Ted Kennedy Can Get Auto Insurance…

…but dog owners are an insurance risk in Massachusetts.

"Mary Ellis, who has owned Siberian huskies for 25 years, was incensed when her insurer canceled its policy on her Bridgewater [MA] home even though, she said, she had never filed a claim and her dogs had never bitten anyone. Ellis was told by Commerce Insurance Company that her five huskies, a breed described by the American Kennel Club as ''friendly and gentle," made her a risky customer…

"Commerce, which underwrites more homes in the state than any other insurer, considers about a dozen types of dogs ''unacceptable," including Yorkshire terriers, a toy breed that rarely weighs more than 7 pounds. The company would not discuss Ellis's situation, saying it does not comment on specific cases, and did not explain why Yorkshires are on its list."

Yorkies! What are they doin'? Violatin' the anti-noise ordinance? And what about those deadly Chihuahuas?

In every state we canines are required to be licensed and leashed and restricted in all sorts of ways. We're not allowed on most beaches and parks, and you humans gotta' run after us pickin' up our poop 'cause it's toxic, don'ya'know.

Fe-lyings, on the other paw—whose poop really is toxic—roam free as a…well…bird. They spread fleas in your yard and run roughshod through your flowerbeds, usin' 'em as litter boxes. They camp out under your bird feeder like it's an all-you-can-eat diner. They breed almost as fast as rabbits. But they're not considered an issue.

Well, let's just take a gander at how harmless those fe-lyings really are. Ya' might wanna' commit these stories to memory 'cause your cat could be the death of you…

Fe-lyings carry the bird flu.

"A domestic cat in Germany has become the first European Union mammal to die of the deadly H5N1 strain of bird flu. The cat was found dead at the weekend on the Baltic island of Ruegen, where dozens of birds infected with H5N1 have been found…

"Cats have been known to contract the virus from eating infected birds. Three rare civet cats in Vietnam died of bird flu last August. In October 2004, dozens of tigers died at a private zoo in Thailand after a bird flu outbreak. There are no recorded cases of cat-to-human infection, but the German finding will raise concerns of further cross-species transmission."

Considerin' these next stories, just give it time.

Fe-lyings carry the plague.

"A local cat was diagnosed with plague Friday — the fourth in southern Wyoming this year — and public health officials warned that people should take precautions to protect their pets and themselves.

"Gus Lopez, director of the Cheyenne-Laramie County Health Department, said the latest case occurred west of the city, in the same general area where two other cats contracted the disease. A fourth cat, in neighboring Albany County, also was diagnosed with plague."

Fe-lyings make their owners nutso!*

"The [Stanley Research Medical Institute of Maryland] has already published research showing that people infected with the toxoplasma parasite are at greater risk of developing schizophrenia and manic depression…

"Toxoplasma moves in a natural cycle between rats and cats. Rats acquire it from contact with cat faeces and cats reacquire it from hunting infected rats. It has long been known that humans can become infected with the parasite through close contact with cats."

In other words, fe-lyings are the ultimate weapons of mass destruction.** No wonder the Islamofascists love 'em and hate dogs.

*The TimesOnline story about this risk is no longer available.

**Dr. Maimes Dobson of Focus on the Feline offers a possible solution.

posted by Harrison at 3:36 PM