Law & Order Edition of Kibbles 'n Bits®

Okay, I gotta' know. Why are you humans encouragin' your representatives to make more stupid laws?

"A state lawmaker is pushing for doggy seat belts on the advice of an 11-year-old constituent. Marc McCann of Green Tree came up with the idea as part of state Rep. Tom Stevenson's annual "There Ought to be a Law" contest."

My suggestion? There oughta' be a law outlawin' Rep. Tom Stevenson.

"Stevenson, R-Pa., submitted a bill to the House Transportation Committee in June that would require drivers to keep their dogs' heads inside the vehicle at all times. Stevenson also wants to require drivers to restrain the animals, either with some kind of modified seat belt or in a crate or carrier box."

Sure, buddy. Just as soon as you pass that friggin' leash law for fe-lyings!

Wha…? Huh?… Oh. Never mind.

"Walking a cat on a leash could become a common sight in Upper Moreland… "I want a cat leash law. I want the owners to be as responsible as I am," said Willow Grove [PA] resident Cindy Deasey, the owner of a dog who was twice seriously injured chasing a cat from her yard. "I want them held to the same standards that I'm held to," she said of cat owners, including those who feed and care for feral cats and other strays. "If my dog was digging up people's gardens and peeing and leaving animal parts," she said, "people would be up in arms."

Now, just to prove there's a place full of bigger idiots than PA (even tho' the Clintons have moved out).

Woodpecker victim of hate speech

"Two Little Rock radio-station disc jockeys have been suspended from their jobs for one day after they posted a cartoon on the Internet showing an ivory-billed woodpecker getting strangled.

"The rare [ivory billed] woodpecker was last sighted in 1944 and long believed to be extinct. [It] was rediscovered living in the bottomlands of eastern Arkansas…"

Insert sleazy Bill-and-Monica-meet-Woody-Woodpecker joke here.

"The federal government has pledged money to assure that the bird's habitat isn't damaged. But Deitz and Hamilton argue that taxpayer money should not be spent on the woodpecker. The cartoon's caption said "The woodpecker must die!''

Still… This law I can live with--ice cream trucks gettin' ticketed for violatin' anti-noise ordinances.

"Some [Mr. Ding-a-Ling ice cream] vendors have been ticketed for violating local noise ordinances, prompting officials of the Albany-based company to order their trucks to stay away from New York Mills and Whitestown, where people have complained about music blaring from loudspeakers…

"A compromise could work," said owner Brian Collis, "like if we played the music when the truck is stopped, at least so people know we're there."

We know you're there, buddy. Believe me, we know. In fact, ya'll haven't lived until you've heard an ice cream truck blarin' its Music Box Dancer arrangement of La Cucaraucha that sounds like a calliope on helium.

posted by Harrison at 8:10 PM