Name:Harrison Location:United States

The Original Lovable Little Fuzzball

Here's the straight stuff.

The adventures of Harrison are true.
Try a few of his Crunchy Bites for a taste.
--Alpha Human Mom

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

Channel Surfing

Cosmo at NRO's The Corner dug up this story:

"Psychic dogs smell Bush victory

"Psychic dogs belonging to actor Sylvester Stallone's mother have projected President George Bush the winner in November, the Los Angeles Times said Monday. The paper said the dogs foresee the president will beat Democratic challenger John Kerry by 15 percent…

"Jackie Stallone has said her dogs channel messages from the spirit world and send them to her telepathically.

Now I'm not gonna' say anything bad about Sylvester Stallone's mother (well--would you?) but there does seem to be a bit of static on those channels. And it says a lot about the Los Angeles Times for printing the story. Does it count as their token "pro-Bush" story of the week or somethin'?

Then again, this psychic, channel the dog--or fe-lying for that matter (although why you'd want to I haven't a clue)--business is, well, big business. Can't figure why AHM hasn't cashed in on it yet. Guess it's too hard to channel anything when you're laughin' that much.

"A couple of weeks ago, my cat Fritz began talking to me. After a lifetime of silence, his comments were surprisingly ordinary: among other things, he mentioned that he’s not very fond of the kibble he eats on a regular basis and would prefer to be on a more nutritious diet. He also said that he would appreciate it if I got him a better scratching post, one that he could really stretch out his back on."

Doesn't that just figure? The idiot fe-lyin' gets the chance to share his deepest thoughts and what does he do--starts demandin' things. Typical welfare pussy. Bet his human votes Demo-CAT.

"For $100 an hour, [animal communicator Maleah] Jacobs will "check in" with a pet to see how it's feeling, what it's thinking about, and help it work through any special behavioral issues it might be dealing with--all over the phone.

Feelin'? Thinkin' about? Special behavioral issues? Get a life, lady. I'm horny, hungry, or sleepin', and if you call me on the phone during two out of three of those, you will definitely pick up an XXX-rated channel! Oh, and I charged $300 for 30 minutes, pups guaranteed.

"The popularity of Animal Planet’s “The Pet Psychic,” starring Sonya Fitzpatrick, which debuted in 2002, is just the tip of the iceberg. A quick Google search turns up a bevy of Web sites offering psychic phone consultations for animals and their owners. Got a passive aggressive Pekinese who won’t stop going to the bathroom on the living-room rug? How about an angry parrot that screeches obscenities at every guest who enters the house? Or what about a crazed retriever that attacks fellow canines at the dog park? Maybe a chat with a pet psychic will do the trick…"

Diaper the Peke, cover the parrot, and muzzle the retriever. That will be $300 please. Oh, and pay more attention to your pet! (That's free.)

"Like most pet psychics, Jacobs makes very few house calls. Instead, these telepathic consultations usually take place with Jacobs lying on her bed at home where she says she can work better. "When I'm alone on the phone, I'm much more centered and grounded and can get the information clearer and quicker."

Well--finally something I agree with. My "consultations" always took place lyin' on the bed at home, too. I got really centered and grounded, but I took my time so my clients got their money's worth.

Hey Ms. Jacobs! I can channel William Shakespeare. "Lord, what fools these mortals be!"

posted by Harrison at 11:47 PM


Blogger Alex said...

At those rates, we're all in the wrong line of work!

12:07 AM  
Blogger Alex said...

At those rates, we're all in the wrong line of work!

12:10 AM  

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