Stealers, Squealers, Suicide Squirrels, Mashpee Wampanoag, 'n Global Warmin'

No, this isn't a political post, however, considerin' the McPainful news comin' outta' SC, I thought some of us could use a reminder things can get worse…

They don't steal fe-lyings, do they? No, they don't. But this thief wasn't payin' attention to the right stuff.

"[RCMP Const. Scott Hagarty said] police are relying on tips from people who may have seen this rare, tan-coloured pooch. “It’s kind of a unique dog because it only has one testicle,”

Unique, hell. I know lots of guys with none.

Isn't this how Dan Rather got started?

"It is not every day that a television news crew solves the local crime of the century. It happened yesterday in Alice, [TX].

"…Puddles, the Shih Tzu [belonging to] the Rudy Gutierrez family [was] left with their neighbor, the mayor, while they went on a weekend vacation. When a family member called during the weekend to check on the dog, Mayor Grace Saenz-Lopez sadly said the dog had died and she had buried it.

"But months later, a friend spotted a dog that looked just like Puddles at a local grooming shop. When the family called the groomer, she said the mayor had dropped it by for work. Its name was Panchito.

"Through her lawyer, the mayor admitted that Panchito was Puddles, but said she had rescued the dog from a family that was killing it by neglect.

Sign that woman up for the Female Dog's campaign team—right after I chew her face off!


The poodle took a dive…

"…Joe Stapleton got home from work and walked into the kitchen, and Mango [a two-pound poodle] raced to greet him. Stopped short by a new gate the family had installed to keep their dogs out of the kitchen, Mango jumped. Up, up, up she went before gravity took charge and Mango landed. On her head…

"…she's had two blows to the head that might have killed her, and she's still wobbly. Her vet recommended that until she's steady on her paws, Mango should use caution. So when…the Stapletons are with her, they strap Mango into a new safety device that suits her poodlelicious style: a hot-pink hard hat.

…and the cat squealed.

"A man was arrested for murdering his long-term partner after police secretly taped him apparently confessing to his cats, a jury has been told."

I blame Boris and Natasha.

"Romania angry over suicidal squirrels. A cartoon showing squirrels hanging themselves and throwing themselves in front of cars has drawn the ire of Romanian broadcasting authorities."

Remember all those conservation/environmental types tellin' us how sympathetic and at-one-with-nature those original residents of America were? Well, not so much…'specially when money's concerned.

I'll bid one Wampanoag and raise ya' two cooters.

"The red-bellied cooter, a turtle named on both the state and federal endangered species lists, is present on the 500-acre site where the Mashpee Wampanoag are planning a resort casino. "

Speakin' of global warmin'…well…not really…

"The cold weather and deep snow is not only affecting people [in Utah]; it's affecting the moose. They're coming down to lower elevations in record numbers this year."

posted by Harrison at 12:17 AM