Name:Harrison Location:United States

The Original Lovable Little Fuzzball

Here's the straight stuff.

The adventures of Harrison are true.
Try a few of his Crunchy Bites for a taste.
--Alpha Human Mom

Friday, December 26, 2008

And the Returns Are In

If everyone rushes to malls the day after Thanksgivin' to buy stuff, they move just as fast to malls (or mailboxes) the day after Christmas to return stuff. No surprise, all things considered…

Montana, in fact, got started early.

The Montana wildlife agency has been asking that people with frogs acquired through kits called Grow-a-Frog give up those animals. The Department of Fish, Wildlife and Parks says tadpoles in the kits become African clawed frogs, a species prohibited in Montana. […] Grow-a-Frog is part of Florida-based Three Rivers Mail Order Corp.

Considerin' my long experience with frogs I can't figure why anyone, anywhere would wanna' grow their own.

I've noticed you humans are getting' more obsessed with how ya' smell, or rather how to get rid of any smells ya' might have. Might wanna' reconsider that idea since smell is how we canines identify you. Ya' wouldn't want us gettin' confused and jumpin' in the wrong car. 'Course if it smelled like corn dogs that could explain the mix up. Still, this is probably a gift that will end up in the garbage bin. Even the makers aren't quite sure of their product.

It may make your car smell gross, but your passengers mouths will water!

This little gift is supposed to be for humans, but if Bozo insists on drinkin' outta' the toilet bowl he might never know anythin' ever again.

Spritz the Bowl Before You Go…/And No One Else/Will Ever Know

See what I mean? Obsessed. Mark it "Return to Sender."

This eliminates the need for any exercise for the average couch potato:
The Whistle and Find Remote Control Locator

Are you one of the many television watchers that always loses your remote control? Well kiss those days goodbye because your savior is here! This great gadget is a simple device that sticks on to your remote to help you find it immediately! Just blow into the whistle transmitter (with TV caddy) and you'll be on your way to watching uninterrupted TV for hours!

Yeah, right. Next year they'll be offerin' a clapper to find the missin' whistle transmitter.

I remember when AHM gave Silly Human Female one of those clapper keychain thingys 'cause she was always losin' her keys. She thought it was a good idea until we all discovered the stupid alarm was triggered by a whole bunch of other things—like closin' doors, ringin' doorbells, bangin' pots—or barkin' canines. Ah, memories… That was a fun two weeks.

We've seen two versions of the Hip Hop Tabletop
Zombie which doesn't matter 'cause neither is somethin'
you'd wanna' see under the tree. Besides, 'round here
the pups freak out over anythin' that moves and roars
at the same time.

[Like the vacuum cleaner? ~ AHM]

[What vacuum cleaner? ~ Harrison]

[The one with all your teeth marks on it. ~ AHM]

Movin' right along…

[Or the train we used to put under the tree. ~ AHM]

[Train? ~ Harrison]

[You tried to eat the engine until the smoke went up your nose. You tossed it across the room and sneezed for nearly an hour. ~ AHM]

Okay, okay. But I hit the fe-lyin' with it, didn't I? Which proves my point that ya' don't wanna' bring anythin' into this house that moves and roars at the same time.

Now here's a present for everyone who ever wondered…

"Why can't I have a flying pig for EVERY holiday?!"

I think the last election answered that question.

And, finally, to all my liberal acquaintences, sorry I missed out on sendin' you the Wealth Redistribution 2008 Holiday Ornament:

Oh, no! We sold out of 'Wealth Redistribution Christmas Tree Ornament'.

Now that's what I call real life "wealth redistribution."

posted by Harrison at 10:49 PM


Post a Comment