Where Science Meets the Litter Pan

…and someone's tax dollars are playin' hard.

"It is obvious that each human considers him or herself the king of beasts and the lord of nature. Each man in his turn considers himself the sexiest creature on Earth."

This guy's been spendin' too much time with Bill Clinton

"If only people knew about sexual deeds of the animals they would restrain their ardor."

Don't think so. Seems he's forgotten humans are animals. Just 'cause ya' walk upright and talk some sort of language doesn't let ya' off the hook. (See reference above…)

"The first to start with will be rabbits, of course. For some mysterious reason they are considered the symbol of sexual unrestraint and male power. In this case, however, their fascinating reproductive abilities should be mentioned: rabbits are able to bring forth up to six times a year..."

Bring forth? Bring forth?! Try bring fifth, sixth, tenth, twentieth, etc., etc., etc. They shoot 'em out like livin' Pez dispensers!

"Nevertheless there are animals that can compete with rabbits. These are lemmings. A female lemming is able to get pregnant after only two weeks after bearing. Pregnancy lasts for only two weeks. One of the lemming couples produced eight litters in 167 days. Sadly enough, a male died afterwards…"

Probably ran off a cliff tryin' to get away from that female.

"Still there is an animal that can outdo a man. It is a true king of the beasts – a lion. A male lion held a record of 86 sexual intercourses in 24 hours."

Just call him Quick Draw McGraw.

Those scientists have given a whole new meanin' to voyeurism. They've been watchin' ladybirds, mosquitoes, sabels (who can do it for up to eight hours non-stop), hamsters, African bugs, and (believe it or not) slugs. (You don't wanna' know.)

And since I'm rootin' in the gutter…

"Police were led on a 40-minute chase through Tokyo's Akihabara electronics district after a raccoon dog [tanuki] was reported in the area and officers scrambled to catch it, law enforcers said Monday… The area where the raccoon dog was spotted was about 500 meters away from Yanagimori Shrine, where raccoon dogs, or tanuki, are revered..."

Yep—it's a real dog god; the Japanese God of Virility and Gluttony with a set a "golden balls" so they can, accordin' to yet another set of scientists, go at it hammer 'n tongs. (Ya' think there's a bunch of scientists with waaaayyy too much time and money on their hands?)

"The Tanuki is a real animal. It is often confused with the badger (ana-guma) and the racoon (arai-guma). It is neither -- it is an atypical species of dog that can grow up to 60 cm. in length, with distinctive stripes of black fur under its eyes… Scientific Name: Canis Viverriuns, Nyctereutes, Procyonoides."

And just in case ya' don't believe me, here's proof. (The one in the middle looks like Grand Dam Bitch after Thanksgiving dinner.)


Five real Tanuki feeding in garden of Dr. Gabi Greve. [Cropped and resized.]
Original photo by Dr. Gabi Greve

posted by Harrison at 1:10 PM