Name:Harrison Location:United States

The Original Lovable Little Fuzzball

Here's the straight stuff.

The adventures of Harrison are true.
Try a few of his Crunchy Bites for a taste.
--Alpha Human Mom

Thursday, June 30, 2005

Kibbles 'n Bits®

At last. That perfect gift for the Demo-cat who has everything. Needies. A guaranteed vote in every election--provided you treat 'em right, of course.

"Needies are interactive plush dolls inspired by codependent, high-maintenance relationships. Totally attention-starved, they compete with each other for human affection -- or, getting touch, as they like to say. When you give Needies touch (by hugging and squeezing them), they will return your kindness with songs and shameless flattery."

Or votes, as the case may be.

"But remember that Needies always know when other Needies are getting touch! If one Needie is getting touch while others are neglected, the unloved Needies will conspire to take its place."

Keep that money comin', honey, or I'm off to the highest bidder. Ya' know, those things look like the world's biggest stuffed chew toys. Lemme at 'em!

But if your elected official refuses to vote in your favor, well, there's always The Rodenator

"It has come out of the United States, where the underground gas exploder has been used to kill gophers, prairie dogs, squirrels, rats and even coyotes."

Wonder if anyone's thought of usin' it to get Ted Kennedy out of his hole?

"Now it is being put to use in New Zealand on rabbits… "It's a device that injects a calibrated mixture of propane, liquid petroleum gas and oxygen, mixed together, down through the rabbit's burrow and it's ignited to produce a massive underground concussion bomb," Mr Meyer said…

"The guys here just love it. They want to see the rabbits flying out of the hole but unfortunately everything stays in the ground, but it is very well accepted here."

Oh yeah… Work on that 'rabbits flyin' out of the hole' feature a bit more, and you got a keeper.

On the other paw… This is udderly ridiculous.

"[Florence Lukas] a French artist has designed lingerie for cows.

What is it with these Euro trash designers--Frenchies, Austrians, Bavarians? First dogs, then chickens, now brown cows.

"However, the cow bras have a serious purpose. They offer support for the cow's udders, which can weigh more than 100 pounds when filled with milk."

Anyone told Anna Nicole Smith 'bout that?

"The colorful lingerie was designed with the same type of lace often found in lingerie for women."

That's not an image I want rattlin' around behind my eyeballs…

posted by Harrison at 10:57 PM


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