: Create a diorama using Marshmallow Peeps. And you rose to the challenge. The inaugural Q Section International Peeps Diorama Competition drew upwards of 500 entries. With prizes up to $101 at stake, the competition was extremely tough, but the judges have narrowed the finalists down to these 10. The winners will be announced March 23.

Artificial fe-lyings. The only way to go. Well, maybe.

This isn't a bad idea…

"U.S. patent #1167502 was granted to Hugh Huffman and Ernest J. Peck of Portland, Oregon on January 11, 1916 for a “scarecrow” that features an artificial cat. The cat’s movements, driven by wind, gravity, and Isaac Newton’s three laws of motion, are intended to mimic those of a genuine, living feline."

…but this?

"Japan has created an unusual government post to promote animation, and named a perfect figure Wednesday to the position: a popular cartoon robot cat named Doraemon."

Froggie Went A-Courtin'. D'ya' know there are 170 verses for that song? Far as I can tell, none of 'em say a word about this.

"A lovers' lane is being set up around a Powys lake to help the area's amorous amphibians meet up for mating. The road at Llandrindod Wells lake is to close nightly for the next three weeks to aid the breeding season."

Finally, reason #3,509 to avoid Tennessee—homicidal goats.

"The wife of a prominent Montgomery County pastor told deputies that her husband was apparently killed by a goat he was trying to return to a fenced-in area near their…home,… The Rev. Liston Richardson, 76, pastor of Sunnyview Independent Missionary Baptist Church, was found dead by his wife, Lucille, after he didn’t return for some time, according to an incident report.

"Mrs. Richardson told Deputy David Johnson she found her husband laying on the ground — the rope used to tie the goat wrapped around Mr. Richardson's neck and feet. She said she noticed he wasn't breathing, but when she tried to get near her husband, the goat tried to attack her."

Read the rest

posted by Harrison at 12:45 AM


Monday, March 17, 2008

First One Who Says "Kiss Me I'm Irish" Gets It

No, that's not me. You can tell 'cause…well…'cause that hat is still in one piece to start. It's not any of relations either, tho' Great Granddam Bitch was known to drape herself in geegaws when a camera lens was pointed in her direction.

It's enough to drive a dog to drink—not that AHM would let us.

But there are some of ya' out there who apparently just have to celebrate St. Paddy's Day by consumin' foamy green stuff and, after great quantities of said stuff, be tempted to offer a swig to your non-human companions. Don't. It just might produce some other foamy green stuff that means an expensive trip to the vet. (And ya' might wanna' remember piscatorial pets are no better equiped to handle green foamy stuff than your average canine or fe-lyin'.)

'Course some of you livin' an anthropomorphic dream think your canine friends want join in your celebratin'. Luckily, for those desperate sorts, the free enterprise system has filled the void—or the beer bottle, as the case may be.

"Non-alcoholic and non-carbonated, our Happy Tail Ale is the ultimate liquid refreshment for your best friend. Our beer is made in a real brewery and starts with artesian water and choice malted barley."

Erin go brwaaappzth!

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posted by Harrison at 1:25 AM


Sunday, March 16, 2008

doG's Day

The day of rest...

...and your antidote for Caturday

Dug up at City Rag Blogs

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posted by Harrison at 1:25 AM


Thursday, March 13, 2008

Mother Goose & Grimm by Mike Peters

Demo-cats, that is.

Both houses of Congress endorsed the idea of tax increases for millions of Americans Thursday as Democrats pressed ahead with budget plans that would allow some or all of President Bush's reductions to die after he leaves office.

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posted by Harrison at 10:57 PM



Whenever I read about the Iditarod® I have flashbacks to my puppyhood and the Little Red Wagon fiasco. (I first wrote about it a few years ago, so if you've read it before, just skip this entry.)

Anyway, when I was a mere teenage pup, Silly Human Female thought it would be cute (I hate cute) to put harnesses on all of us, hook us up to a little red wagon and have us haul her shoppin' bags around town. It was a reeeeaally stupid idea. The stupidest idea of all the stupid ideas that paragon of stupidness thought up. The only smart idea was tryin' it out in the drive before headin' into town. That and not even thinkin' about makin' Dad join in which would have resulted in some serious bleedin' and loss of fingers. (If she had checked with AHM first, she woulda' heard about the Flexible Flyer sled incident which did result in a goodly number of Band Aids® on fingers.)

Well, right off the girls started squabblin' about who was wearin' the red harness instead of the blue, Uncle Harry was bitchin' about bein' stuck next to Grand Dam Bitch (who promptly laid down for a nap, never to get up without a well-placed stick of dynamite) and my brother Han and I thought we'd act out the great chariot race from Ben Hur.

Do ya' know how much noise one of those suckers makes when it flips over and gets dragged across asphalt, gravel, and rocks? With all the clangin' and bangin' we naturally figured the Great Fe-lyin' Devil from Hell was chasin' us which only made us run faster--in six different directions. Grand Dam Bitch hadn't moved that fast since…well…since never.

Lookin' back now I understand why Alpha Human Mom just stood there laughin', 'tho at the time I was pissed as hell she didn't stop SHF. AHM claimed seein' her stumble around after us was better than watchin' the Keystone Kops--whoever they are--'specially when we made SHF jump into the rose bushes to get out of our way.

No one got hurt, 'cept for our dignity and a couple of scratches on SHF. 'Course since then we've never been able to look at anything small 'n red with wheels without gettin' the urge to attack.

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posted by Harrison at 4:10 PM


Iditarod® Results

But did he secretly tape his opponents' defensive signals?

"The incredible Lance Mackey has done it again… He crossed the finish line with a strong string of 11 dogs at 2:46 a.m. March 12, winning the Iditarod in 9 days, 11 hours, 46 minutes and 48 seconds. Following up on a storybook year in 2007 of unmatched greatness against unbelievable odds — winning the Yukon Quest and Iditarod back to back on a shoe-string budget wearing the same bib number of his father and brother when they won the race — Mackey has again claimed victory in both the Quest and Iditarod. Back-to-back double doubles."

More info on the other teams.

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posted by Harrison at 12:07 AM


Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Kibbles 'n Bits®

"I had rather have a fool to make me merry than experience to make me sad."*

This is one canine that knows her Shakespeare.

"A retired greyhound disrupted a professional soccer game in England when the floodlights and crowd noise brought back memories of her racing days. Fool's Mile escaped from owner Jane Holland and ran four circuits of the pitch, halting play between Blackpool Reserves and Burnley Reserves and prompting a standing ovation from spectators."

This is why God invented me—and all other herdin' type canines.

"Police in the northern German village of Güster had their hands full on Monday when they were called out to catch an escaped sheep. "They gave chase in their vehicle but the pursuit didn't prove easy because the animal at times ran at speeds of up to…28 miles per hour," police said in a statement.

"They finally caught up with it when it briefly got its leg stuck in a fence. An officer carefully lifted the uninjured animal from the fence and placed in the field. But the sheep evidently didn't like its new home because it made a daring leap straight over the hood of the police car.

"Police didn't catch up with the sheep until it had reached the next village where it was persuaded to move into a more comfortable field, police said. They are now trying to locate the owner of the "adventurous animal," the statement said."

Twisty holiday traditions. Faint heart ne'er won fair lady…but some guys in Buffalo think icy water from Lake Erie might.

"A winter-related shortage of pussy willows may take the sweet sting out of this year’s Dyngus Day fun. Icy, snowy weather over the last month has delayed the budding process, meaning that there probably won’t be enough locally grown switches for the flirting ritual that highlights the traditional Polish celebration. You know, the one where girls swat boys with pussy willows to win them over, and boys respond by dousing them with water."

Money quote: "Without the willowy whips “there might not be as many romantic outcomes,” fretted Marty Biniasz, founder of Dyngus Day Buffalo."

And in the oh-yeah-this-should-end-well-category, the winner is

"An Iowa mayor takes extreme measures to get wild cats off the streets. It's a plan that's drawing a lot of criticism…

"After several complaints [about the number of stray cats] Randolph city leaders are now asking for help. The mayor's plan is to put a bounty on all cats. If you can lure one to you and catch it, it will earn you five bucks."

*As You Like It Act iv, Scene 1

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posted by Harrison at 11:23 PM


Sex and the Single Canine

Sometimes a story comes along ya' just gotta' gnaw apart like one of those big ole' chews 'cause it makes ya' wonder why they call us dumb animals.

"Dog owners in Amsterdam are angry after the city legalised public sex in one of the city's most famous parks. Councillors agreed that heterosexual and gay couples could have sex in the Vondelpark which has ten million visitors a year."

Legalized public sex… Considerin' how canines and fe-lyings like to gather their kibble where they may, what's the big deal with dog owners?

"But they promised to clampdown on dog owners who let their pets walk in the park without a lead."

Ah. Well. I can definitely see a problem or two with dogs let loose among the undulatin' hordes considerin' we're equiped with a matched set of very sharp teeth. Since I'm tryin' to keep this blog family friendly I won't go into all the euphemisms for certain parts of the human anatomy, but we canines do like to—ah—"clamp down" on things that bear a strong resemblance to rawhide bones.

"One dog owner protested: "As long as the park has existed, we've been allowed to let our dogs run freely. It's outrageous that we will be punished from now on but public sex won't." A spokesman for the council which runs the southern part of Amsterdam said: "When the dogs are not kept on a leash they pee on whatever they see and they cause a lot of nuisance for other visitors."

Newsflash for the spokesman: dogs pee on whatever they see whether they're on a leash or not! It's all about that pesky mark-your-territory urge. And d'ya' ever hear about those reeeeeeally long extendin' leashes? I'm getting' the feelin' there's been a run on them at every pet store in Amsterdam.

"Alderman Paul Van Grieken defended the decision to allow public sex in the park from September. "Why should we oppose a rule on something you can't oppose a rule on."

Does anyone else think somethin' got lost in translation? Yes? Well, it gets worse.

"Moreover [Van Grieken said] it isn't a nuisance for the other visitors…"

Not a nuisance, huh? Well, he obviously isn't only a foot tall. Imagine AHM and me takin' an innocent walk in the park (on a long leash, of course) and I decide to investigate the nearest bush… Whoa!! Holy Granddam of the Dog God! Ya' really don't wanna' come nose to—er—somethin' with that sight.

"…and gives a lot of pleasure to a certain group of people," he said.

Oh yeah…voyeurs, perverts, and psychos are already signin' up for their vacation-of-a-lifetime tour, not to mention the one-time-use camera concessionaires.

"There still are rules," he added. "They must take their garbage with them afterwards and never have intercourse near the playground. The sex must be limited to the evening hours and night."

A few off-paw thoughts: How tough is it to find certain bits of "garbage" in the dark? How near is near? And do they have Daylight Savings Time in the Netherlands?

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posted by Harrison at 12:05 AM


Friday, March 07, 2008

Upcomin' Dates to Remember

First, the annual International Eat a Tasty Animal for PETA Day on March 15th. We all get our favorite treat, reserved for Christmas, birthdays, and IEATAPETA Day: beef liver, boiled, dried in the oven, and chopped into our kibble. Yum! And the house smells wonderful for days.

[That's open for debate.~AHM]

[Beauty is in the eye—er—nose of the beholder, ya' know.~Harrison]

And my #2 choice is April 18th—if ya' have anything left after April 15th, that is. Click the link—I dare ya'—and be sure to wash your hands afterward.

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posted by Harrison at 10:10 PM


Thursday, March 06, 2008

Iditarod® Update

At the halfway mark, a woman takes home the gold!

"Checkers huddled around the inflatable palm trees set up as a joke at this remote tent camp on Wolf Kill Slough were expecting Paul Gebhardt as dawn broke this morning. Instead, they heard a woman’s voice chirping across the snow-covered swamp speckled with black spruce. It was DeeDee Jonrowe, and nobody was more surprise than she to be the winner of the GCI Dorothy Page Halfway award, which comes with $3,000 in gold nuggets… “This is probably the first time in the history of the Iditarod that the award was won by a person who didn’t even know they were in first,” said Bruce Lee, the Yukon Quest champion, former Iditarod musher…"

Considerin' Jonrowe almost lost her team on the second day of racin', that's quite a feat.

More on the real heroes of the race:

Bear - Lead            Shy Girl - Lead
for Paul Gebhardt     for Melissa Owens

Monty - Lead               Babe - Lead
for Anne Capistrant        for Ramey Smyth

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posted by Harrison at 9:55 PM


Tuesday, March 04, 2008

On the Art of Wakin' Humans

AHM and me were readin' a story the other day 'bout a coupla' guys who decided to figure out how to wake up a sleepin' penguin. Why you'd wanna' wake up a sleepin' penguin is beyond me, until ya' consider the guys involved are Frenchies from the l'Université de Picardie Jules Verne. (Talk about a university whose endowments are waaay too big.) Anyway, these two schlepped off to the Antarctic and tiptoed 'round a bunch of sleepin' King penguins. Apparently ya' can do your version of Happy Feet up and down their backs without a whole lotta' response, but don't step on their foot! Next time I take walkies through the Antarctic I'll bear that in mind.

The real investigative news everyone's missed is the study I've made on how to wake a sleepin' human.

We all have our methods. Aunt Haley said she tried whinin' 'til AHM rolled over and yelled at her to shut up, complete with a blast of human mornin' breath. Whew! She doesn't recommend tryin' that again. Come to think of it, that's probably why she took to sleepin' down in the wicker dog bed.

When Silly Human Female was around, Great Granddam Bitch came up with the best way to wake a human—she literally shoved SHF out of bed. Considerin' the weight differential that was quite a feat but it sure did the trick. Everyone woke up—includin' AHM who showed up brandishin' a fireplace poker 'cause she thought there were burglars. Accordin' to GGB, the embarrassment factor was an added bonus.

AHM: (To SHF) Did you fall out of bed?
SHF: (As she tried to shove GGB to the other side of the bed) No!
AHM: (Eying GGB who was playin' dead-dog-grinnin'.) She kicked you out of bed, didn't she?
AHM: (Exit, laughin' hysterically.)

None of us thought of tryin' that with AHM, 'specially after she told us 'bout a visit she made to a friend who lived with a really weird fe-lyin'. This furball liked to wake up humans by sailin' straight up from the floor and landin' on their heads. 'Course said fe-lyin' learned the error of its ways when it found itself sailin' through the air playin' pinball with the bedroom walls.

Our problem: AHM has an alarm clock that she cranks up to the highest level. I mean that thing could blast the hide of a chew bone! And it sure as hell is not somethin' ya' wanna' hear at six a.m. when you're dreamin' of beatin' up on that mouthy dalmation across the street. First time I heard it I almost ended up hangin' from the ceilin' fan. There were no two ways about it—a Plan had to be Developed. And since I'm the one usually sleepin' on the bed, it was my job as The Alpha Dog to Handle It.

First I had to wake up before the alarm went off. Considerin' my eardrums were still drummin' from its effects that wasn't tough to manage. Then I tried politeness. I sat up and patted her shoulder until she woke up. That worked for a while until my timin' got screwed up and the alarm blasted off—along with the rest of the pack who told me off in no uncertain terms while peelin' themselves off various parts of the bedroom furnishings. At least all the barkin' got AHM to shut off the damn bell.

So, I decided add some dog claws to the mix. That was okay in the winter when you're dealin' with flannel jammies. Not so good in the summer when there was—ah—well, nothin' but human skin.

[Scratched human skin, thank you very much!~AHM]

Okay, okay. I still had to come up with The Solution. I patted, poked, prodded, and pulled down the covers. (I don't recommend that last bit unless you're prepared to do a few back flips down the mattress when said covers get yanked back up.) They all worked temporarily—but eventually AHM would just ignore 'em which meant I was gettin' it from the rest of the pack whenever the alarm won the mornin' race. Drastic action was called for.

Now no matter how completely AHM tried hide under the covers—and she had it down to an art form—there was always one part of her anatomy I could find. One mornin' I snuffled and sniffed 'til I had a noseful of snot, leaned over, and, with my nose good 'n wet, snorted as hard as I could…

…in her ear.

The results were instantaneous.

For one nanosecond, pillow, sheets, blankets, AHM and me were all suspended six inches off the mattress.

We decided the alarm bell was better than all that shriekin'.

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posted by Harrison at 10:47 PM


Sunday, March 02, 2008

March Madness

Nah, I'm not talkin' 'bout a bunch of stilt-legged guys in short shorts. This is real madness.

Yesterday at 10 a.m. in Anchorage was the ceremonial start of the 2008 Iditarod®. Today, at 2 p.m. in Willow, 95 mushers—men and women alike—and over 1500 dogs and bitches began the 1200 mile quest in earnest. Here are a few of those who are leadin' the way:

  Lead dog for Heather Siirtola

                                           Lead dog for Martin Buser

       Lead dog for Zoya Denure and a rescue dog made good.

                                             Dasher (female)
                                             Leader running for Karen Ramstead

  Lead dog for Matt Hayashida

Read the rest

posted by Harrison at 11:15 PM