Things That Go Blimp in the Night*

I was puttin' together a post about Black Dog who worked the lines for the Lighter Than Air airships of the navy when I dug up this tale over at the Straight Dope message board. Black Dog can wait. Ya' gotta' get over there now and read. Ummm…ya' might wanna' put down your evenin' libation or mornin' coffee—dependin' on when ya' read it. If ya' don't you'll be cleanin' up a big, big mess!

The story begins with an innocent toy for the writer's 3-year-old daughter—at least until bedtime when the vagrancies of a hot air central heatin' system and a fat little dwarf readin' Penthouse create an attackin' force Hitler would've envied.

"Last week while travelling I stopped at a Zany Brainy store and saw that they had a blimp for sale. It's called Airship Earth, and it's a great big balloon with a map of the Earth on it, and two propellors hanging from the bottom. You blow up the balloon with helium put batteries in it, and you have a radio controlled indoor blimp."

[…]

"Without volition I screamed my battle cry (which is indistinguishable to the sound a little girl makes when you drop a spider down her dress (not that I'd know what that sounds like,) and lept out of bed in my underwear.

"I struck the approaching menace with all my strength and almost fell over at the total lack of resistance that a helium balloon offers when you punch the living shit out of it with all the stength that sudden middle of the night terror produces."

*From a comment by the author.

posted by Harrison at 10:39 PM