Name:Harrison Location:United States

The Original Lovable Little Fuzzball

Here's the straight stuff.

The adventures of Harrison are true.
Try a few of his Crunchy Bites for a taste.
--Alpha Human Mom

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

Monkey Was Livin' High on the Hog

Had a feeling the story this guy told was a bunch of used kitty litter. Never believed he was keepin' the monkey to cook and clean--in fact, the only monkey I ever knew was less than useless. Had to wear diapers 'cause he wasn't smart enough to be housebroken--just let fly whenever the spirit moved him. A real Monkey Moore.

"August 9, 2004 -- The "disabled" Brooklyn man whose monkey has bitten two kids says he needs his attack macaque to help him cook, open drawers and comb his hair — but here's the ex-con doing construction and even shoveling snow without any help whatsoever.

"The Post has obtained damning photographs showing that Steve Seidler, who spent nine years in federal prison for dealing cocaine, may not need Darla the macaque after all — and that he might have been making a monkey of taxpayers for years.

"Pictures taken over the winter and last summer show Seidler doing yardwork, digging his car out and even building a wheelchair ramp—leading his Mill Basin neighbors to believe his monkey act was simply a dog-and-pony show."

I resent the "dog" part of that expression. My shows were always classy. No jumpin' on a pony's back wearin' a tutu (although I have been known to wear a red tie at Christmas) and wavin' to the crowd. (Hem does the tricks, the little suck-up.)

"Seidler retired on disability from the NYPD in 1984 and has since been collecting three-quarters of his salary for a hand injury — meaning he has been getting $2,200 a month tax-free for the past 20 years. That's a total of more than $500,000 of taxpayers' money."

This is somethin' I know about. Up close and personal. These kind of people need to be caught and cut off. The way humans can figure out ways to steal money from other humans amazes me. And they don't seem to feel at all guilty about it. Hell, even I feel guilty when I screw up.

Ya' know, from what I've seen I've decided humans are either takers (mostly liberal-type people) or givers. Silly Human Female is of those humans who's got what AHM calls "an entitlement mentality." Guess that means she's a "taker." 'Course she always pretended to be a "giver," but, like AHM said once, don't ever ask SHF to "drop by sometime" 'cause she will--and forget to leave. Hmmmm--better wait to write about that or I'll never get to the rest of this story.

"Ever since Darla bit 2-year-old Tommy Romano at a Brooklyn Key Food, Seidler has only been seen leaving his house in a motorized wheelchair, for which he has a metal ramp going up to his house.

"But neighbors—who wished to remain anonymous—said they had hardly ever seen him use the chair before and that he often pushed it up the ramp himself.

"Seidler told reporters last week that he suffers from emphysema, asthma, and poor circulation, which is why he needed the monkey."

When my dad was real sick with a bad heart, he used to have problems getting' his breath. Couldn't jump up on his favorite chair and sure couldn't take walks any more. Ya' don't muck about in the garden and dig your car out of a snowdrift in that condition. Hell, Dad could barely go up and down the outside steps much less build a ramp! (Okay, so he couldn't build a ramp on his best days, but you get my meanin'.)

"Dennis Trott, the lawyer who successfully defended Seidler last year against a health-code violation, said the photos, which he hadn't seen, did not necessarily prove anything. "He could get up and walk for a while, but he would experience fatigue, shortness of breath, and maybe his legs would give out," Trott said. Trott also claimed that some neighbors had personal vendettas against Seidler."

That Trott is a John Edwards wanna-be for sure. Wonder how many taxpayer dollars he got for defendin' that piece of clumpin' kitty litter?

We got a Seidler type livin' in our neighborhood. Really creeps us out, the ugly son of a cat. And yeah, most of the neighbors have personal vendettas against him. Aside from resentin' the dollars they're shellin' out to keep the jerk in booze and cigarettes, the cathole walks around all day harassing women and peekin' in neighborhood windows. Wife says his brain is messed up and he doesn't know what he's doin'. Right--like a fe-lying doesn't know. The cops know what he's doin'. He's got a rap sheet a half-mile long.

And he sure as hell can use his brain well enough to avoid AHM and her handy-dandy stun gun.

posted by Harrison at 10:32 AM


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