Name:Harrison Location:United States

The Original Lovable Little Fuzzball

Here's the straight stuff.

The adventures of Harrison are true.
Try a few of his Crunchy Bites for a taste.
--Alpha Human Mom

Saturday, December 31, 2005

Kibbles 'n Bits®…

…'n Happy New Year to all. If I didn't answer some of your comments when ya' made 'em, I'm sorry. Blame AHM. I would've responded, but that opposable thumbs issue keeps rearin' it's ugly head and ya' know what it's like findin' good help…

[Epecially free help.]

Okay, okay. Anyway… This year is endin' pretty much like it began—weird.

First off, between the big ape who dies and the lion who dies and comes back to life (kinda' like his movie), everyone out in Hollywood Dog land is gaga over the tale of a couple of sheepherdin' Lassies who are really Lads in wolf's clothin'. There has to be a way to combine all three ideas and create the perfect movie script, right? Guess Whiplash is the best we can hope for, which, all things considered, is probably closer to the mark than we know…

This sounds pretty silly too...

"Ouch! Viennese city authorities are putting the bite on the Austrian capital city's new dog owners starting next week. From Jan. 1, liability insurance will be mandatory for Vienna's dog owners for pets born after that date under new city laws.

"Policies must have minimum coverage of euro725,000 (US$864,000.) They are meant to pay for legal, hospital or other costs arising from damage or injury caused by the animals. Those caught without insurance could be forced to pay fines up to euro3,500 - more than US$4,000."

…until you remember it's Austria--the country that gave us chicken panties.

'Course they might have read about this before votin'.

"A pack of angry Chihuahuas attacked a police officer who was escorting a teenager home following a traffic stop in California.

"The officer suffered minor injuries including bites to his ankle when the five Chihuahuas escaped from the 17-year-old boy’s home and rushed the officer in the doorway, said Fremont detective Bill Veteran… The officer was treated at a local hospital and returned to work less than two hours later, Veteran said."

Somehow I never thought to put the words "Chihuahuas," "attack," and "angry" in one sentence. "Yappy" and "Napoleon complex" were enough for me. Norma better watch out.

Needless to say that sort of behavior is reeeaally out of line accordin' to Elsie the Cow's Guide to Effective Leadership Skills.

"Recent studies on leadership in cows and other grazing herbivores suggest that intelligence, inquisitiveness, confidence, experience and good social skills help to determine which animals will become leaders within herds.

"The findings suggest that, at least among these animals, individuals are not necessarily "born leaders," and that bullying, selfishness, size and strength are not recognized as suitable leadership qualities."

Will you humans never stop tryin' to push your liberal touchy-feely attitudes onto us? Get a clue, people. Most of us just ignore ya'—like this dude who apparently was absent the day they held those sensitivity trainin' classes.

"A group in a small town west of Oslo wanted to set up a living nativity scene; instead, they got a wild chase because of a cow that had other ideas… The cow…spotted a chance to run -- and did. There's a lot of power in a good cow,…"

Now there's words to live by. Ya' gotta' watch those sneaky cows every minute or
pay the price.

In the good new/bad news category, the bad news is, squirrel terrorists strike when least expected. The good news is, help is on the way.

"Pop’s Bait Shop (Lawrenceburg, Tenn.) and the Tennessee Wildlife Resources Agency are sponsoring a Youth Squirrel Hunt on January 21, 2006. The hunt will be conducted using squirrel dogs…"

With photo goodness of The Hammer, Jack Hammer, and Sledge Hammer and their 17 dead squirrels. Eat your heart out, Cosmo.

Would someone tell me why the Japanese (who, btw, collaborated on that chicken panties fashion debacle) insist on makin' robots outta' everythin'? Ya' think they woulda' learned from that little incident with Godzilla and Megatron…

"This is no ordinary under-the-refrigerator type bug. This roach has been surgically implanted with a micro-robotic backpack that allows researchers to control its movements. This is Robo-roach.

"Unfortunately spammers are emailing the roaches when they broadcast to cell phones. "We had an incident last week where we sent a roach into an duct to test for an air leak, when we asked the roach to turn right, it responded by asking for our email addresses and offered to send us viagra in return."

Yeah—just what the world needs—roaches on viagra.

Last, but not least, for those of you canines who got Greenies in your Christmas stockin', well, be careful and chew responsibly!

"It is the nation's top-selling dog treat, with $315 million in domestic retail sales last year. It is so beloved by dogs that amused owners have a nickname for it - doggie crack…

The results, outlined in a multi-authored article soon to be submitted to the Journal of the American Veterinary Medical Association, found that, after bones and fish hooks, compressed vegetable chew treats were the third-most-common culprit in obstructions. McKiernan notes that the cases mostly involved small dogs."

Personally I was holdin' out for Cannabiscuits. Then the year would have made sense…

posted by Harrison at 4:27 PM


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