Growlin' to the Oldies

Ya' know, I wrote about this kind of human disfuctional behavior a long time ago. Guess you people just can't get the message.

Pets shake their tails to Internet station

'Suppose we should be thankful the headline writer resisted the obvious "booty" reference.

"Cats groove to disco,…"

Provin' once again fe-lyings have no taste whatsoever!

"…dogs dig Elvis,…"

…and bury him in a deep, deep hole.

"…but to really reach your pet's soul, it'll take Dionne Warwick."

Hopefully losin' her on the way to San Jose.

"That's what Eagle Rock [CA] resident Adrian Martinez learned in the past few months watching his bizarre hobby turn into an even more bizarre business.

"He started DogCatRadio.com six months ago for the amusement of his six dogs and the pair of cats he looks after, then watched with bewilderment as what was essentially a joke between friends morphed into an enterprise with global proportions. And now it's really taking off."

If only he would take it off. (The Internet, fools. Wha'd'ya' think I meant?) We tuned in this mornin' and all I can say is…if AHM decides to leave that on for us she's gonna' come home to one thoroughly trashed computer!

(Don't even think of hackin' up that ole' canard 'bout "Music hath charms to soothe the savage beast." First, we're not savage--'tho listenin' to that dreck could change that reeeeeeal fast. Second, what Congreve really said was "Music hath charms to soothe the savage breast." Guess those old Puritans couldn't handle the "breast" part.)

Anyway, it's tough to imagine a more irritatin' collection of music all in one place. 'Course the whole playlist we heard focused on holiday music. If it was real holiday music it might not have been so bad. We do a mean version of Jingle Bell Rock ourselves with AHM on the piano and Hem leadin' the singin'.

But if hearin' a dog version of the Hallelujah Chorus rewritten for Best in Show ("King of Kings, and Dog of Dogs") wasn't bad enough, their rendition of The Twelve Days of Christmas ("…and a her-di-ing Wel-ish Cor-r-gi") sent us all runnin' for the doggie door. All 'cept Little Girl who tossed her cookies instead.

And just in case you were wonderin', Martinez is an equal opportunity offender. You should have heard the "Used My Poodle for a Dradle" ditty and the Kwanza song. Or maybe not.

"Ten days ago a couple of hundred pet owners logged onto the site. Now he's got 50,000 assorted animals from Brazil to Sweden tuning in. "Everyone says, What a genius idea! and I say, What is?" the 34-year-old musician mused. "But I look at these e-mails, where people say, I'm listening to this with my cats, or my bird's singing along to 'YMCA,' so I think, OK, it can't be that weird."

Oh yeah. It is. 'Tho I suppose birds singin' along with the Village People shouldn't surprise anyone.

"Martinez put the site up a few months ago to entertain his pets while at his day job running an independent record label. He told a few friends, who logged on and watched the word spread about the site, which features streaming audio of Martinez's collection of tunes from the 1970s and '80s… The station has two disc jockeys and a rotation compiled from Martinez's personal library and listener suggestions… The playlist leans heavily toward disco, which listeners swear their animals gravitate to."

The only time AHM had disco playin' 'round here, it made Hem "gravitate" to her leg for a rhythmic humpin'. That ended that.

"Not likely, according to pet expert Matthew Margolis, an author and host of "Woof! It's a Dog's Life" on PBS. Even with their superior sense of hearing, he said, animals don't process music in the same way humans do. "You've got 50,000 crazy people," he chuckled.

Much as I hate agreein' with a self-styled "pet expert," this time Margolis is right on target. 'Course he's with PBS so he's probably no stranger to the "crazy people" tunin' in idea.

"As long as it doesn't hurt the animal, [Margolis continued] you've got the right to do anything you want, but what's the dog going to do when you get home? Sit on the couch and say I like hard rock and heavy metal?"

No, but if they don't like it, you may not have a couch to sit on after a day full of streamin' audio.

"Scoff if you want, said Deborah Ray, a Sunland music teacher who broadcasts "The Deb Deb Hour" from noon to 1 p.m. each day. Her dog Jasmine loves Diana Ross, while Little Bear, a pit bull mix, favors Earth, Wind & Fire and The Gap Band. When Martinez told her about the station, she quickly jumped in…

Stepped in it is a better description.

"Martinez finds the only problem is that he can't listen to the same music he used to. "I used to enjoy Baha Men, but you hear 'Who Let the Dogs Out' 30 times a day and you get pretty sick of it," he said. "`Hound Dog,' by Elvis? I never want to hear it again ... but I never get tired of 'That's What Friends are For.' That always gets me."

Friends are for howlin' TURN IT OFF!

posted by Harrison at 6:13 PM