Name:Harrison Location:United States

The Original Lovable Little Fuzzball

Here's the straight stuff.

The adventures of Harrison are true.
Try a few of his Crunchy Bites for a taste.
--Alpha Human Mom

Sunday, March 30, 2008

To Sleep, Perchance to Dream…

…of tear gas spray, robotic arms, and projectile weaponry?

It's not often ya' find a bed that could be grounds for a Second Amendment case.

AHM and me spent a long time pawin' through this website tryin' to figure out how paranoid ya'd have to be to spend (presumably) a gazillion dollars on one queen size bed.

"The basic Quantum Sleeper unit consists of an aluminum bed frame and […] bullet proof polycarbonate barrier…designed to stop bullet penetration, blows from impact, forced entry and provide a sealed temporary safe room and environment from burglars, terrorist or harmful gasses and also provide protection from the destructive forces of tornados, hurricanes, earthquakes and floods. The unit can also be fitted with defensive devices customized to the requests of the purchasers such as tear gas spray, robotic arms, or projectile weaponry."

Wow. Those guys thought of everythin'.

Well…not really.

The makers claim "The rebreather system is also useful as the ultimate protection (safe room) from weapons of mass destruction that may be used during biological warfare, chemical warfare, bio-chemical attack or other type gas attack that could release an unknown or new form of hazardous gas. […] This system will provide a breathable atmosphere for up to 3 days."

All well 'n good 'till ya' dig around the Installation instructions.

"Unit must have access to house outlet jack (110V) to supply power to the Quantum Sleeper Unit and may be run separately through the floor directly to the unit."

Oooookay. Now let's all think reeeeeal hard. What happens when a tornado, hurricane, earthquake, flood or wildfire occurs? Can you say power outage?

But, you say, they did consider that problem…sort of.

"There are doors on either side of the unit next to the headboard that have an emergency release button that when pressed will cause the doors to pop open in case of mechanical failure or loss of power to the operating systems."

Sounds great—unless, of course, you're tryin' to protect yourself from those pesky weapons of mass destruction which probably will have caused a power outage—among other things.

Oh, and there's one more little necessity we couldn't find, 'specially if you're gonna' do the the hide-for-3-days thingy. AHM even enlarged the diagram 400% and it was still missin'.

If you find it, let me know where they hid it, 'kay?

posted by Harrison at 12:15 AM


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