Name:Harrison Location:United States

The Original Lovable Little Fuzzball

Here's the straight stuff.

The adventures of Harrison are true.
Try a few of his Crunchy Bites for a taste.
--Alpha Human Mom

Saturday, April 16, 2005

She Never Leaves Home Without It...


"Napoleon, a dog about the size of a small purse, even has his own Costco membership card. He may be the chain's only canine member. He belongs to Doris Steussy who wheels him around Issaquah in a red wagon with the personalized license plate…"

He must be a very complex dog.

Gotta' say, though, I have a thing about little red wagons. When I was just a pup, Silly Human Female thought it would be cute (I hate cute) to put harnesses on all of us, hook us up to one of those things, and have us haul her shoppin' bags around town. It was a reeeeaally stupid idea. The stupidest idea of all the stupid ideas that paragon of stupidness thought up. The only smart idea was tryin' it out in the drive before headin' into town. (That and not even thinkin' about makin' Dad join in which would have resulted in some serious bleedin' and loss of fingers.)

Right off the girls started squabblin' about who was wearin' the red harness instead of the blue, Uncle Harry was bitchin' about bein' stuck next to Grand Dam Bitch (who promptly laid down for a nap, never to get up without a well-placed stick of dynamite) and my brother Han and I thought we'd act out the great chariot race from Ben Hur.

Do ya' know how much noise one of those suckers makes when it flips over and gets dragged across asphalt, gravel, and rocks? With all the clangin' and bangin' we naturally figured the Great Fe-lyin' Devil from Hell was chasin' us which only made us run faster--in six different directions. Grand Dam Bitch hadn't moved that fast since…well…since never.

Lookin' back now I understand why Alpha Human Mom just stood there laughin', 'tho at the time I was pissed as hell she didn't stop SHF. AHM claimed seein' that bowlin' pin on legs stumble around after us was better than watchin' the Keystone Kops--whoever they are--'specially when we made SHF jump into the rose bushes to get out of our way.

No one got hurt, 'cept for our dignity and a couple of scratches on SHF. 'Course since then we've never been able to look at anything small 'n red with wheels without gettin' the urge to attack. Sorta' feel the same way about SHF.

"Steussy, a feisty 88-year-old who once spent more than a decade proving an investment banker had swindled her family's fortune, doesn't back down easily. One hot summer day her pooch was denied access to the Issaquah store. Steussy hurried through her brief shopping trip while Napoleon waited outside. At the check-out stand the clerk asked if there was anything else they could do for her. Steussy asked for the manager.

"After verifying that service dogs were allowed in the store, she explained that Napoleon, despite his less than 5-pound size, was her service dog. The manager complied with her request for a letter stating Napoleon was allowed in the store and then issued him a card on the spot."

I'm holdin' out for my own Visa Gold® card.

posted by Harrison at 1:22 PM


Post a Comment