Chew 'Em If Ya' Got 'Em

Tomorrow all you supposedly superior human animals will be rushin' outside to build a fire and burn some meat, then sit around watchin' other humans blow up stuff to create a bunch of loud, sparkly night lights. Can't say I’m crazy 'bout the explodin' lights business, but anytime people haul piles of raw meat—or, in our case, a coupla' slabs of ribs—outside, there's always a chance gravity will win a few.

Then, while pawin' through the web this evenin', I dug up some interestin' state rankings. First is the annual fat state contest, won this year by Mississppi. Runners up are West Virginia, Alabama, Louisana, South Carolina, Tennessee, Kentucky, Oklahoma/Arkansas (tied), and Michigan.

Now I suppose it shouldn't be a surprise that the South is so, er, heavily represented considerin' they deep fry their Thanksgivin' turkeys. Then again, I'm wonderin' how they got to be such fatties when ya' check out this graph: state rankings by percentage of citizens who have no teeth! The winners all have a familiar scent. West Virginia, Kentucky, Tennessee, Alabama, Louisiana, Oklahoma, Mississippi, North Carolina, Georgia, and Kansas (Kansas?).

Guess they're all channelin' Elmer Gantry: "And, when I'm old and gray and toothless…I'll gum it till I go to heaven…"

Sounds like a plan.

posted by Harrison at 11:45 PM