Squirrel Terrorists

Homeland Security is falling down on the job. The squirrel/cat conspiracy is getting waaay too bold and will go to any lengths to undermine American resolve. Now they're protesting our brave soldiers in Iraq! It's time we brought in the big dogs! (Er--Cosmo? Out there anywhere? This is your bailiwick.)

Bettendorf, Iowa - A couple has finally discovered what was happening to the yellow ribbons they were tying to the trees in their yard in support of their son and other troops in Iraq. "The ribbons started to disappear. Every time it disappeared, I would hang a new one," said Bob Saskowski, who tied the ribbons with his wife, Alexis.

"It went on for eight months. The last straw was when three ribbons disappeared in three days. So Bob Saskowski appealed to his neighbors through a memo, asking them to talk to their teenagers about respect and patriotism and asked for their help.

"My husband and I were ticked," said neighbor Patty Kenyon. "And we all decided if this person was going to pick on Bob, they can pick on all of us. And we literally put ribbons up and down the street."

"The ribbons kept disappearing, but only from the Saskowski yard.

"Finally, the couple set up a video camera, focused on the yard. Six weeks later, they caught the culprit on tape. The ribbon was being shimmied slowly down the trunk.

"At the base, the squirrel pushing the ribbon, bit through the ribbon and took off with it."

posted by Harrison at 12:23 PM