Name:Harrison Location:United States

The Original Lovable Little Fuzzball

Here's the straight stuff.

The adventures of Harrison are true.
Try a few of his Crunchy Bites for a taste.
--Alpha Human Mom

Sunday, July 18, 2004

Lawn and Garden Advice

Since Martha Stewart is out of commission for a few months, I thought I'd pick up the slack to ease the transition.

Today was lawn-mowing day. Not our favorite activity but if AHM didn't push the effin' machine around from time to time we'd all get lost in the tall grass. Little Girl really hates it--barks like mad and tries to attack the mower. She comes from a broken home and is a few scoops short of a full bag of dog food, if you get my meaning.

As I mentioned a couple of posts ago, we're entertaining. For the past few days Miss Garbo has been with us while her humans are on vacation. (We're just good friends, okay?--so you National Enquirer people can stop calling.) Garbo is one gorgeous bitch--elegant, snowy white (when she arrives, that is) with refined features and a plumey tail. She can be eccentric, though, like her namesake. (Speaking of being a few scoops short…)

Lawn-mowing is a noisy, smelly, but generally uneventful activity--if you ignore Little Girl, that is. Except for today. So--because of today--here's the first two of my lawn and garden tips:

Tip #1 for AHM: scoop before you mow so the supervisory crew doesn't get smacked in the kisser with mower-chopped pieces of petrified dog poop.

Tip #2 for Miss Garbo: those pieces are not the newest taste sensation from Kibbles'n Bits®. Neither are they being thrown up so you can leap about like a demented kangaroo, snapping them from mid air and landing squarely on yours truly. That does not endear you to me, no matter how sexy you are. Do it again and I guarantee you will go home with a few less plumes in your tail. Got it?

Next time: a discussion of weeding and mulching--dog style.

posted by Harrison at 10:50 PM


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