Name:Harrison Location:United States

The Original Lovable Little Fuzzball

Here's the straight stuff.

The adventures of Harrison are true.
Try a few of his Crunchy Bites for a taste.
--Alpha Human Mom

Sunday, January 08, 2006

News in Black and White

Look out Vince Young. This longhorn has moves you've never even dreamed of. She jumped to freedom, flattened fences, slipped tackles by cars, SUVs, trucks, and trains, swam a half-frozen river, and couldn't even be felled by tranqualizer darts.

"Police tried to catch the [black heifer], and had her wedged between a stock trailer and a fence, but the heifer barreled through the fence toward the river, nearly being hit by a Chevrolet Suburban. It was the first of many near-death experiences.

"With the police in pursuit, the cow ran toward the railroad tracks and darted in front of an oncoming locomotive, briefly giving the police the slip again. Crossing another road, the cow was nearly struck by a semi tractor-trailer. "By then it was a madhouse," said police officer Corey Reeves. "People were coming out of the woodwork to see."

"When police, animal control officers and slaughterhouse workers surrounded the cow in a park near the Missouri River, the cow jumped into the icy water. As she swam to the west bank of the river, Reeves said she sank lower in the water and was being swept downstream. But the cow found a sandbar near the river's west bank and walked to shore. "I was totally amazed she was able to swim the river," said Del Morris, the slaughterhouse manager.

"As police scrambled to head off the cow on the other side of the river, a veterinarian with a tranquilizer gun was called. Pursuers again believed they had the cow cornered at a chain link fence, but the heifer ran through a perimeter set up by officials.

"The chase began to slow as the cow ran up against several strong fences. Dr. Jennifer Evans of Big Sky Medical Center shot the cow with a tranquilizer dart. It had little effect. Two darts later, the heifer showed no signs of going down. …[W]orkers created a makeshift pen with metal panels that led to a stock trailer. The heifer walked into the trailer at 11:45 a.m."

No word on whether this power runner will declare herself eligible for the NFL draft, but odds are she'd go higher than Michael Vick.

Alfred Hitchcock's worst nightmare--the Crow Whisperer.

"Every fall, the starlings descended on Decatur like a plague. Screeching and flapping, thousands of birds seized control of the park and dive-bombed residents, who fought back by lobbing firecrackers and blasting them with a propane cannon. Nothing worked until town officials called in [83-year-old] James Soules. …[T]he quiet man said he could beat the birds, but there was a catch: He refused to tell anyone how he would do it. He demanded complete secrecy, warning officials not to spy on him. Soules might have seemed like a swindler, but over the next few weeks something astounding happened. The starlings began to fly away. "I was amazed," said Dan Mendenall, a city official in Decatur. "It was almost like he wished them away."…

His father died in 1987, and Soules now runs the business with occasional help from his oldest son… His memory isn't as good as it once was, and he lately suffered dizzy spells. On a recent night, he fell while looking for birds. "I am too old," said Soules. He has three children, but none are interested in taking over the business. Over the years, a few people have made inquiries about buying him out. But Soules won't sell his secret to just anyone. It would have to be someone willing to work hard. "Someone who would take it over and expand it," he said.

Don't suppose they'd wanna' hire this fe-lyin' instead.

"A rabies alert was issued in an Orange County, Fla., community after a cat making a strange screaming sound attacked at least 15 people and two dogs in a neighborhood.

"Officials said an apartment tenant brought a stray black and white cat into the Cricket Club apartments and then gave it to some friends to watch at a home just north of Rio Pinar. During the stay, the cat became agitated and escaped into the neighborhood,… As it ran through the community, it bit or scratched about 15 people and several dogs,…

"The cat came up from behind us and was screaming," cat attack victim Adam Maul said. "I mean I've never heard a cat scream so loud. The cat ran out from underneath the car and bit me in my ankle."… Maul said the cat also jumped his dogs and bit them."

Geeze. That sure gives new meanin' to the expression "screamin' meemies."

posted by Harrison at 11:15 AM


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