Name:Harrison Location:United States

The Original Lovable Little Fuzzball

Here's the straight stuff.

The adventures of Harrison are true.
Try a few of his Crunchy Bites for a taste.
--Alpha Human Mom

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

Krazy (Demo) Kats*

Well, I guess it's some sort of fame to be sneered at by the Big Puppy Blender Blogger himself.

"But all fun aside, I think there are some important lessons for Big Media -- and for everyone else -- in the rise of the blogosphere. They stem from the fact that bloggers operate on the Internet, where arguments from authority are difficult since nobody knows whether you're a dog."

Just for the record--I admit I'm a dog. Better than being a fe-lyin', that's for sure.

Yeah, I know you're all wonderin' what I could know about forgery. I know a lot, actually, after listening to AHM yell at those two lit up screens for the past couple of days. Well, not about a typing forgery, of course, since I can't type. (I'm am a dog. D'uh.) But I do know a lot about the twisted minds and attitudes that lead to tryin' to forge something.

If you want all the technical stuff about how those Bush memos couldn't be real, go here for an exhaustive explanation. (And I do mean exhaustive--I think I saw AHM's eyes cross about halfway through.) If you want a little insight into how far people will go to win, read on.

My regular readers know I spent most of my life (except for the last couple of years) in show biz--dog show biz, that is, which is sorta' like a beauty contest for dogs. Definite parallels to Presidential elections. We even have our own version of the debates called sparring. "The act of sparring…allows a judge to determine which [terrier] possesses the greatest amount of poise and fire, tempered with dignity and control." (Gore and Dean need not apply.)

I hated losin'--since I usually won--but we were really in it for fun. Not to mention we got to take some killer vacations. AHM and I got to strut around the Pebble Beach Golf Club at least once a year. (Okay, before Bunker Mulligan has a stroke--not on the actual course, of course, but right next to the 18th green on the back lawn of the Lodge.) AHM still likes to brag she's "played" Pebble Beach when all she's ever done is putt on the practice green outside the pro shop. [That's playing, isn't it?--AHM Not!--Harrison]

But while we were havin' a good time, others were waaay too serious about winnin'. Ya' might not know it, but fashions change for dogs from time to time. (Even the AKC can change the breed standard after about a gazillion years.) Just like everything else in life, if one "type" of breed wins big time--or gets famous on TV, like Eddie on Fraiser--they get real popular real fast. And if a certain breed look seems to be favored by judges, well, the scramble is on to have your dog look the same.

So here come the loonies who will do anything to make their dog a winner--includin' plastic surgery and Botox injections. (Some claim the 2003 Crufts UK winner was one.) I even read somewhere you can buy fake cahones for those dogs in--ummmm--"altered" states, in case their egos are sufferin'. Never knew anyone who did that--among our crowd the forgers stuck to hair dye. Yep, you read that right--owners would actually dye the dogs' hair to make it look better--blacker, redder, whatever they thought the judges were favorin' that season.

Some judges didn't seem to notice or care. Others would show up with white gloves--like those silly Brit lady housecleaners--and you did not want to be caught black-handed, so to speak. My Dad told a story about bein' in some east coast show when a totally unexpected rainstorm blew up. Lasted long enough for at least one dog to develop serious black "stripes." Memo to that owner--Aussies aren't supposed to resemble black and rust zebras.

And the point of all this is… Desperate people do desperate things. If they're gonna' get crazy desperate enough to shell out big bucks for plastic surgery or try a home grown dye job just to win a few dog shows, what'll they do to have their guy win the Presidency? Top it off with bein' in a position to influence the judges--er--voters--just when your favorite son needs some serious Botox to collect the Best Of ribbon, well… If you're Dan Rather and CBS, I guess you're crazy desperate enough to fork out whatever shows up in the litter pan.

Come to think of it, those fake balls are somethin' Kerry Litter might wanna' look in to.

*The "Krazy Kat" cartoon strip was created by George Herriman and ran in Hearst newspapers from 1913 until 1944.

"Drifting now to a Lower Social Level,
We find `Krazy Kat' Propelled by
a Great Sense, and urge of Kuriosity
on his Way to the Enchanted Mesa,
on Whose Topside, `Joe Stork'
The Bird of Destiny, Makes his Home."

- George Herriman, April 21, 1918

Technical link dug up at Allah Pundit by way of The Discerning Texan.

posted by Harrison at 12:21 AM


Blogger ereyck said...

Cool calls Harrison. More on fe-lying over at the point.


10:34 AM  
Blogger Libsareb Raindead said...

"Come to think of it, those fake balls are somethin' Kerry Litter might wanna' look in to."

Exactly what I was thinking when I got to the part about dye jobs. Is it my imagination, or does someone need to run one of those white gloves across Qerry's hair these days?

2:23 PM  

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