I Am Chewbacca's Younger (Shorter) Cousin
UPDATE: Dug up this test at A Small Victory and I guess I got it wrong. Hmmm--I was even honest about bein' short and hairy…
A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…
Alpha Human Mom almost got arrested for drivin' down the highway in a Darth Vader costume with Emiliano Zapata in the passenger seat, Hamlet in the back, and C-3PO hangin' out the hatchback door.
As the story goes, she was invited to a Halloween costume party, and, bein' a theater major and all, decided to recreate those Star Wars costumes herself. Guess that makes her one of the original Star Wars geeks.
Apparently the 3PO costume was so good (theater majors tend to overdo that "homemade costume" bit), her friend had the same problem actor Anthony Daniels did; namely, robots don't bend real well--'specially those with gold-painted fruit juice cans as knee joints. Not havin' a forklift handy, it took Darth, Zapata, and Hamlet a good fifteen minutes to slide ole' Goldy into the hatchback, and then only 3/4 of him fit. They took off anyway with the rest of him hangin' out like a bunch of 2 x 4's picked up at Home Depot.
Unfortunately they forgot to shove a red warnin' flag up Goldenrod's olfactory receptor.
Continued in Read the Rest!
AHM claims she never got a ticket and really wasn't doin' anything illegal--'cept 'causin' a traffic jam and a couple of near-accidents among rubberneckin' drivers. She did almost lose Golden Boy once when she made a right turn too fast but eventually they made it intact, then had to go through the reverse engineerin' bit to get him out. They had plenty of help on that end. Evidently they created quite a stir with their arrival since, back then, there weren't a lot of fools dressin' up as C-3PO and actually goin' out in public.
As I understand it, drivin' home was no problem 'cause, homemade costumes bein' what they are, they don't hold up real well to serious partyin'. By the end of the evenin' there were bits of 3PO strewn all over the place. Think it had somethin' to do with the fact he discovered other deficiencies in the costume after a few beers…
Obviously I wasn't around in 1977--none of the current pack was around as witnesses--and AHM says the whole story's all a vicious rumor passed down from muzzle to muzzle--but the oldsters insist there are pictures of those costumes somewhere.
Luckily for us AHM got over that costumin' thing. 'Course I can always go to costume parties as Chewbacca--I just tell 'em the costume shrunk in the wash. And AHM is waaaayyy to smart to even think about stickin' any of us in this.
Oh, someone will buy it--and the Princess Leia Slave costume too. Check the lines outside your local theater next week. Not that they'll allow canines inside, of course, which is really unfair, especially if we're stuck in one of those outfits. I imagine we'd be tough critics and Lucas doesn't need any more of those. (Jar Jar Binks wouldn't have stood a chance of livin' past the first frame of Phantom if anyone had consulted me. AHM got an extra toy just to watch us tear him apart.)
At least the long, sad saga of sequels/prequels is nearin' the end. Havin' been suckered into seein' Phantom Menace, AHM isn't even thinkin' about seein' the others. She has the original Star Wars to watch instead. The real one--the one she taped off some new fangled pay TV movie site called HBO--the one that came before Lucas jumped into the computer á la Tron, started wavin' his lightsaber around, and whizzed on everything in sight.
[Does anyone realize the ending of that original Star Wars appears to have been lifted (nearly whole) from a 1954 British film The Dam Busters?--AHM]
Whatever. A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away… George Lucas was havin' fun. The actors were havin' fun. The audience was havin' fun. Guess when you humans get to be rich and famous you can't have any more fun. You're Important and Must Be Serious.
Well, one thing I know about is bein' important--or thinkin' you're important--and havin' a big ego. Bigger egos, bigger falls. From what I can tell, Lucas has fallen into the Great Pit of Carkoon to be slowly digested by the Sarlacc. But it's the Star Wars fans who are the hapless victims being kept alive in endless agony.
posted by Harrison at 2:12 AM