Wag the Dog

Yeah, right. Just try it, Sparky, and you'll find out how much of a pacifist I am.

Ya' know, I thought with the elections over those Hollywood Kerry-litter types would move out--or at least stay out of sight for a while. Guess not.

"Dustin Hoffman says man could learn how to preserve world peace by the following the example of dogs. Hoffman says there would be less conflict if, like dogs, humans first sniffed each other out before deciding whether or not to fight.

"Writing in the December issue of Playboy, The Graduate star says, "If a lot of dogs are on the beach, the first thing they do is smell each other's a***.

"The information that's gotten somehow makes pacifists out of all of them. I've thought, 'If only we smelled each other's a**, there wouldn't be any war.'"

Couple'a quick notes, here, Dusty. First, I'm guessin' most of the dogs you see runnin' the beach don't have all their equipment--especially the part that pumps the "gotta'-have-it-now" juice due south. And the bitches are probably in the same condition. Unaltered canines cavorting loose along the shores of the Pacific end up in the pound, at a vet's office bein' reassembled--or as some clever headline over at Drew Fark's.

Second, have you ever seen what really happens when a strange canine sticks their nose in a place it isn't wanted? There are no pacifists on that battlefield. Trust me on this one. I know what I do when that happens…

'Course if you wanna' experience the butt sniffin' scene, feel free to drop in at my place. I'll let ya' crawl around after me sniffin' to your heart's content.

(Memo to AHM: recharge camera batteries…)

posted by Harrison at 1:42 PM