Name:Harrison Location:United States

The Original Lovable Little Fuzzball

Here's the straight stuff.

The adventures of Harrison are true.
Try a few of his Crunchy Bites for a taste.
--Alpha Human Mom

Friday, June 04, 2004

The Straight Stuff

We're totally straight up in the canine universe. (And we guys can keep it up for 45 minutes!) There's us and there's everyone who's not us. Cats are not us. As Jonah Goldberg points out, "…they will eat their own owners if they get hungry enough, after all." They'll live under your roof, eat your food, demand your attention, then claw your butt to ribbons as soon as they get the chance. Not buying that? Then check out this picture. (Warning: this link is not office friendly!)

Canines are small-d democrats. Fe-lyings are anarchists. We choose our pack leaders--our Alphas, human or dog--and give quality service in return. Fe-lyings are the Jessica Simpsons of the animal world, getting by on their cuteness; playing the "dumb as a post" game while using their cuddly, fuzzy bodies for gain--the ultimate welfare pimps who take, take, take without giving. (Admit it--who ever heard of a Guard Cat?)

We know shit when we smell it. (Yeah, I know some of our brain-impaired brethren eat it and roll in it. Can't explain it and won't try. I raised my pups better than that!) Canines know right up front which human is worth listening to and it's not always the ones giving us treats and ear-scratches. We want respect. We want dignity. We want to be acknowledged as the intelligent, discriminating beings that we are. Refuse us and we'll whizz on your shoes.

Political correctness is not in our vocabulary. You smell bad? Cover your balls, 'cause we're comin' for you.

posted by Harrison at 9:56 PM


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