Strange Afflications

…or why you humans can be just plain weird.

ALICE IN WONDERLAND SYNDROME: [T]his condition distorts visual perception so that objects that are close appear disproportionately tiny, as though viewed through the wrong end of a telescope.

Also known as Democrats' Tax the Rich Syndrome

PICA: This is a compulsive appetite for non-edible items, including clay, stones, cigarette ash, paint, glue, laundry starch, ice and even hair. Found among pregnant women and young children,…"

So you finally know why little Freddy Ferlinger was chowin' down on paste. Still no explanation for why people eat haggis.

FOREIGN ACCENT SYNDROME: Imagine suddenly putting on a convincing French accent. Or Scottish. Or Italian. It sounds like fun, but it's no joke for the victims of Foreign Accent Syndrome, which can set in after strokes or other brain trauma.

Happens to AHM after the first bottle of wine. Suddenly we go on a world tour. Memo to pups: Sitzen Sie does not mean "You are now free to pee on the rug." Likewise Fermer la bouche does not translate into "Chase the neighbor's cat up a tree so AHM has to climb up and get it."

ALIEN HAND SYNDROME: Another condition arising from brain trauma, this bizarre syndrome involves losing control of one hand, which can do anything from gesticulating to unbuttoning clothes its owner is trying to put on with his or her other hand. The condition is also called Dr Strangelove Syndrome, thanks to Peter Sellers' inspired performance as Dr Strangelove in Stanley Kubrick's 1964 film… While victims can still experience sensation in the affected hand, they say it seems to have a mind of its own.

Thus explainin' the posts on the Democrat Underground, Daily Kos, and Huffington sites.

CAPGRAS SYNDROME: This syndrome involves the delusion that a significant other…is being impersonated by an imposter… The delusion can also extend even to oneself, with the person convinced that the reflection in the mirror is that of an imposter

Such as Hillary seein' herself as President.

JERUSALEM SYNDROME: This…[is]…actually a religious psychosis triggered by a visit to Jerusalem. Observed since medieval times, its victims may believe that they are prophets and parade around the city proclaiming the Holy Writ or exhorting sinners to repent.

First recorded case was Muhammad.

posted by Harrison at 10:23 PM