Name:Harrison Location:United States

The Original Lovable Little Fuzzball

Here's the straight stuff.

The adventures of Harrison are true.
Try a few of his Crunchy Bites for a taste.
--Alpha Human Mom

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Shrink Rapped

One of my favorite blogs is Sigmund, Carl, and Alfred which bills itself as a tribute to those three men by "…an admiring psycho-therapist." As the subhead claims, the site is "…dedicated to the world of bloggers, many of whom exhibit more than mild symptoms of various personality disorders."

SC&A symbolically channels the collective memory of those three famous psychoanalysts--Sigmund Freud, Carl Jung, and Alfred Alder--while dreams of analyzin' and definin' the parameters of acceptability within the blogosphere dance in his id*. His three-in-one subconscious appears to be at war with his libido, creatin' a conflicted superego, inferiority/superiority mood swings, and a general atmosphere of cynical grumpiness.

It was only a matter of time before he took on the pet bloggin' community. And it must be a larger task than he expected since he does it three times within two days, here and here.

"For some of you, this, may come as a shock: animals do not blog.

"We understand the thrapeutic benefits a pet can have on an individual or family. We wholeheatedly agree that taking care for and even loving an pet can be an important part of one's life- the resposibility and lessons learned are important.

"Now in case you missed the already stated point of this piece, we want to again remind you: animals do not blog…

"Writing a blog in a cat/dog/hamster/fish voice is entertaining only to yourself and that small galaxy of morons who feel the need to do the same."

When I first entered the wide world of webbloggin', it was strictly for my own amusement--an exercise in observin' human silliness in much the same way as Boy, author of A Dog's Life. Peter Mayle, of course, actually wrote Boy's words on paper and had them published since the lack of opposable thumbs makes it difficult for canines to type. Mayle, as you may or may not know, is the author of numerous books, most notably A Year in Provence. SC&A is entitled to his opinion, but I certainly would not classify Mayle's fans and readers as "morons."

"If the rest of us don't really care about what you have to say in your personal blog (trust us here, we don't. Having a second blog written by/about a pet is a fair indicator of that), why on earth would you think we care about the imaginary conversations you have with Fluffy or Spot?"

Humans are animals, although they prefer to ignore that inconvenient fact. Their behavior is frequently beneath the behavior exhibited by the average canine and, yes, fe-lyin'. The biggest disconnect between four-legged and two-legged animals is that we are realistic about our biases and shortcomings--and yours.

Humans, on the other paw, must endlessly rationalize their actions, projectin' their own motives onto others to justify aberrant behavior. They are so driven to seek external sources of blame they often crumble under the weight of their confusion, drivin' 'em to seek justification on the therapist's couch.

In other words, in our world an ass knows it's an ass.

Continued in Read the Rest!

"You can delude yourself into believing you have conversations with your pet (see us for extended therapy), but in the end, you are not really having a conversation with Fluffy. You see (brace yourselves), you cannot have a conversation with an animal."

And the reverse is true as well. Humans are remarkably ignorant when it comes to animal dialects.

For the record, I rarely have extended conversations with Alpha Human Mom. I use that appellation, btw, to distinguish her from Canine Mom--aka Grand Dam Bitch--not because I have any misconceptions over who brought me into this world, but as a recognition of the one who cares and provides for my well-being. Or, as SC&A so inelegantly phrases it, the person who provides "… a place for [me] to crap and feed…"

AHM reads aloud to us because we like the sound of her voice--in the same way we like hearin' certain types of music and dislike the noctural caterwaulin' of hormone-overladen fe-lyings. If something she reads is amusin'--and trust me most human behavior is very amusin'--I am moved to comment on it and she is kind enough to transcribe my thoughts.

"The animal does not care if your PMS is particularly severe this month. The animal does not care that your work leaves you 'unfulfilled' or that your miserable and uncaring boyfriend/girlfriend isn't responding to your needs (ask yourself if maybe your unhealthy attachment to your animal might have something to do with that)."

Actually we do care--at least as far as it affects how humans treat us. (See "feed and crap" reference above.)

There is ample room in the blogosphere for all sorts--includin' those who include pet bloggin' along with newsworthy links and insightful commentary. There is even room for conservative discourse from a fe-lying who is more erudite than the average "reality-based" blogger.

Unfortunately such websites appear to be causin' SC&A to experience cognitive dissonance. Since I'm a lowly canine, I have no $500 per hour advice to offer--except…

Psycho-therapist--shrink thyself.


posted by Harrison at 2:43 PM


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