No go, No way, Not Ever

Okay, so this looks pretty tame, 'though walkin' down the street in a get-up the same color they're paintin' fire hydrants these days could have some unpleasant side effects.

"PuppyPurse was designed to keep your diminutive doggie and you, their adoring human, inseparable. Your pup will ride at your side in open air comfort -- no stuffy handbags! And they'll do it in style, snuggly wrapped in a bodice of spongy waffle, luxurious faux fur, or one of our other hand selected materials. Finishing touches like fringes, beads, or feathers add a fashion flair that will make them the envy of their peers!"

You wrap my bodice and I'll rip yours. And just in case those designers haven't figured it out, dogs already wear fur! We're not gonna' be envious of some other poor slob wrapped in fake--uh, pardon, faux--leopard skin. Geeze… They're pushin' that metrosexual mantra waaaayyy too far. But this stuff just looks silly, right? Unless you've already looked at the pics and know the horrible truth, think again.

"Whether you wear it like a shoulder bag, a fanny pack, or carry it like a purse, PuppyPurse lets you find the perfect fit for you and your dog. You will spend the day close and comfortable, and ready for anything. Anytime. Everywhere."

Fanny pack!? Fanny pack! You expect me to spend the day bouncin' off your bottom and be happy about it? Well, just try it and I guaran-damn-tee you I'll be ready for anything--and it ain't gonna' be either close or comfortable.

posted by Harrison at 10:05 AM