Name:Harrison Location:United States

The Original Lovable Little Fuzzball

Here's the straight stuff.

The adventures of Harrison are true.
Try a few of his Crunchy Bites for a taste.
--Alpha Human Mom

Monday, March 13, 2006

So Ya' Wanna' Be A Crunchy Con

AHM kept readin' that expression and I always figured Crunchy Con was some expensive dog food she was too cheap to buy for us. Ya' know how they're always comin' out with the latest scientifically formulated concoction guaranteed to make us canines happy and fit when all we really need is a hunk of meat to gnaw on and a herd of fe-lyings to chase.

Well this weekend I discovered I was wrong. Crunchy Cons are actually a bunch of the elite intelligentsia who suffer from Redneck envy. They dream of pursuin' the agrarian lifestyle without givin' up their wifi, TiVo, or BMWs—or actually watchin' NASCAR. I imagine there's even a bunch of 'em in communes gatherin' to meditate upon the organic mantras of Maharishi Rod Mahesh Yogi Dreher. He, on the other paw, is jettin' about the land sellin' his book on the simple life of Crunchy Conservatism while postin' to NRO's The Corner from his Blackberry.

"Rod Dreher: "In this chapter, I write about how Julie and I learned how to cook at home when we got married, and how discovering the joy of creating good food in our own kitchen, especially to serve to friends, taught us a lot about the good life."

He-lloooo? He can create his own food in his kitchen? If that's so, there are a whole bunch of clonin' scientists who'd like that secret recipe. (Ya'd think an editor/columnist of a big Dallas newspaper could have phrased that better. Must be left over from bein' a movie critic at the New York Post.)

"Bruce Frohnen: "But an awful lot of leisure activities ("just for fun") can be, well, shallow." " More important are activities that bring people together to actually talk and, as much as possible, share important aspects of their lives."

"Just for fun" is supposed to be shallow. It's the definition of shallow. Bringin' people together "…to actually talk and…share…" is either an encounter group or a revival meetin', dependin' upon your regional orientation.

'Course if they were real "Crunchy Cons" they wouldn't have time to be thinkin' in a think tank or pontificatin' in a paper 'cause they'd be out plowin' the fields and hoein' the corn. And their sharin' of important aspects of their lives would be a barn raisin', with the men sweatin' over a hammer and nails and women sweatin' over ye old wood-burnin' cook stove.

Ya' wanna' be a real Crunchy Con? Move your family to an Amish community for a year and live the life you want for the rest of us.

What? No? I didn't think so.

posted by Harrison at 11:20 AM


Post a Comment