USS Killer Rabbit

Our newest attack submarine!



Huh? No? Oh. Okay, okay… The new sub is really the USS Jimmy Carter, named in honor of the president who personally beat back a terrorist threat within our own borders.

"The Navy will commission its newest nuclear-powered attack submarine Jimmy Carter Feb. 19, during an 11 a.m. EST ceremony at Naval Submarine Base New London, Groton, Conn. The attack submarine Jimmy Carter honors the 39th president of the United States.

"President Carter is the only U.S. president to have qualified in submarines. He has distinguished himself by a lifetime of public service, and has long ties to the Navy and the submarine force. Carter graduated from the U.S. Naval Academy in 1946, served as a commissioned officer aboard submarines, and served as commander-in-chief from 1977 to 1981."

For all you pups out there who haven't got a clue what I'm talkin' about (and I'm sure there are plenty of you) herein lies the hare--er--tale.

"The rabbit incident happened on April 20 [1979] while Carter was taking a few days off in Plains, Georgia. He was fishing from a canoe in a pond when he spotted the fateful rabbit swimming toward him. It was never precisely determined what the rabbit's problem was. Carter, always trying to look at things from the other guy's point of view, later speculated that it was fleeing a predator. Whatever the case, it was definitely a troubled rabbit. "It was hissing menacingly, its teeth flashing and nostrils flared and making straight for the president," a press account said."

Things bein' what they were about then, I'm surprised they didn't start that last sentence with "a Reagan campaign worker…"

"The Secret Service having been caught flatfooted--I'll grant you an amphibious rabbit assault is a tough thing to defend against--the president did what he could to protect himself. Initially it was reported that he had hit the rabbit with his paddle. Realizing this would not play well with the Rabbit Lovers Guild, Carter later clarified that he had merely splashed water at the rabbit, which then swam off toward shore. A White House photographer, ever alert to history's pivotal moments, snapped a picture of the encounter for posterity."

And that picture, courtsey of the Jimmy Carter Library, can be seen here. (Scroll down for large picture.) You can also read the alternative history of the incident as related by Carter's press secretary Jody Powell--who was the one who created the whole flap in the first place. As The Straight Dope explains:

"OK, not one of the shining moments of Carter's career, but so far not a major train wreck, inasmuch as nobody outside the White House knew anything about it. Jody Powell took care of that problem the following August when he told the rabbit story to Associated Press reporter Brooks Jackson over a cup of tea.

"Powell ought to have known that you cannot tell anything to reporters in August because there is nothing else to write about and they will make any fool thing into a front page scandal. Which is exactly what happened. The Washington Post put the bunny story on page one complete with a cartoon takeoff of the famous "Jaws" movie poster entitled "Paws."…

"Carter's subsequent drubbing at the polls was a foregone conclusion, hostage crisis or not. Lesson for life #1: if it moves, kill it. Lesson for life #2: if you can't kill it, for God's sake don't talk about it to the Associated Press."

That's pretty much my rabbit policy. And my fe-lyin' policy and my gopher policy and my squirrel policy and my…oh, you get the idea.

posted by Harrison at 6:17 PM