Pity the Poor Piscis

UPDATE: Grouchy Old Yorkie Lady wonders if Fluffy tastes as good as bass. (Must see picture!)

PETA pushes penitence for piscatory persecusion.

Yeah, you read that right. The wackos are tryin' to tell us fish have feelings. I've lived with fish--well, they lived in their tank and I lived everywhere else, but you know what I'm gettin' at. All they did was swim and eat and poop. And make google eyes at us from the other side of the glass like some cartoon looney.

Now PETA would have us think of them as our brothers and sisters--provided you can figure out how to tell which is which.

"Touting tofu chowder and vegetarian sushi as alternatives, animal-rights activists have launched a novel campaign arguing that fish -- contrary to stereotype -- are intelligent, sensitive animals no more deserving of being eaten than a pet dog or cat.

"Called the Fish Empathy Project, the campaign reflects a strategy shift by People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals as it challenges a diet component widely viewed as nutritious and uncontroversial.

"No one would ever put a hook through a dog's or cat's mouth," said Bruce Friedrich, PETA's director of vegan outreach. "Once people start to understand that fish, although they come in different packaging, are just as intelligent, they'll stop eating them."

Ya' gotta' think these people have a tough time tellin' their families what they do for a livin'. I mean, how do you admit to bein' a fishy lawyer--unless you're John Edwards, that is? And have they talked to the fish about this campaign? Do they visit aquariums and stand in front of the tanks makin' silly fish faces hopin' to get an expert's opinion?

Actually they might need some character witnesses--and a dream team defense--for this big fish.

"The authorities in South Africa were considering last night whether to launch a hunt for the great white shark that killed an elderly woman off a Cape Town beach - the second attack on swimmers in the area this year.

"They were also debating whether to stop tourists feeding sharks, a practice that may have encouraged the animals to linger in the waters…

But it's such fun to pet that sensitive shark.

"Brian de Jager, a friend of Mrs Webb's and one of the 15 local people who witnessed the attack, told the Guardian: "I took my usual walk and I saw Tyna swimming. The next minute I saw this fin coming through the water and then the discolouration in the water. It was so quick, it all took place in only 30 seconds." Other witnesses said the shark had been six metres (19ft) long and circled Mrs Webb before attacking.

"A red swimming cap was all that was found, despite a sea and air search."

PETA needs to send Bruce Friedrich to South Africa so he can counsel this intelligent, sensitive, shark on the error of his ways. I'll donate the red bathing cap…

posted by Harrison at 1:20 AM