"Residents of the neighborhood of [Fairfield, Connecticut] say they have been terrorized by a crazy cat named Lewis… "He looks like Felix the Cat and has six toes on each foot, each with a long claw," Janet Kettman, a neighbor said Monday. "They are formidable weapons." The neighbors said those weapons, along with catlike stealth, have allowed Lewis to attack at least a half dozen people and ambush the Avon lady as she was getting out of her car. Some of those who were bitten and scratched ended up seeking treatment at area hospitals.
"Animal Control Officer Rachel Solveira placed a restraining order on him… In effect, Lewis is under house arrest, forbidden to leave his home. Solveira also arrested the cat's owner, Ruth Cisero, charging her with failing to comply with the restraining order and reckless endangerment."
Bet she can still get home owner's insurance though.
Lewis and fe-lyings with bird flu are bad enough. At least we no longer have to worry about Camels of Mass Destruction.
"Saddam Hussein planned to use "camels of mass destruction" as weapons to defend Iraq, loading them with bombs and directing them towards invading forces. The animals were part of a plan to arm and equip foreign insurgents drawn up by the dictator shortly before the American-led invasion three years ago, reveals a 37-page report, captured after the fall of Baghdad and just released by the Pentagon."
And on the really important protest front, chicks rally to the side of the Easter Bunny.
"Marshmallow Peeps have been multiplying outside [St. Paul, MN] City Hall as a symbol of protest over last week's decision to evict the Easter Bunny. A handful of employees have placed the spongy chick- and rabbit-shaped candies around a City Hall statue of American Indians, along with two signs that temporarily rename the "Vision of Peace" statue as the "Vision of Peeps."
No word on whether the protestors and their allies are preparin' to arm themselves.
"[T]he new Marshmallow Blaster is engineered to propel large marshmallows up to 40 feet… packing the extra punch you just can’t get with mini marshmallows… Or, if a simpler sort of fun is your cup of hot cocoa, the Marshmallow Blower allows for stealth attacks ideal for sneaking up on unsuspecting targets. Simply load with mini marshmallows and blow!"
"Bad boys, bad boys
Whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do
When they come for you?"
I'm gonna' sue!
"The parents of two boys who fell almost 30 feet through a skylight in an abandoned warehouse intend to sue the owners… The boys were playing around and jumping on a skylight in the roof…earlier this month when it gave way, sending them plummeting onto a concrete floor… Police said the boys sneaked onto the property of the abandoned building, once used to manufacture park equipment, through a sheet metal fence that appeared to be pried open."
And speakin' of "Bad Boys," Bill Clinton seems to have Jesus as his co-pilot.
"An embarrassing hole in security surrounding former U.S. President Bill Clinton turned up when one of his chauffeurs [Shahzad Qureshi, a Pakistani national] was found to [have]… skipped a residency-status hearing in 2000, and a deportation order…issued by the Immigration and Naturalization Service,… Qureshi was still in jail Monday awaiting immigration processing, the report said."*
*"Democratic Sen. Hillary Clinton invoked Jesus to argue against a House immigration bill…"because this bill would literally criminalize…Jesus himself."
Bill, Hill—here's a fashion suggestion for ya'.
posted by Harrison at 4:11 PM