Name:Harrison Location:United States

The Original Lovable Little Fuzzball

Here's the straight stuff.

The adventures of Harrison are true.
Try a few of his Crunchy Bites for a taste.
--Alpha Human Mom

Monday, September 26, 2005

Dog Day Afternoon

Grooming attack! Grooming attack!

Wait a sec… Okay, a bushin'. The brush is good. Like the brush...just not backwards up the spine. Sheesh…I'm not a chia pet, ya' know. Lose the comb, though. Lose it lady! Yeah, that got tangled durin' my last roll in the grass, what of it--ow! No, I did not roll in "somethin'." That's how I always smell…

WHAT! A BATH! But…but…it was just a mud pack--mud--honest--just mud--for my skin. Better for my skin than…water. Oh crap. Wet crap. Wet, soapy shampoo crap. No, I do not like smellin' like coconuts. I like smellin' like a frickin' dog. Shower massage? That's no shower massage. It's a weapon of mass destruction. GET. IT. OUT. OF. THERE!

Wet dogs shake. It's what we do. Get over it.

A haircut? Wha'da' I need with a haircut? I like my hair the way it is. Put down the sissors and move away from the groomin' table and no one'll get hurt. Argh! Get away from my tail with that sissors, woman! There's important things down there I'm sorta' attached to… Yeah…those are my teeth and I know how to use 'em.

What's the matter with fuzzy ears? I can hear ya' just fine--I just ignore ya', that's all. Won't do it again--promise--never--ever--hey! Knock it off! That tickles. Watch the eyeballs--I got enough trouble seein' at my age… Oh, come on--so I sneezed. It was just a little snot. That's what ya' get for trimmin' my bangs.

Aacccckkk! The feet! Forget it, lady. Nuts to that "cat-like feet" description the AKC pushes. I'm a dog. OH NO!! The clippers! No way--not the toenails… I like chewin' my nails! Nooooooo…oh, the humannnnniiiityy…

[Act like this again and I'm renaming this blog "Dead Dog Talkin'."--AHM]

[Bite me.--Harrison]

posted by Harrison at 9:47 PM


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1:45 AM  

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