Don't Cross an Albatross

The coming avian war has already been brought to my attention, but now mice have apparently decided to enter the fray.

As expected, NRO's Warren Bell and Jonah Goldberg are on top of the story.

"Giant carnivorous mice on the British-ruled island of Gough in the south Atlantic are eating seabird chicks alive in mass feeding frenzies, threatening several species' survival, a wildlife charity warned.

"The house mice, while three times the size of those seen in mainland Britain, are still only one 250th the size of the chicks they attack, the Royal Society for the Protection of Birds (RSPB) said Monday…"

House mice? I wanna' see the size of that house!

"We think there are about 700,000 mice which have somehow learned to eat chicks live, much like blue tits learned to peck milk bottle tops," [Geoff Hilton, a senior research biologist at the RSPB] said.

"The albatross chicks weigh up to ten kilograms (22 pounds), and ironically albatrosses evolved to nest on Gough because it had no mammal predators -- that is why they are so vulnerable," he said. "The mice weigh just 35 grams (1.235 ounces). It is like a tabby cat attacking a hippopotamus."

"In a pattern only ever seen on Gough Island, one mouse attacks a chick and the resultant blood appears to attract others, who gnaw into the defenceless chick's body, creating a gaping wound until it dies."

Callin' Michael Jackson...

The anti-avian Mr. Bell puts it in perspective. "For now, let the mice do their thing, and be glad we have an ally."

Yeah… They'll get their own in due time--700,000 giant mice all wearin' albatross necklaces.

'Course there is an alternative. Jihad fe-lyings. Slip 'em onto the island as illegal immigrants, strap 'em into little bomb belts, and let 'em go. Kill two birds with one stone. Er…well… Ya' get the idea.

posted by Harrison at 10:09 PM