The Original Media Whore…
…or, who says the classics have to be boring…
No, this isn't a Cindy Sheehan post. Accordin' to AHM, this is somethin' that goes back a loooooong time--almost 2500 years long. Boy, you humans never learn, do you?
See, there was this woman named Medea who was the daughter of King Aeetes who owned the Golden Fleece. She was also a witch with all sorts of magic powers (but more like Voldemort's than Harry's). Anyway, along comes a guy called Jason--frontman for the Argonauts and son of a former king--who decided to make a grab for the Fleece. Medea, seein' her chance at the big time, made a deal to use her magic to help if Jason would marry her.
Jason went along with the idea and, after gettin' the Fleece, he and Medea and her brother Absyrtis all took off together, with King Aeetes in hot pursuit. Soon they were losin' the race so, to distract the pursuers, Medea killed her brother and dumped the body in Fort Marcy Park.
No, wait--wrong myth. Sorry. Um… Oh, yeah.
Medea killed her brother, cut up his body and scattered the pieces to the sharks (who were waitin' with baited breath and digital recorders to snap up any tidbit about the renegade couple) followin' the Argos. When King Aeetes stopped to collect his son's body for burial, Jason, Medea and company escaped back to Iolcus.
Once there, Medea decided to help hubby Jason get the top job in Iolcus (which she figured he deserved) by plottin' to do away with the current King Pelias, who lots of people claimed stole the election. She convinced Pelias' daughter she was her friend and could make her father young again with magic health care. Medea tricked the daughter into cuttin' Pelias' throat then sorta' forgot all about the magical medical plan part.
After that, the rest of the country wasn't real happy with the way Jason and Medea were runnin' things, so the pair had to hightail it to Chappaqua--er-- Corinth--where they had a couple of kids. Guess Jason eventually got tired of dealin' with all of Medea's crap (livin' with a witch will do that to a guy) 'cause he started messin' around with a princess. Needless to say, when he divorced her and decided to marry the princess, Medea was not a happy camper. In fact, she pretty much went nutso--not that she had any claim to sane before. She launched a massive hate campaign, poisonin' Jason's new wife and father-in-law, and killin' her own children, just to get back at Jason.
According to some reporters at the time, Medea fled Corinth in a chariot drawn by dragons--thus convenin' the first ever meetin' of the National Organization of Women. To protest all Jason's alleged lies, Medea hauled the dead bodies of her kids with her, claimin' they were a symbol of his betrayal and would have supported her opposition to Jason's callous disregard for her grief.
Medea showed up in the Big Apple of Athens, smoozin' with Aegeus. Right off the bat she started pretendin' she'd changed her ways and got Aegeus to marry her. They had a son, Medus. Things were fine until Aegeus' other son Theseus (the guy who would eventually kill the Minotaur in the Maze and rid Athens of squeegy men) arrived. Since she'd never really changed, Medea immediately tried to trick Aegeus into killin' Theseus 'cause she wanted all the power for herself and her kid.
Considerin' the lady's track record, you know the plan was doomed to fail. Medea and Medus went on the lam, eventually settlin' down to create their own country where they could say and do whatever they wanted and everyone still wrote nice things about 'em. According to reliable sources (who wish to remain anonymous) it was named…
Media.
Really.
"…[T]hey say we live secure at home, while they are at the wars, with their sorry reasoning, for I would gladly take my stand in battle array three times o'er, than once give birth… I am destitute, without a city, and therefore scorned by my husband,… with no mother, brother, or kinsman in whom to find a new haven of refuge from this calamity. Wherefore this one boon and only this I wish to win from thee,-thy silence, if haply I can some way or means devise to avenge me on [him] for this cruel treatment… For though woman be timorous enough in all else,…yet in the moment she finds her honour wronged, no heart is filled with deadlier thoughts than hers." Medea by Euripides, 431 BC
posted by Harrison at 11:42 AM
No, this isn't a Cindy Sheehan post. Accordin' to AHM, this is somethin' that goes back a loooooong time--almost 2500 years long. Boy, you humans never learn, do you?
See, there was this woman named Medea who was the daughter of King Aeetes who owned the Golden Fleece. She was also a witch with all sorts of magic powers (but more like Voldemort's than Harry's). Anyway, along comes a guy called Jason--frontman for the Argonauts and son of a former king--who decided to make a grab for the Fleece. Medea, seein' her chance at the big time, made a deal to use her magic to help if Jason would marry her.
Jason went along with the idea and, after gettin' the Fleece, he and Medea and her brother Absyrtis all took off together, with King Aeetes in hot pursuit. Soon they were losin' the race so, to distract the pursuers, Medea killed her brother and dumped the body in Fort Marcy Park.
No, wait--wrong myth. Sorry. Um… Oh, yeah.
Medea killed her brother, cut up his body and scattered the pieces to the sharks (who were waitin' with baited breath and digital recorders to snap up any tidbit about the renegade couple) followin' the Argos. When King Aeetes stopped to collect his son's body for burial, Jason, Medea and company escaped back to Iolcus.
Once there, Medea decided to help hubby Jason get the top job in Iolcus (which she figured he deserved) by plottin' to do away with the current King Pelias, who lots of people claimed stole the election. She convinced Pelias' daughter she was her friend and could make her father young again with magic health care. Medea tricked the daughter into cuttin' Pelias' throat then sorta' forgot all about the magical medical plan part.
After that, the rest of the country wasn't real happy with the way Jason and Medea were runnin' things, so the pair had to hightail it to Chappaqua--er-- Corinth--where they had a couple of kids. Guess Jason eventually got tired of dealin' with all of Medea's crap (livin' with a witch will do that to a guy) 'cause he started messin' around with a princess. Needless to say, when he divorced her and decided to marry the princess, Medea was not a happy camper. In fact, she pretty much went nutso--not that she had any claim to sane before. She launched a massive hate campaign, poisonin' Jason's new wife and father-in-law, and killin' her own children, just to get back at Jason.
According to some reporters at the time, Medea fled Corinth in a chariot drawn by dragons--thus convenin' the first ever meetin' of the National Organization of Women. To protest all Jason's alleged lies, Medea hauled the dead bodies of her kids with her, claimin' they were a symbol of his betrayal and would have supported her opposition to Jason's callous disregard for her grief.
Medea showed up in the Big Apple of Athens, smoozin' with Aegeus. Right off the bat she started pretendin' she'd changed her ways and got Aegeus to marry her. They had a son, Medus. Things were fine until Aegeus' other son Theseus (the guy who would eventually kill the Minotaur in the Maze and rid Athens of squeegy men) arrived. Since she'd never really changed, Medea immediately tried to trick Aegeus into killin' Theseus 'cause she wanted all the power for herself and her kid.
Considerin' the lady's track record, you know the plan was doomed to fail. Medea and Medus went on the lam, eventually settlin' down to create their own country where they could say and do whatever they wanted and everyone still wrote nice things about 'em. According to reliable sources (who wish to remain anonymous) it was named…
Media.
Really.
"…[T]hey say we live secure at home, while they are at the wars, with their sorry reasoning, for I would gladly take my stand in battle array three times o'er, than once give birth… I am destitute, without a city, and therefore scorned by my husband,… with no mother, brother, or kinsman in whom to find a new haven of refuge from this calamity. Wherefore this one boon and only this I wish to win from thee,-thy silence, if haply I can some way or means devise to avenge me on [him] for this cruel treatment… For though woman be timorous enough in all else,…yet in the moment she finds her honour wronged, no heart is filled with deadlier thoughts than hers." Medea by Euripides, 431 BC
posted by Harrison at 11:42 AM
Post a Comment