I'm sure y'all read about the Oprah Effect and how some analysts expect her to get thousands of votes for Bar-ack! Obama simply by the power of suggestion.
"If Oprah went on her show tomorrow and said the ultimate key to inner peace is to pretend you're a dog instead of saying hello when you greet other people, you wouldn't get through your day without somebody greeting you with a "Woof! Woof!" while sniffing your ankles."
Just a warnin' in case the big O does suggest somethin' like that—we canines don't get acquainted by sniffin' ankles. Oh, and here's another warnin' about the sort of voters she might attract.
"A study of 289 older women without dementia found that those who rated talk shows and soaps as their favorite programs performed more poorly on tests of memory, attention and mental quickness than their peers who cited other types of shows.
"What's more, they were at greater risk of showing signs of clinical impairment… [T]hose who favored soaps were more than seven times more likely to show signs of impairment on one of the tests, while talk show fans were more than 13 times more likely to demonstrate impairment. "Those findings are quite robust," [Dr. Joshua Fogel of Brooklyn College of the City University of New York] told Reuters Health." [Emphasis mine.]
Sounds like Bar-ack! has the crazy-Aunt-Heddys-in-the-attic all wrapped up.
More importantly, the Obama family has no pets, though Daddy Obama has been promisin' his kids a dog. (Can you say Labrador Retriever?) Hmmmmm… So far he hasn't followed through. Far as I'm concerned, that makes all those other promises he’s slingin’ around smell worse than the turkey carcass that went missin’ the day after Christmas and you found wedged behind the clothes dryer a week later. (Just for the record, I was not directly involved in the turkey-carcass-filchin’ incident. That was my little brother Higgins, who was a dedicated climber—‘specially when some fool left the stepstool beside the kitchen counter.)
So, gettin’ down to the rib bones of the Bar-ack! candidacy: if he can't keep a promise to his own kids, what the hell can the rest of us expect?
Just another Demo-cat h-ack-in' up hairballs.
posted by Harrison at 11:37 PM