Name:Harrison Location:United States

The Original Lovable Little Fuzzball

Here's the straight stuff.

The adventures of Harrison are true.
Try a few of his Crunchy Bites for a taste.
--Alpha Human Mom

Thursday, October 20, 2005


Any time a story starts with the words "It seemed like a good idea…" and involves scientists, ya' know it's gonna' be about somethin' that would make Dr. Frankenstein proud.

"It seemed like a good idea. Let a lone rat loose on a rodent-free island and then figure out how to kill it. That way, when other islands are invaded by rats, you'll know what to do. Scientists figured they'd trap this foot-long varmint in no time."

Uh huh. Just call the little bugger Rat-kenstein.

"Eighteen weeks later, they finally trapped it with some fresh penguin bait. On another island."

Those scientists might have a ton of schoolin' and lots of important letters behind their names, but it's obvious none of 'em knew how to play the violin.

"In the new study, a Norway rat was originally lured into a trap with chocolate. Its DNA was recorded, and the rat was outfitted with a radio collar and set free on the tiny island of Motuhoropapa off the coast of New Zealand.

"With no rats to compete with, the test subject traversed the entire island for about four weeks before settling on a home range, data from the radio collar showed. For the next four weeks, conventional rat-trapping techniques were employed, snap traps, live traps and waxed devices, without success."

Hmmmm… Deserted island. One rat. An entire herd of human scientists. How hard would it be to avoid that? And how hard would it be for Rat-kenstein to figure out "snap traps, live traps, and waxed devices" were notthe normal berries and grubs usually found in the natural world?

"After 10 weeks, the radio signal was lost. Then the researchers found rat feces on the island of Otata, 1,300 feet away across the open ocean. The DNA was a match, confirming a suspicion scientists had, that rats were good swimmers.

Never saw Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, did they?

"The elusive creature had made the longest confirmed open-water crossing of any rodent in history."

Obviously he heard Ratis Hilton was showin' her tatas on Otata.

"Different methods were used on Otata: buried traps, peanut butter, poison and even trained dogs. Not until more than four months after its release was the rat finally killed, in a trap baited with fresh penguin."

Bet there's a whole bunch of penguins applyin' for flight school right now…

"The scientists, led by James Russell at the University of Auckland, sagely conclude that conventional methods didn't work well."

At what point did they get their first clue?

"They also have an idea why:"

Eighteen weeks and they only have an idea?

"Being alone, the rat didn't behave as it would have in a rat-infested city; and with no competition for food, the bait was less attractive than it otherwise would have been…"

Apparently the idea Rat-kenstein was just horny never entered their minds. Oh, yeah. They're science geeks…

"Our results may help in the design of conservation strategies to keep islands free of invasive rodents," the researchers write."

Strategy #1: de-Con® Works for me.

posted by Harrison at 9:22 PM


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