Kibbles 'n Bits® - Felyin' Edition

Canine Edition here.

In the interest of every member of the family beginning the new year--ah--fresh, we discovered some helpful instructions.

Not long ago we were all laughin' about Wind Rider over at Silent Running tryin' to give his felyin' Petra her first bath. Wonder if he read these directions first.

Instructions on cat grooming product, simplified for your convenience:
1. wet cat thoroughly
2. apply product and comb through cat’s wet coat.
3. keep cat from grooming for 10 minutes.
4. rinse product thoroughly off of cat.
5. dry cat to make sure (product) is completely off cat.
Actual sequence of events:
0. cat senses you’re up to no good, hides under table.
0.2 cat runs under couch.
0.4 cat resists being picked up.
0.6 cat realizes it is being brought towards the sink.
0.8 mortal komcat!
1. wet cat thoroughly
1.2 put cat back in water and get another 1% of cat wet before cat gets out again.
1.4 amazingly, cat has managed to writhe into a position where she’s holding herself away from the faucet with all four legs, her head, and her tail.
1.6 reassure kitty that everything’s okay, yank head back to avoid claw in eye.
1.8 wet cat the rest of the way.
2. apply product and comb through cat’s wet coat.
2.2 apply product with one hand while holding cat with the other
2.4 cat lunges for freedom, hides in bedroom.
2.6 find cat in box, continue grooming.
2.8 box falls to shreds, cat’s coat is fully combed through.
3. keep soaking wet cat from grooming for 10 minutes
(no, really. these people are insane.)
Continued in Read the Rest!
4. rinse product thoroughly off cat.
4.2 carry festival of whirling sharp claws back to bathroom.
4.4 put cat near stream of water.
4.6 every movable object in the bathroom falls to the floor as cat struggles in matrixesque bullet-time and attempts to propel herself through ceiling.
4.8 cat gets washed.
5. dry cat thoroughly.
5.2 chase cat around apartment with towel.
5.4 wrap cat in towel, fluff dry.
5.6 cat gets out of towel.
5.8 see 5.4
6. cat stares balefully from the top of a bookshelf.
6.2 cat stares balefully from the top of a bookshelf.
6.4 cat stares balefully from the top of a bookshelf.
6.6 cat stares balefully from the top of a bookshelf.
6.8 cat stares balefully from the top of a bookshelf.

And speakin' of Wind Rider--well, even that felyin' lover emptied the litter pan when he read about this:

Filipinos seek to boost production of coffee beans retrieved from animal droppings

The animal in question bein' the civet. Wonder if they'd still be willin' to pay $300 for their coffee if they knew some civets carry a kind of SARS virus.

posted by Harrison at 1:18 AM