Takin' Names and Humpin' Legs

No, not me. This guy in San Francisco.

Make Public Dog Sex Legal

"Why does San Francisco, the supposed home of equal rights, continue to discriminate against dogs that make love in the park?"

Frankly, I like a bit more privacy. And ya' never know what sort of--um--discomforts ya' might pick up humpin' just any ole' bitch. What if she's a canine Nancy Pelosi? Then where would ya' be?

"It was kind of perverse, as everyone seemed to be reveling in the sexual act between the two dogs," my wife recalls. "But I had to laugh, too. I couldn't control myself."

Yeah, lady. What you don't know is, we laugh at you too. Remember that the next time you get those matress springs squeakin'.

"It doesn't have to be this way. In my day there were parks, riverbeds, alleyways, and railway beds where dogs could meet, hook up, and make love obscured from the embarrassing gaze of human beings. Sadly, in San Francisco, spaces of this sort are off limits to animal love, thanks to a blue law in the city's Health Code that says it's illegal for animals to "breed on public property,"…

No mention of blue laws restrictin' humans--and if there ever was a bunch of humans that needed to be restricted from propagatin' it's San Franciscans.

[Continued in Read the Rest!]

"You can imagine my pleasure, therefore, when I noticed a package of legislation on last week's Board of Supervisors agenda aimed at improving the lives of San Francisco dogs… And I was ecstatic when I learned the dog-law package was sponsored by Supervisor Bevan Dufty, ordinarily an open-minded person when it comes to issues regarding sexual freedom. It turns out, however, that Dufty's supposed dog sop is not really very humane at all, as it leaves the anti-humping statute on the books…"

Does that mean humans can't do it "doggy style" any more? Talk about uncontrolled laughin'…

"A call to DogPac, the S.F. political action committee that advocates for dog rights, went unreturned. Sensing no outrage from the animal rights community, I decided to directly confront Friedman, the man responsible for enforcing the dog anti-sex laws.

"The first thing I wanted to know was whether the vague, no-"breed" ban prohibits all forms of dog sexual expression, some of which even the worst anti- animal-sex prude would have to admit are harmless. "Dogs will hump your leg. I would not consider that a violation of Section 41.12 of the city Health Code," noted Friedman,…"

All depends on what "dog" you're talkin' about. If it's Dianne Feinstein… well… that should definitely be a Health Code violation.

"What's more, Friedman argued in the anti-public-sex law's defense, my concern about my neighbors' dogs' potential embarrassment was misplaced. "Not only do they not give a damn, they would be more than pleased to mate anytime, anywhere, anyplace," Friedman asserted…"

Speak for yourself, buster.

"That may or may not be so. But I think it's still sad that a Mecca of free sexual expression would have no place for a pet that fancies a secret shag in the park."

Hump--er--Up the revolution!

posted by Harrison at 8:04 PM