Name:Harrison Location:United States

The Original Lovable Little Fuzzball

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--Alpha Human Mom

Thursday, August 26, 2004

Kerry Panders for Canine Vote

Well, this is just sick--a Demo-cat tryin' to bark with the big dogs. Bad cat, Kerry! Bad, bad cat. This is a mess of unclumping kerry--er--kitty litter if I ever heard it.

"A new four-legged angle -- actually a dog named "VC" -- has suddenly materialized surrounding Sen. John Kerry's swift boat service in Vietnam. In a 2004 presidential candidate questionnaire for Humane USA, Mr. Kerry was asked whether any pets have had an impact on his life."

I'd sure like a chance to make an impact on his pants leg. Might even leave a little present on his fancy footwear too.

"I have always had pets in my life, and there are a few that I remember very fondly," Mr. Kerry replied.

Yeah--we know all about the hamster, Mr. Kerry. I'll bet you're reeeeal fond of him, aren't ya'?

"When I was serving on a Swift Boat in Vietnam, my crewmates and I had a dog we called VC. One day as our Swift Boat was heading up a river, a mine exploded hard under our boat," he continued. "After picking ourselves up, we discovered VC was MIA (missing in action). Several minutes of frantic search followed, after which we thought we'd lost him."

Anyone else notice how people 'n other living creatures seem to end up fallin' overboard whenever Kerry's around? Maybe someone should ask the man about Jimmy Hoffa. Hell, maybe Jimmy Hoffa served on a swift boat with Kerry and got left behind one Christmas in Cambodia.

"We were relieved when another boat called asking if we were missing a dog." Said Mr. Kerry: "It turns out VC was catapulted from the deck of our boat and landed, confused but unhurt, on the deck of another boat in our patrol."

J.J. Scheele, program director of Humane USA, confirmed yesterday that her organization did, in fact, receive the above statement from the Kerry campaign.

So I guess Kerry's motto is now "no dog left behind?"

"No military records on Mr. Kerry's Web site, which aides say is a complete accounting, mention a mine exploding under his boat or any dog. The only report of a mine detonating "near" Mr. Kerry's PCF 94 was March 13, 1969, when Mr. Kerry says he was injured and a man knocked overboard."

Hugh Hewitt talked with Steve Gardner about this the other day. (Scroll down. Gardner's one of the Swifties who really was in the same boat as Kerry for a few months, so he should know about this stuff.)

HH: "Steve, was there a dog named VC on your boat?"
SG: ""Buddy, to the best of my knowledge (laughing), I never saw any dog at any time on the 44 boat."
HH: "Is it possible that it was on the other boat."
SG: "Oh, a distinct possibility (laughing)."
HH: "In the time that you were on the swift boats --totally-- did any of the swift boats have a dog?"
SG: "Never saw one, ever."
HH: "Would it have been a good idea to have a dog on the swift boats?"
SG: "Not likely."
HH: "Why not?"
SG: "Because there was just too much action going on. We had hot brass rolling around there any time we were in a firefight. He would have got beat up."
HH: "Is this the first time you have ever heard of the dog story?"
SG: "It sure is."

Uh huh. Another "dog-that-didn't-bark" story from a Demo-cat's yap.

"Look. It is possible that Kerry had a dog named VC after Gardner left Kerry's command. And it is possible that VC the combat dog got blown off the boat when the boat hit a mine --even though there's no reference to the mine that would fit the occasion. And just because many of my listeners have e-mailed me to note that there was a dog on Martin Sheen's boat in Apocalypse Now doesn't mean that Kerry "borrowed" the dog from the movie."

Life imitates art, eh? You wish. Stick to the hamster, Mr. Kerry Litter.

posted by Harrison at 11:11 PM


Blogger Sherry said...

oh my that is just sad, That man will sink to anything to make himself sound human. I guess it's a safer story though since doubtfully any dogs against Kerry groups will step forward and write a book. ;) btw as someone who lives with a yorkie myself I love your blog

12:42 AM  
Blogger Harrison said...

Thanks Sherry. It does appear Kerry will use anything to sway voters. 'Course you do notice he's not tryin' to use "cats" to make his point.

You have a Yorkie? (I'm an Australian Terrier, btw, not a Yorkie.) If you haven't already, you should go visit the Grouchy Old Yorkie Lady at the Yorkie Blog. She's great!

1:16 PM  
Blogger Brendan said...

Making up a story about a dog on a boat is somehow worse than misleading an entire nation and sending them to war without reason? Or the numerous other incredulous blunders Bush has made as president? Just asking.

1:28 PM  
Blogger Harrison said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

8:51 PM  
Blogger Harrison said...

Well, Vinyl (you don't mind me callin' you Vinyl, do you?) I see you were just a pup back in '98 when everyone was talkin' about how much of a threat Saddam and Iraq and WMD's were, and Clinton was sendin' Cruise missiles into Iraq as a warning. I was too, but canine brains mature a lot faster than you humans. You weren't listenin' or understandin' much of anything then, so it's not your fault you don't know. 'Course it is your fault for not findin' out before believin' everything you read in the papers. (I only get 'em to housebreak my pups.)

Here's a list of stuff from the official Congressional Record in '98, so you can't say it's biased. In terms of blunders, you should list the ones you're referrin' to if you want to criticize. I'll just say you should check out the "blunders" from 1993 through 2000 that led directly to the Sept. 11 attacks.

That's not the issue, though. What Kerry said was bad 'cause it's just plain stupid. And silly. Unnecessary and easy to disprove. It shows he's deliberately tryin' to fool the voters and pretty much thinks we're idiots who'll believe him. (Did ya' know there was even a survey somewhere that said Republicans were more likely to own dogs and Democrats generally owned cats?)

See, Kerry is tryin' to make everything in his campaign fit into his four months in Vietnam and make himself out to be a down-home good ole' boy. It really is soundin' an awful lot like that movie with the Sheen guy. You know Kerry could have picked another pet--I think he used to have a Golden Retriever or Lab or somethin' like that. Hell, he could have even had a cat for all I know. But to choose that kind of story?--that's insultin' our intelligence.

10:42 PM  

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