Harrison
Name:Harrison Location:United States

The Original Lovable Little Fuzzball

Here's the straight stuff.


The adventures of Harrison are true.
Try a few of his Crunchy Bites for a taste.
--Alpha Human Mom





Saturday, October 23, 2004


Mr. Peabody* - Time Traveling Hero

C'mon--who else would I choose?

Oh yeah--I know I’m too late for the Truth Laid Bear Heroes for Bush blogburst, but AHM was real busy these last two days and, well, I can't type by myself. But since I wrote this I'm makin' her post it even tho' it is kinda' long.

UPDATE: Heroes for Bush Blogburst. Guess this WABAC thingy really works. Thanks, N.Z. Bear.

Peabody's Improbable History The Lost Episode
John Kerry


FADE IN:

INT - LABORATORY FILLED WITH COMPUTER AND OTHER DIGITIZED EQUIPMENT - PAN ACROSS ROOM TO MR. PEABODY AND HIS BOY SHERMAN.

MR. PEABODY
Hello, everyone. I'm Mr. Peabody and this is my boy Sherman.

SHERMAN (waves)
Hi.

MR. PEABODY
Set the WABAC Machine for April 1971, Sherman.


CLOSE UP - SHERMAN - FIDDLING WITH COMPUTER KEYBOARD

SHERMAN
That's not very far, Mr. Peabody.


MEDIUM SHOT - MR. PEABODY AND SHERMAN

MR. PEABODY
No it isn't. But it's time you learned about political expediency and rhetoric.


CLOSE UP - SHERMAN

SHERMAN
Huh?


CLOSE UP - MR. PEABODY

MR. PEABODY
How a self-serving politician uses hot air to achieve elected office.


MEDIUM SHOT - DIGITAL NUMBERS FLASH OVER A DOORWAY 04-23-1971. THE DOOR OF THE WABAC MACHINE OPENS. MR. PEABODY AND SHERMAN STEP THROUGH DURING VOICE OVER.

MR. PEABODY (V.O.)
So with the punch of a button, we are off to the U.S. Senate Foreign Relations Committee Hearing, April 23, 1971.


WIDE SHOT - LANKY, LONG-FACED YOUNG MAN SITTING AT TABLE READING FROM A PAPER AS A TIER OF OFFICIAL LOOKING MEN ACROSS OF HIM LISTEN TO THE SPEECH.

YOUNG MAN
“I committed the same kinds of atrocities as thousands of others in that I shot in free fire zones, used harassment and interdiction fire, joined in search and destroy missions, and burned villages”.


MEDIUM SHOT - MR. PEABODY AND SHERMAN

SHERMAN
Atrocities? You mean he deliberately killed innocent people? Who is he?

MR.PEABODY
John Kerry. He is laying the groundwork for his political career. Now listen, Sherman, and learn.


CLOSE UP - JOHN KERRY

KERRY
"Each day to facilitate the process by which the United States washes her hands of Vietnam someone has to give up his life so that the United States doesn't have to admit something that the entire world already knows, so that we can't say that we have made a mistake. Someone has to die so that President Nixon won't be, and these are his words, "the first President to lose a war."

"We are asking Americans to think about that because how do you ask a man to be the last man to die in Vietnam? How do you ask a man to be the last man to die for a mistake?...."


MEDIUM SHOT - MR. PEABODY AND SHERMAN

SHERMAN (stumbling backward in shock)
Oh wow! You mean all those soldiers died for no reason?

MR. PEABODY
No, Sherman. They were fighting for a very good reason--to stop communism. Now come along.


WIDE SHOT - INT - WABAC MACHINE - MR. PEABODY ENTERS. SHERMAN FOLLOWS LOOKING BACK OVER HIS SHOULDER AS KERRY KEEPS TALKING. WHILE NOT PAYING ATTENTION, SHERMAN TRIPS AND CRASHES INTO THE KEYBOARDS, BUTTONS, AND LEVERS INSIDE THE WABAC.

SHERMAN (grabbing at anything to maintain his balance)
AAAAAHHHHHH!!!


WIDE SHOT - INT - WABAC - MR. PEABODY AND SHERMAN. MACHINE BEGINS TO ROTATE JERKILY, FIRST SLOWLY THEN FASTER. MR. PEABODY AND SHERMAN ARE TUMBLED AROUND. THE WABAC SLOWS, SPEEDS UP, AND PERIODICLY STOPS ABRUPTLY. DIGITAL NUMBERS FLASH OVER THE DOOR AS IT SLIDES OPEN. 01-22-1991

MEDIUM SHOT - JOHN KERRY SITTING AT A LARGE DESK, DICTATING LETTERS.

KERRY
“I voted in favor of a resolution that would have insisted that economic sanctions be given more time to work and against a resolution giving the president the immediate authority to go to war.”


WIDE SHOT - INT - DOOR SLAMS SHUT - WABAC JERKS, NUMBERS FLASH, AND DOOR OPENS AGAIN ON SAME SCENE. 01-31-1991

MEDIUM SHOT - PROFILE - JOHN KERRY SITTING AT LARGE DESK, DICTATING LETTERS.

KERRY
“From the outset of the invasion, I have strongly and unequivocally supported President Bush's response to the crisis and the policy goals he has established with our military deployment in the Persian Gulf”.


WIDE SHOT - INT - DOOR CLOSES AND WABAC BEGINS TO SPIN WILDLY. SHERMAN AND MR. PEABODY CRASH INTO EACH OTHER. WABAC CAREENS TO A STOP AS NUMBERS OVER THE DOOR FREEZE AND DOOR OPENS. 02-23-1998

TIGHT CLOSE UP - JOHN KERRY

KERRY
“Iraq's refusal to end its weapons of mass destruction programs…” “…is a threat with respect to the potential of terrorist activities on a global…”


WIDE SHOT - INT - WABAC DOOR CLOSES AND CUTS OFF COMMENTS. THE MACHINE SHUDDERS, SHAKES, MOVES A FEW FEET AND STOPS. NUMBERS BLINK ON AND OFF. DOOR OPENS. 07-29-2002

MEDIUM SHOT - JOHN KERRY STANDING BEHIND PODIUM

KERRY
"I agree completely with this administration's goal of a regime change in Iraq," "But the Administration's rhetoric has far exceeded their plans or their groundwork. In fact, their single-mindedness, secrecy, and high-blown rhetoric has alienated our allies and threatened to unravel the stability of the region."


WIDE SHOT - INT- DOOR CLOSES. MR. PEABODY LUNGES TOWARD A TOUCH SCREEN BUT IS KNOCKED AWAY WHEN THE WABAC WOBBLES THROUGH ANOTHER ROTATION.

CLOSE UP - SHERMAN

SHERMAN (whining)
Make it stop, Mr. Peabody. It's giving me a headache.


CLOSE UP - MR. PEABODY

MR. PEABODY
I'm trying, Sherman. Patience, my boy.


WIDE SHOT - INT - WABAC DOOR OPENS AND NUMBERS FREEZE AS MACHINE GROANS TO A HALT. 09-06-2002

CLOSE UP - JOHN KERRY

KERRY
“If Saddam Hussein is unwilling to bend to the international community's already existing order, then he will have invited enforcement, even if that enforcement is mostly at the hands of the United States, a right we retain even if the Security Council fails to act”.


WIDE SHOT - INT- DOOR CLOSES. MR. PEABODY TRIES ONCE MORE TO REACH THE TOUCH SCREEN BUT MISSES WHEN THE WABAC ABRUPTLY JERKS IN A HALF CIRCLE AND STOPS AGAIN. DOOR FLIES OPEN AND NUMBERS FLASH. 10-09-2002

CLOSE UP - JOHN KERRY

KERRY
“The threat of Saddam Hussein with weapons of mass destruction is real…” “The Iraqi regime's record over the decade leaves little doubt that Saddam Hussein wants to retain his arsenal of weapons of mass destruction and to expand it to include nuclear weapons. We cannot allow him to prevail…”


WIDE SHOT - INT- DOOR CLOSES. SHERMAN STAGGERS TOWARD MR. PEABODY GRABBING HIM JUST AS HE IS INPUTTING INSTRUCTION, KNOCKING HIS PAW. ALARMS BEGIN SOUNDING. WABAC WHIRLS CRAZILY THEN MAKES A METAL-ON-METAL SCREECHING HALT. DOOR HISSES UP. 05-03-2003

CLOSE UP - JOHN KERRY

KERRY
"I said at the time I would have preferred if we had given diplomacy a greater opportunity."


WIDE SHOT - INT - WABAC - MR. PEABODY HAS JUST DRAGGED HIMSELF UPRIGHT WHEN THE WABAC SPINS AND STOPS, SPINS AND STOP. SHERMAN IS FLAT ON HIS STOMACH FACING THE DOORWAY AS IT OPENS. 08-31-2003

CLOSE UP - JOHN KERRY - THREE-QUARTERS PROFILE

KERRY
"In the resolution that we passed, we did not empower the president to do regime change."


MEDIUM SHOT - INT - MR. PEABODY IS ENTERING NUMBERS ON A KEYBOARD. SHERMAN, STILL ON THE FLOOR. ALARMS STILL BLARE.

MR. PEABODY
Ah ha! I think I have it now.


ALARMS STOP BUT WABAC SWINGS INTO MOTION AGAIN.

MR. PEABODY
DRAT!


WABAC BRAKES SUDDENLY AND DOOR FLIES OPEN. 09-02-2003

CLOSE UP - JOHN KERRY

KERRY
"I voted to threaten the use of force to make Saddam Hussein comply with the resolutions of the United Nations." "I believe that was right, but it was wrong to rush to war without building a true international coalition and with no plan to win the peace."


WIDE SHOT - INT- WABAC - DOOR HISSES SHUT AND ROTATION BEGINS AGAIN.

MEDIUM SHOT - MR. PEABODY AND SHERMAN. SHERMAN IS CURLED INTO A BALL, HANDS OVER HIS EARS.

SHERMAN (moaning)
Enough, Mr. Peabody. My head hurts.

MR. PEABODY
Bear up, boy. You can handle it.

SHERMAN
But I can't understand anything. Kerry said we should make Saddam Hussein give up his weapons of mass destruction even if we had to do it all by ourselves and now he says that was wrong.
.
MR. PEABODY
I know, Sherman. But that's how some politicians believe they can get elected.

SHERMAN
How?

MR. PEABODY
By saying whatever they think the public wants to hear.

SHERMAN (sitting up)
Even if it's totally different than what they said before?

MR. PEABODY
Yes, Sherman. You are learning, aren't you? (STANDS AND ATTEMPTS TO ENTER DATA) Now let me see if I can get this machine back on track.


WIDE SHOT - INT - WABAC ROCKS BACK AND FORTH AS IT SPINS, THEN SLOWLY DRIFTS TO A STOP AS NUMBERS FREEZE AND DOOR OPENS. 12-15-2003

CLOSE UP - JOHN KERRY

KERRY
“Iraq may not be the war on terror itself, but it is critical to the outcome of the war on terror, and therefore any advance in Iraq is an advance forward in that”.


MEDIUM SHOT - INT - WABAC - SHERMAN STARES OUT DOOR IN CONFUSION.

SHERMAN
Mr. Peabody… How can we advance in Iraq if we weren't supposed to be there in the first place?


CLOSE UP - MR. PEABODY MUTTERING TO HIMSELF WHILE ENTERING MORE INSTRUCTIONS INTO THE MACHINE.

WIDE SHOT - DOOR CLOSES AND WABAC BEGINS TO MOVE SMOOTHLY.

MR. PEABODY
Ah, that seems to have done the trick.


THE WABAC STOPS ABRUPTLY AS IF IT HAD RUN INTO A WALL. MR. PEABODY AND SHERMAN TOPPLE OVER ON THE FLOOR AGAIN IN A TANGLED MASS. DOOR OPENES. 01-30-2004

CLOSE UP - JOHN KERRY

KERRY
“I think there has been an exaggeration…” “They are misleading all Americans in a profound way.”


BEFORE MR. PEABODY AND SHERMAN CAN SORT THEMSELVES OUT, THE WABAC IS ONCE AGAIN IN MOTION, WHIZZING RAPIDLY FOR A FEW SECONDS THEN GENTLY SLOWS TO A STOP. DOOR SLIDES UP. 04-27-2004

CLOSE UP - JOHN KERRY

KERRY
“George Bush sold us on going to war with Iraq based on the threat of weapons of mass destruction…”


MEDIUM SHOT - INT - WABAC - MR. PEABODY AND SHERMAN. SHERMAN GRABS AT MR. PEABODY'S EAR.

SHERMAN (sputtering)
He…He…He… Kerry said Saddam did have weapons of mass destruction. He did. I heard him.

MR. PEABODY
Not the ear, Sherman. LET GO OF THE EAR!


DOOR CLOSES AND WABAC GOES INTO A JERKY SPIN. MR. PEABODY DRAGS HIMSELF TO A CONSOL AND RESOLUTELY ENTERS A SERIES OF NUMBERS. WABAC HALTS AND DOOR OPENS. 05-13-2004

CLOSE UP - JOHN KERRY

KERRY
“I will fight a more effective war on terror because I would never have thrown out of the door or window the obligations of the Geneva Conventions.”


WIDE SHOT - INT - WABAC - MR. PEABODY AND SHERMAN. SHERMAN IS CRYING AND PULLING AT HIS HAIR.

SHERMAN
But…but…Mr. Peabody… John Kerry said he said… he “…committed the same kinds of atrocities as thousands of others…used harassment…and burned villages” in Vietnam? Didn't he throw out the Geneva Conventions then?

MR. PEABODY (shaking his head)
Steady, Sherman, steady. I think perhaps you have had enough for now. It is very hard to understand Mr. Kerry under the best of conditions and we have had a trying time during this trip, haven't we?


MR. PEABODY ENTERS MORE CODES, THE WABAC BEGINS A DIGIFIED ROTATION.

MEDIUM SHOT - MR. PEABODY AND SHERMAN

MR. PEABODY
Well, Sherman, I hope you've learned something from this adventure.

SHERMAN
I sure have, Mr. Peabody. Before I vote, I'm going to study everything in a politician's record before I decide. John Kerry doesn't have a clue.

MR. PEABODY
Good boy, Sherman.

SHERMAN
President Bush doesn't jump around like that, does he?

MR. PEABODY
Indeed not. He understands the dangers we are facing and will fight to keep us safe. And he would never abandon our soldiers to the enemy just to further his political agenda.


THE WABAC SUDDENLY STOPS. ONCE MORE THE DOOR OPENS TO A STRANGE SCENE. MR. PEABODY AND SHERMAN STARE IN DISBELIEF.

MEDIUM SHOT - JOHN KERRY - WEARING ONLY BATHING TRUNKS, KERRY IS CLIMBING INTO A SHELL-LIKE CONTRAPTION AND LYING DOWN. THE DOOR SLAMS BEFORE THEY SEE MORE.

MR. PEABODY CHUCKLES AND RETURNS TO ENTERING CODE. THE WABAC SHUDDERS, CIRCLES, THEN SLOWLY COMES TO A SMOOTH, EASY STOP. THE DOOR OPENS.

WIDE SHOT - INT - LABORATORY - MR. PEABODY AND SHERMAN EXIT THE WABAC A BIT UNSTEADILY.

MEDIUM SHOT - INT - LABORATORY

SHERMAN
What was that?

MR. PEABODY
That last scene? Oh, that was John Kerry getting ready for the debates.

SHERMAN
By getting into some strange machine? No wonder his memory is all mixed up.

MR. PEABODY (laughs)
No Sherman. That was a tanning bed.


CLOSE UP - SHERMAN

SHERMAN
Why would John Kerry need a tanning bed to get ready for the debates?


  CLOSE UP - MR. PEABODY

  
MR. PEABODY
  Oh, that's quite simple, my boy. So John Kerry could honestly say "I have a tan."


  MEDIUM SHOT - SHERMAN GROANS - MR.   PEABODY SMILES.



FADE TO BLACK


*Created by Jay Ward
**Edited to include additional information dug up at Bad Hair Day Blog
***Bush/Cheney Poster dug up at A Small Victory.



posted by Harrison at 1:16 AM


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