New Scientific Study Proves Liberals are Cockroaches
"When a group of diehard liberals gathers on Wednesday nights at the 331 Club, they all throw money into a kitty and share pitchers of beer. They talk about social issues, local political races, or if all else fails, football.
"When a group of diehard conservatives gathers at Keegan's on Thursdays, they pay their own tabs. And they drink Guinness or an expensive import. Rather than blather on about politics, they turn their attention to a game of trivia."
Notice the liberals throw their money into a "kitty" for proper communal redistribution of wealth, and all drink from the same Kool-Aid—er—beer pitcher. Conservatives, on the other paw, are rugged individualists, challengin' each other with independent thoughts.
Now comes a scientific study explainin' that liberal behavior (and why so many can be found in New York City).
"Cockroaches govern themselves in a very simple democracy where each insect has equal standing and group consultations precede decisions that affect the entire group, indicates a new study. The research determined that cockroach decision-making follows a predictable pattern…"
Both cockroaches 'n liberals appear to engage in GroupThink, adherin' unswervingly to the party line.
"[José] Halloy [a scientist in the Department of Social Ecology at the Free University of Brussels] tested cockroach group behavior by placing the insects in a dish that contained three shelters. The test was to see how the cockroaches would divide themselves into the shelters. After much "consultation," through antenna probing, touching and more,…
…called "polling" by liberals—and eerily reminiscent of the Clinton White House…
"…the cockroaches divided themselves up perfectly within the shelters. For example, if 50 insects were placed in a dish with three shelters, each with a capacity for 40 bugs, 25 roaches huddled together in the first shelter, 25 gathered in the second shelter, and the third was left vacant."
Here cockroaches 'n liberals are shown to have a pathological need to "huddle together" in enclaves, thus explainin' academia and the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. This also shows they are genetically incapable of understandin' the wise use of space and resources. Apparently both species seem to believe they are "conserving" resources (i.e. Shelter #3) "for the children."
"When the researchers altered this setup so that it had three shelters with a capacity for more than 50 insects, all of the cockroaches moved into the first "house."
Turnin' it into the Hotel California.
Speakin' of hotels… Wish they made one of these big enough to handle liberals.
posted by Harrison at 3:53 PM