War Declared!

France vs. California

Guess who's winnin'?

It's not easy gettin' a frog to croak, 'specially a giant California bullfrog. 'Course considerin' how Californians and Frenchies think so much alike, they probably feel right at home.

"Hunters working for the government's wildlife agency will be stalking ponds in south-west France this weekend, aimed with flash-lights, rifles, silencers and night-vision sights."

France actually has that kinda' equipment? Who knew? Do they know how to use it?

"They have been mobilised for the most intensive effort so far to terminate a plague of giant Californian bullfrogs which is threatening to disrupt the ecology of the Gironde, Dordogne and several other départements.

'Course the French can't moblize to terminate a little plague like…oh…terrorism?

"The aggressive and voracious bullfrog…can grow to more than 4lbs in weight and almost 2ft long. It consumes other frogs, fish, lizards and even small birds. Since the frogs were first released, as a joke, on a private pond near Libourne in 1968, they have colonised ponds, lakes, marshes and gravel pits all over the département of the Gironde… Had they been a delicacy for humans, the American interlopers might have been tolerated. Unfortunately for them, they are inedible (even their enormous legs)."

The Froginator Workout--DVDs soon available at gyms and health clubs everywhere.

"Destroying the frogs is not easy, however. The Gironde fisheries protection association attacked a pond full of bullfrogs with electricity a few years ago. The frogs fought back. The hunters battled with them for two hours. They killed just one frog before they gave up."

Sacré blu! The Froggies even surrender to other froggies! Hahahahahahahaha!

"Assaults on the frogs have also been made with nets and by draining ponds, to little effect. Game-keepers and volunteers working for the…(National Hunting and Wild-life Agency) have now developed night-fighting techniques… "Shooting them with rifles is the most effective method we have found," said an environmental campaigner, Luc Gueugneau. "It seemed like a rather mean-spirited approach at first but we found that it was the best way of killing all the adults."

Too bad they didn't figure that out in WWI or WWII or Vietnam or…well, the list is waaay to long.

"Even so, experimental attacks on ponds and lakes over the past 11 months have killed only 120 frogs."

See their aim hasn't improved over the years either.

"A much bigger offensive, starting this weekend, aims to exterminate all the bullfrogs in France within five to 10 years."

I'm not holdin' my breath. And just don't bother askin' America for any help this time around. Then again, we might send you the California Demo-cat legislators if you ask nicely. If nothin' else, they'll raise taxes so high the frogs will leave on their own.

posted by Harrison at 5:19 PM