From the Litter Pan

Apparently the Mutt is lookin' for a new church—at least until someone starts one centerin' on him. Here's a suggestion:

Tarvu—creator of Universe A and Universe B (we live in Universe B)—came to Earth over 3,000 years ago as a tiny baby boy. After landing in the oceans, and swimming with Oobu the holy octapus, Tarvu came ashore and lived amongst men and women so that he could teach them "to live". Soon his Word spread, and that Word became Tarvuism

It's easy to join. Just say the Tarvu prayer.

Tarvu tarvooti,
Oboonoo cTooti,
Mimmin O'tibbi noonah,
Mdfitty fitty noonah,
Arvu immentiBarvu,
Tarvu.

Someone's havin' a whole lotta' fun with this.

Here's two words I never thought I'd join together parrot sex.

Horrified Jackie Lucking woke to find her parrot bonking her feather hat — while she was wearing it! Her pet Shrek flew into a lust-filled frenzy after swallowing nine SlimNSexy diet pills, which also boost sex drive. …Jackie… had nodded off wearing the hat after a christening. She said: “He turned into a maniac. All he wanted was to get his wing over, it’s disgusting.”

Only The Sun could use the verb "bonking" with a straight face.

Speakin' of parrot sex—there'll be some hot times in the ole' White House come January.

President-Elect Barack Obama's transition team is reported to be deeply divided over whether to offer a post to Monica Lewinsky, the former White House Intern whose intimate relationship with President Bill Clinton led to his impeachment.

Until now, Lewinsky was one of the few high-profile figures from the Clinton Presidency who had not been recruited for the incoming Obama team. Mr. Clinton's brother Roger is another, though on Friday there were rumors he would be named ambassador to Spain.

The gangs all there. I'm startin' to think the rest of us should be somewhere else.

However, this former Demo-cat hasn't been tapped by the Mutt's administration--yet.

[Former U.S. Rep. Gary] Condit once was a rising political star who was elected to Congress in 1989. But he lost his seat amid reports that he had had an affair with [Chandra} Levy, the daughter of one of Condit's constituents.

Several publications speculated that he had played a role in her [2001] disappearance. That suggestion was unfounded, though Levy's murder—her remains were eventually found in Washington's Rock Creek Park—has never officially been solved… [snip]

After his House defeat [in 2002], the Condit family moved to Scottsdale, Ariz. They attempted various business ventures before buying the two Baskin-Robbins' franchises in nearby Glendale for $65,000 each in February 2006.

They both failed in less than a year. Sign him up for Asst. Treasury Secretary!

And finally, you know any comment on this story is gonna' be called "racist."

A new plague which jumps from rats to humans has been discovered by scientists. …[snip] Professor Change [sic] said the results raised concerns about the existence of a 21st century plague. 'This certainly warrants further investigation,' he said. The Black Death was one of the deadliest pandemics in human history, widely thought to have been caused by a bacterium named Yersinia pestis, or Bubonic plague. It was spread by rodents in the 14th century and centuries after that, killing an estimated 75 million people worldwide.

The good professor's name is actually Chao-Chin Chan not Change. Guess the writer's mind was wanderin'…

posted by Harrison at 8:23 AM