Name:Harrison Location:United States

The Original Lovable Little Fuzzball

Here's the straight stuff.

The adventures of Harrison are true.
Try a few of his Crunchy Bites for a taste.
--Alpha Human Mom

Friday, January 07, 2005

Memos to Self

Memo to self #1: find out if they make canine aspirin.

What a headache I have. Oh, not from a hangover. (You think Alpha Human Mom would give us liquor? Are you nuts?) No, this headache was incurred in the line of duty. So where's my purple heart already?

It's been so warm these days AHM has been leavin' the windows and doors open. Now when she does that, Little Girl likes to shove open the screen door and it doesn't always close. Around here open door equals uninvited guests--anything from birds to frogs to bats. (Yeah, you read that right.)

This time, though, it was a mouse. A dumb mouse.

There we were--relaxin' and watching some silly show on TV. We were dozin' (since we can't see the picture real well) and makin' comments in appropriate places--like doorbells ringin', dogs barkin', fe-lyings yowlin', that sort of stuff--when I looked up from my chair to see a mouse tiptoein' across the room. Really. A tiptoein' mouse. It wasn't scurryin' like mice do--it was up on its little toes takin' one careful step at a time. Smart move when you're tryin' to navigate a roomful of terriers! Stupid move to come into the room to start with, but, hey, fe-lyings catch 'em all the time, so how smart can mice be anyway?

It was fascinatin' to watch it. I looked over at AHM who was watchin'. AHM glanced at me with that "do something" frown. We looked down at the kids who were sprawled in a pile. No one moved--except the mouse who kept right on tiptoein' along the hearth. Frankly I might have let 'em go, figgerin' it would wander out on its own. Mouse would have made it too--if it hadn't sneezed.

It was a very tiny sneeze, but a sneeze it definitely was. The mouse bounced with the effort--all four feet off the ground. And Hem heard it. Then he saw it. Unfortunately he was lyin' on his back at the time and saw it upside down. We're fast, but startin' with a disadvantage like that, you're not out of the blocks real quick.

Hem flipped over and lunged toward the mouse. I launched from the chair which got everyone else up and racing behind us, even though I doubt they had a clue just what we were after. The mouse chose speed over stealth (which was pretty much gone with the sneeze anyway), shot out of the studio, down the hall, and into the living room.

Now if you know anything about mouse-chasin' you'll know mice never take the quickest way across a room, i.e. the open space in the middle. They know we'll be on 'em in a New York minute in the open field. So, mouse enters living room and executes a sharp right to run around the edges. We figure we'll trap it under the desk in the corner and followed right after.

Memo to self #2: stupidest mouse can make right turn on hardwood floors a lot faster than dogs with claws…

By the time we untangled, the mouse had done a loop-de-loop around the circular coffee table, navigated its way under the corner desk, and was makin' a break for the dining room. We were in full voice, spread out line abreast headin' through the archway--with AHM and LG as rear guard--and figured we had that little sucker cold.

Mouse made abrupt left into the kitchen.

Memo to self #3: mass of dog pack exceeds width of kitchen doorway.

One more collision and we were gonna' be fightin' each other.

I took the lead and saw the little sneak aimin' for the cabinet under the sink. The door was barely ajar but enough for a skinny little rodent to squeeze through and into the narrow gap around the drain pipe.

Memo to self #4: small mouse can get into places we can't.

That's the sort of thing you don't remember when you're in full chase mode and intent on makin' that pest pay for invadin' your space.

Memo to self #5: rag throw rugs are called "rag throw rugs" for a reason.

We created a pile up worthy of rush hour on the 405 in Los Angeles. My nose was jammed into the crack of the door or I would have taken out whichever of my pups ran up my butt. Luckily AHM was on the spot 'cause the girls started bitchin' among themselves about who let the mouse get away and needed to be sprayed down. Convenient things those sink sprayers.

Memo to AHM: Buy mouse traps!

posted by Harrison at 12:03 AM


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