Finally!

A human who gets it.!

"If you want to know who's going to emerge victorious [in November], all you really need to do is find out how many people have cats living with them and how many have dogs. The cat people, I have decided, will go overwhelmingly for Kerry; the dog lovers will do the same for Bush.

"It isn't simply that women, who often prefer felines to canines, tend to vote Democratic. It really goes to the nature of the animals.

A truly superior woman like Alpha Human Mom (who has to be superior to even be AHM) will always prefer canines to fe-lyings. Silly Human Female only pretends to be a dog person, but is really an undercover cat person. She actually admits to voting for Jimmy Carter!

"Cats are finicky. Which is just a Madison Avenue euphemism for being snooty, snobbish and stand-offish. Dogs are honest, friendly and loyal. Just looking at them makes people feel good.

Like I said before we're totally straight up in the canine universe. (Yeah, I said this before too, but you can't hear it too many times…we guys can keep it up for 45 minutes!) There's us and there's everyone who's not us. Cats are not us.

"Cats speak French. Or are you going to insist that "meow" doesn't sound like something nasty a Parisian would say behind your back? Dogs speak English, and they're plain spoken.

Damn! How did he find out? I thought I kept pretty quiet--only let out a "yes" or "no" when it was really important. And as far as the French go, someday I'll tell people my experience with that cute little French poodle I met at a show. [Nothing happened. He just likes to brag. --AHM]

"A dog, if he were a human neighbor, would be the kind of guy who'd come over and fix your plumbing. A cat, if he were your next door neighbor, would borrow your lawn mower, and not only would he not return it, but would try to sell the thing at his next garage sale.

Welfare pimps…

"Even politicians who disagree with his policies all seem to like President Bush.

Canines know which humans to listen to. Fe-lyings are too busy grooming themselves to hear anything but a can opener. Hell, maybe that's why so many of them are super-fat! Arrragh! Maybe that's the reason AHM calls Demo-cats "Fat Cats!"

"In fact, the only apparent difference I can distinguish between Kerry and a cat is the latter's ability to clean itself with its tongue. But, I'm taking nothing for granted. For the next few months, I'm definitely keeping my eye peeled for hairballs."

So should this be retitled "Kerry Zen?"

posted by Harrison at 1:03 AM