Huckleberry Hounded

Just realized the first round competition for candidates happens next week, 'though why anyone thinks havin' a bunch a people vote on somethin' when they're still nursin' a hangover from New Year's Eve is beyond me. Then again, since so many seem to be seriously considerin' a good ole' boy former governor from Hope, Arkansas as a suitable candidate they've already been swillin' the moonshine for waaaay too long. Guess they didn't learn anything from the last time they went the good-ole'-boy-former-governor-from-Hope-Arkansas route.

Now, who you have for a non-human companion (and which non-human companion will have you) can say a lot to potential voters. The AP says the Huckabee family has a Shih Tzu named Sonic, and a black lab named Jet. (The Salt Lake Tribune says Jet's a plain ole' huntin' dog. Potato-patahto. Whatever ya' call him, Huckleberry better keep both of 'em away from his son who seems to have some Vick-ed tendencies.)

Okay, let’s take a closer sniff. First, the Labrador Retriever is the most popular dog breed in the US (and with Russian pres Vladimir Putin). That makes me wonder if Huckleberry is a follow-the-crowd, go-along-to-get-along type, ‘specially since the other two candidates livin’ with Labs are both Demo-cats. With his previous record, if Huck gets to be President with a Demo-cat Congress I'm not likin' our chances of avoidin' more taxes and regulations.

On the other paw, it is a type of gun dog, which plays well with the Second Amendment supporters. Namin’ the poor guy Jet (as in “jet black”), however, doesn’t bode well for Huckleberry’s outside-the-box thinkin’ skills. Okay, okay, maybe Jet did get his name from being fast. I’ll consider speed analogies only because the little Shih Tzu twerp half of the Huckabee canine duo is called “Sonic.” Either that or as a pup the kid looked like a hedgehog and Sonic is a way Huckleberry can claim there's no generation gap with the video-gamin’ set.

However, since I’m an expert on canine breeds—bein’ one myself ‘n all—I’m getting a whiff of kitty litter from that direction. See, Shih Tzu is literally “Lion Dog” in Chinese and frankly I’ve had enough of the Arkansas/China connection to last me forever. And maybe—just maybe—Huck is unconsciously showin’ his Demo-cat/liberal side by ownin’ a canine that has been described by some as part domestic fe-lyin’.

My verdict? Four paws down for Mike Huckabee.

(Okay Boris, your turn.)

posted by Harrison at 10:06 PM