Name:Harrison Location:United States

The Original Lovable Little Fuzzball

Here's the straight stuff.

The adventures of Harrison are true.
Try a few of his Crunchy Bites for a taste.
--Alpha Human Mom

Sunday, May 08, 2005

Good Horses, Arrant Jades*

You decided which is which.

A few days ago Meryl Yourish linked to a fisking of PETA's non-apology over the Holocaust advertsing campaign. (Bottom line--they'll do it again if they like, so there!) I guess animal rights people don't like…well…don't like people. AHM was always sayin' they would trample a homeless person just to throw blood on a fur-wearin' celeb.

Yesterday was the runnin' of the Kentucky Derby, and, since I didn't see any protestors around Churchill Downs, I thought I'd check out PETA's take on horse racin'. They don't like it. (D'uh.) Race horses, ya' see, can't make friends and don't have a stable home life.

"Racehorses can cost millions of dollars and are often purchased by syndicates, which may be composed of thousands of members. There are also trainers, handlers, veterinarians, and jockeys involved, so a horse is rarely able to develop any kind of bond with one person or other horses. They travel from country to country, state to state, racetrack to racetrack, so few horses are able to call one place “home.” Most do not end up in the well-publicized races, but instead are trucked, shipped, or flown to the thousands of other races that take place all over the country every year."

I gotta' admit I don't know a lot about how the professional race horses feel about friends and family and smoozin' with the guys down at the local taven. Maybe some of 'em do end up needin' time in analysis. But AHM had friends who owned a training stable and those equines were pampered, let me tell you. The ones I met (not many since I was too young to be allowed around large beings with very large, iron-trimmed feet) were enjoyin' life and loved gettin' out on the track. Even the lead pony fancied himself a hot property.

See, animals are naturally competitive. Yeah, I'm includin' you humans in that mix 'cause you are animals. Some of us are more competitive (and more successful) than others but there's no denyin' our instincts are to be better than the next guy. The day you humans decided it was Not Nice to encourage your pups to be winners was the beginin' of the long slide down to your general dumbness.

Horses love to run. Just take a look at a herd of youngsters in a field. They're already playin' horse race. They're also playin' kick the crap out of the other guy to get to the front, but that's the way kids are. Sorry to tell ya' this, but your precious baby is not born with a natural sense of be-nice-to-everyone-so-everyone-wins. It's more like a natural sense of beat-the-daylights-out-of-everyone- 'til-I'm-top-of-the-heap. We grown up animals are supposed to teach 'em that's not quite the way things are done--sometimes by smackin' 'em around a few times until they learn. Don't like that idea? Tough kitty litter. A little bottom paddlin' never hurt anyone, 'tho I've found a well-time bared-teeth growl is usually enough. (AHM uses a spray water bottle which does the trick--no one likes a snoot full of cold water.)

Anyway, PETA doesn't like the idea horses might like competin' on a race track. They're ignorin' the simple fact horse racin' got started because some ancient equestrian noticed his mount was tryin' to beat out the horse in the next lane along the ole' Appian Way. Take a look at the horses bein' led into the winner's circle at a track--any track. They're prancin' and dancin' and braggin' "I'm Number One." They'd be wavin' the ubiquitous index finger if they had one to wave.

Do humans screw things up? Greedy humans certainly do (horses didn't invent the idea of bettin' on themselves) but there's no shortage of greed anywhere in the animal kingdom. (Don't believe me?--just check out feedin' time in a houseful of fat fe-lyings. Been there--done that--it's not pretty.) And before any of you PETA people start yellin' "Amen Brother" you might wanna' remember that low-down Holocaust advertisment was to get money for your own herd. There's nothin' more disgustin' than some self-righteous prat wavin' the offerin' plate in front of a picture of dead people.

"Help phase out this exploitative “sport”: Refuse to patronize existing tracks, work to reform and enforce racing regulations, lobby against the construction of new tracks,…"

As long as a 50-1 shot like Giacomo can win the Kentucky Derby, that ain't gonna' happen anytime soon.

*"This same philosophy is a good horse in the stable, but an arrant jade on a journey."
Oliver Goldsmith - The Good-Natured Man, Act I

posted by Harrison at 3:49 PM


Post a Comment