The New Terrorists In America - Groundhogs!

As if I didn't have enough trouble keeping the fe-lyings and squirrels in line! Now the groundhogs have joined the terrorist network.

I'm not too sure I would have taken this sucker on, though. He was only after a couple of French poodles and (as you readers know) I still have unresolved issues after the Poodle Bitch incident at that dog show. But if I did, I guaran-damn-tee that groundhog would have been road kill. 'Course he wouldn't have even tried this crap with me around. I have street cred. I have a rep.

Man calls battle with groundhog 'Caddyshack' with Stephen King twist.

"LEWISTON [Maine] — A 240-pound military veteran stands ready to dispute the notion of the cute, cuddly image of the groundhog in the movie "Caddyshack." James Nelson fought off a rampaging groundhog in his back yard, but the critter kept coming back for more after being kicked and hit with a shovel. It finally scurried away after a police officer showed up with a gun.

"The thing was bionic," said Nelson, who was twice knocked to the ground. "It kept going like it was on a mission."

"The episode unfolded late Saturday morning when the furry animal the size of a large cat showed up behind Nelson's home and proceeded to attack his two poodles as his 10-year-old daughter and her friend shrieked from the swimming pool. Nelson came to the rescue and shooed the groundhog away, but the angry critter came back. This time it attacked Nelson, hissing and baring its teeth.

"Nelson gave the animal a kick and it ran away, but the groundhog came back and Nelson whacked it on the head with a shovel. "It was like a bull and matador thing," Nelson said. "I beat up myself trying to fight it off."

"Cleo Dow watched the ongoing battle from the neighbor's lawn. "He really wanted Jim," she said.
When police officer Trent Murphy arrived, the groundhog was hiding under Nelson's garage. It was there that the groundhog launched its final attack, going after both men.

"I said, 'Shoot it! Shoot it!' " Nelson said. Murphy pulled his gun and fired. It was unknown whether the single bullet found its mark, but the animal disappeared into the woods.

"Afterward, Nelson marveled at the tenacity of the animal, which he said was "as aggressive as aggressive can be." "I'm not much scared of anything," he said. "It was more of a Stephen King version of 'Caddyshack.' "

Yeah, and I'm Cujo!

posted by Harrison at 11:38 PM