Cats Still Cannot Be Trusted

Once again canines are doin' the heavy work in the war on terror…

"Fearless German Shepherds are being trained to jump from aircraft at 25,000ft wearing their own oxygen masks and strapped to special forces assault teams. Once down in hostile terrain in Iraq or Afghanistan, the dogs will be sent in first to seek out insurgents’ hideouts with tiny cameras fixed to their heads. The cameras will beam live TV pictures back to the troops, warning of ambushes or showing enemy leaders’ locations. […] The dogs will be used in a highly-skilled technique called High Altitude High Opening, jumping as much as 20 miles from their targets and gliding towards them for up to 30 minutes."


"Dogs were first trained to parachute in the Second World War by the British on rescue missions. But they have never jumped from high altitude, the best way for small groups of men to get behind enemy lines undetected. The dogs have big advantages over soldiers in that they arouse less suspicion approaching targets, can squeeze into tighter spaces and can sniff out booby-trap explosives."

A caption at the K-9 History site asks "What does a dog yell when 'jumping?'" I'm not sure what those guys are yellin', but if it was me, it would be "Look out below!" 'cause I'd be dumpin' a load outta' sheer terror.

…while fe-lyings are wastin' the time of our all-important first-responders.

"Curiosity didn't kill Ralph the cat, but it did get the feline stuck in a tight situation Sunday. Two men arrived at Vancouver [Canada] Fire Station 85 on Sunday with a cat whose head was trapped in a Mason jar. Firefighters said the men came home from a weekend camping trip to find their cat…stuck in the jar."

Workin' dogs…

"A transatlantic flight from Atlanta to Paris was diverted to Gander, [Newfoundland] after police were notified on Sunday night of a bomb threat. All passengers and crew were evacuated while the RCMP conducted a search, [using] a bomb-detection police dog."

…versus Dipity, the Code Pink pussy.

"An Edmonton pet store is chipping in $700 as a reward to help [Kelley Abercrombie] find her missing cat, [Dipity] which was last seen wearing a pink dress and an ID collar. […] Abercrombie said the kitty, which loves car rides, had squeezed out of her car through a window, while she was in the coffee shop for a business meeting. She explained that Dipity—who's been known to dash from the car—was wearing a pink dress at the time because it makes it easier to spot the grey cat against asphalt. A witness told Abercrombie that a blonde, petite woman between 17 and 21 years old scooped the cat up, remarked that a feline shouldn't be wearing a dress, and said she would take the animal to a relative's farm."

Dipity is probably headin' for the border to claim asylum in the U.S.—sans pink dress. Tell ya' what—we'll send him back if Canada agrees to keep our military deserters.

posted by Harrison at 11:30 PM