Name:Harrison Location:United States

The Original Lovable Little Fuzzball

Here's the straight stuff.

The adventures of Harrison are true.
Try a few of his Crunchy Bites for a taste.
--Alpha Human Mom

Friday, December 22, 2006

Last Minute Holiday Stuff

I figured we'd be back to bloggin' before this until AHM got stuck in a job with no computer access for a couple of months. Then she said she was too tired when she got home to type up my stuff, so I was stuck. I'm hopin' we can get back to some regular writin' after the new year.

But I can't let the season pass without a couple of last minute suggestions for the perfect gift—or the perfectly weird gift, as the case may be.

F'instance… this sounds like a good idea—until ya' read the warnin' which is longer than the description.

"Doggie Driver is a uniquely designed ball launcher that throws ball up to 100 yards…

"…DO NOT SWING CLUB INTO THE GROUND. Swing like a normal golf club, with full and even follow through. The ball will fly out in the desired direction for your canine friend to retrieve. It may take several swings to get the ball to travel in desired direction."

Gee, d'ya' think?

"Make sure the dog is out of the way when swinging the driver.

Now here's where the Law of Unintended Consequenses sets in…

"The ball may travel in unanticipated directions."

Like up your Aunt Fanny's…uh...oh, ya' know…

"Always use your Doggie Driver with adult supervision."

Tiger Woods would be a good choice.

"Always supervise your dog when using this toy."

Smart dogs will long gone the minute they supervise their human pickin' up this toy.

Apparently the politically correct crowd is pushin' their "species neutral" agenda by turnin' dogs into fe-lyings with this one.

"Hide-A-Squirrel will challenge and entertain pets for hours! Designed to keep your pets occupied and eliminates boredom. It is a puzzle plush hide n' seek toy."

Hide and Eat is how a real dog handles squirrels and boredom. I'm givin' these stuffed squeakers five minutes past the second your dog sees 'em, shreds the little suckers, and you kiss your $11.99 (plus shippin' 'n handlin') goodbye.

An oldie but goodie, 'cause there's nothin' more fun than watchin' a fe-lyin' bounce off the walls…

"The Ba Da Beam Rotating Laser Cat Toy by MultiPet is an automatic laser chaser cats just love! Aim it at the wall, aim it at the floor..."

Aim it at an automatic flush toilet and you've got it made.

And last, but not least, 'cept in my opinion, in horror—er—honor of those new Demo-cats in Washington—may they all be like this:

"Realistic looking artificial breathing pet cats... A FurReal Breathing Pet Cat will just curl up on their fleecy bed and provide the peaceful reassuring presence of a living, breathing animal. OK, well, breathing, anyway. We call them Ginger, Tiger and Ebony (can you figure out which is which?) – but don't let that stop you from choosing your own name!"

How 'bout Nancy P, Hillary, and Obama ("can you figure out which is which?")

posted by Harrison at 9:09 PM


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