Kibbles 'n Bits®

This is for all you Silly Humans who think it's cute havin' your fe-lyings leap about like Mexican Jumpin' Beans…

Arsonist pays the price.

"Fire officials are blaming a 20-pound cat for starting a…house fire that caused about $25,000 damage. "The…cat apparently jumped on an electric range in the basement…and turned on the push-button control, said Darrell Christy, the fire department's chief of operations. Plastic containers on top of the range smoldered.

"We eliminated everything except for the cat," Christy said. A smoke detector alerted at least three people in the home, who were not hurt, Christy said. The fire damaged part of the basement and smoke damaged much of the residence, he said. The cat died, likely of smoke inhalation, he said."

…and let them roam like gnomes…

Redneck=1 Fe-lyin'=0

"Ricky Ray James Rogers…allegedly fired a .22-caliber rifle at the cat outside his house,… Residents of [a] nearby…halfway house for men recovering from…addictions, told investigators that Rogers asked them if the cat was theirs after it walked into his yard. When the men said it was not, Rogers allegedly pointed the rifle at the animal and tried three times to shoot it before finally getting the weapon to work. Witnesses said the cat ran off after the man shot it from only two or three feet away. Deputies found the dead cat in bushes nearby.

"Rogers allegedly admitted that he shot the cat. He said he is allergic to animal hair and the [halfway house] residents have several cats and dogs that roam the area.

Serial killers get three names, but cat killers get four. Wh'd'ya' expect from someone named Ricky Ray James Rogers?

Lassie Still on the Job

"In a case of life imitating fiction, a 13-month-old cattle dog named "Lassie" helped to rescue its injured master after he fell from a horse in eastern Australia,… George Crowther, a 90-year-old farmer from Queensland state, broke his pelvis when he was pitched from a bucking horse and his foot became caught in the reins… Crowther's dog, Lassie,…snuggling in next to Crowther to keep him warm.

"When darkness fell, Crowther's wife came searching in the woods with a flashlight,… "The dog ran to her and she said 'Where's George?" Crowther [said]. "And [Lassie] toddled off, leading my wife to where I was. And the rest, of course, is history."

Or a TV movie-of-the-week. Ya' know, we Aussies are a long-lived bunch, but a 90-year-old farmer?!

Maybe you need to buy a more liberal dog…

"During a news conference in which Gov. George Pataki sought to take a bite out of crime, a dog bite got the upper hand. At first the ex-hooper joked that his bandaged right hand was the result of a reverse dunk. Under further questioning he allowed that he had tried to break up a fight between his dog and another — apparently unsuccessfully.

"He downplayed the injury and didn't get an anti-rabies shot after the weekend incident at his family home in Garrison, Putnam County. "If I start foaming at the mouth, you'll know I should have had it," Pataki said."

Some of your constituents think you already have.

Six Inches of Green-eyed Monster

"Phil Woodlock and Jacqui Mallin were driven to despair by the barking tantrums of her attention-seeking dog, Bailey the Yorkshire terrier. Despite being a mere six inches tall, the pint-sized pooch laid down the law to Mr Woodlock, a prison governor, preventing him sharing a bed, or even the sofa, with his partner of six years. The situation became so bad that the couple, from Bellshill, North Lanarkshire, resorted to staying in hotels in order to spend an evening together."

Either Bailey is part of the radical, moralistic religious right, or he's jealous he's not gettin' any.

"They finally called in dog training expert, Victoria Stilwell,… She was astonished to find the pampered pooch, who refused to eat dog food from a bowl, was allowed by Ms Mallin and her daughter…to eat from their forks and plates at the dinner table… "There were three in this relationship - and Bailey was the top man." [Mrs. Stilwell said.]…"

Uh huh. Just what I thought. Now here's the real solution to the problem:

"…Bailey's new playmate, 14-week-old Molly, another Yorkshire terrier puppy, soaks up much of his craving for attention."

Get it on, Bailey!

Jackie Gleason fish fights for recognition…

…and if you don't understand that reference, ask your parents or grandparents.

"Humuhumunukunukuapuaa dethroned in Hawaii. The stubby-nosed, brightly striped and slightly aggressive little fish whose name few tourists even try to utter (it's pronounced HOO-moo- HOO-moo-NOO-koo-NOO-koo-AH-poo-AH-ah) is commonly believed to be the state's favorite. The fish figures into tourist trinkets, broadcast commercials and a much-beloved song about a little grass shack…

"Here's a cute little fish. It kind of looks like a pig and it squawks and everything," said Chuck Johnston, editor of Hawaii Fishing News.

Sounds like just the ticket--an all-purpose official fish-animal-bird.

posted by Harrison at 11:44 AM